Quote from: Bari Jo on December 28, 2017, 08:59:06 AM
I'm spending Xmas with my dad, his twin, my cousin and friend. I'm only out to my dad. I have pretty much been wearing the same clothes that I usually do, but haven't been able to redo my nails. I did those like every three days before. My cousin has been referring to me as Fantas poppa abd it's really starting to bug me. I bought some ladies ugg boots to wear since its freezing here and that helps a little. I'm finding the itch to be femme all the time right now, even in dreams. I'm itching for more. Argh. It's such a weird feeling like I'm holding myself back, but not really. I may come out to my cousin just so I can let Bari Jo out a little bit. My dad doesn't think I should come out to my cousin, but she's going to see my sister in a couple months and my sister wants me to beforehand so they can scheme about me. Mixed up at Xmas, wish I was at my own home.
Hang in there, my sister. I remember that phase all too well, and know exactly what you're going through. It's hard right now. I know you want to just shout it out and let the chips fall where they may, but there's a natural progression to these things, and you can't rush it without causing damage that may not be fixable later. Cherish and nurture your identity in your heart, but keep it close until the time is right. I can't tell you when that is, but I can tell you when it
isnt. It's not when you're all stressed out to the point where you let the situation control you. You need to be as calm as possible (not easy, I know!) and in as much control as you can muster. In the meantime, keep it in your mind that
we all know who you really are and love you that way.
When I was at the point where you are, I took the opportunity to do two things: first was to push all the loving memories I was making at the time onto the stack to keep for forever if things didn't go well later. As it turned out, all of that mental stress was wasted. Things worked out great, and I continue to make new memories with the same people as my new self. The other thing I did was work on building "karma points." I was especially helpful and cheerful with family and friends, banking good will to draw on later. When people remarked that I seemed exceptionally happy, I smiled to myself with the internal knowledge that there was even greater joy coming down the pike. And when I did come out, I could refer to the happiness they'd seen and explain where it came from. If they truly love you they want to see you happy, and when they finally understand the source, it will help them be supportive.
So relax and enjoy your family. Be cheerful and helpful, and secure that you're on the right path. And we're all here if you need us.
Addendum: Kathy posted her advice while I was typing, and though it may seem that way, my post doesn't contradict hers. When to come out is something you need to decide, and it may be that now is right for you. Just don't let yourself be driven to it through desperation. Until then, build those karma points and smile as much as you can!
- Stephanie
