Told my mom and dad

[Arianna Valentine]

So i told first my sis in law a few months ago along with my older brother that i'm transgender they are all cool with it.  well tonight i told my dad (i promised my brother id wait until after Christmas) well i thought for sure he was going to disown me and kick me out of the house.  well he didn't he was upset and said omg i don't want to hear this but i said it anyways.  so hes not to happy but he said hes known for awhile i think maybe he just needs to accept it i guess.  my mom on the other hand who was barely there throughout my life was very happy and seemed very excited as well so i am happy at least one of my parents are.  but i guess my question is my dad said i wont be dressing up and looking like a woman around him because (it's embarrassing) and was upset enough to call me "gay and a ->-bleeped-<-" and just that line made me have to fight back tears and i can only think how is it embarrassing to you its my life my decision.  so is there someway to help my dad to accept me a bit easier he is 66 and i am his caretaker but i don't want to hide who i am i am a woman and i want to dress look and act the way i want.  what can i do?

[Bari Jo]

So i told first my sis in law a few months ago along with my older brother that i'm transgender they are all cool with it.  well tonight i told my dad (i promised my brother id wait until after Christmas) well i thought for sure he was going to disown me and kick me out of the house.  well he didn't he was upset and said omg i don't want to hear this but i said it anyways.  so hes not to happy but he said hes known for awhile i think maybe he just needs to accept it i guess.  my mom on the other hand who was barely there throughout my life was very happy and seemed very excited as well so i am happy at least one of my parents are.  but i guess my question is my dad said i wont be dressing up and looking like a woman around him because (it's embarrassing) and was upset enough to call me "gay and a ->-bleeped-<-" and just that line made me have to fight back tears and i can only think how is it embarrassing to you its my life my decision.  so is there someway to help my dad to accept me a bit easier he is 66 and i am his caretaker but i don't want to hide who i am i am a woman and i want to dress look and act the way i want.  what can i do?

First of all, good for you.  Coming out to the parents is incredibly difficult.  My dad is in the same boat.  I am not dressing very femme when around him.  I am strongly adding a flourish here and there.  Nail polish is a must for me now at all times.  I also us Ed a purse.  Slowly I will be presenting even around him.

Bari Jo

[Arianna Valentine]

First of all, good for you.  Coming out to the parents is incredibly difficult.  My dad is in the same boat.  I am not dressing very femme when around him.  I am strongly adding a flourish here and there.  Nail polish is a must for me now at all times.  I also us Ed a purse.  Slowly I will be presenting even around him.

Bari Jo

well in the past couple months i started wearing nail polish then bras and pantyhose then moved on to jeans and sweaters and boots for women even my glasses the only thing i haven't done yet is wear makeup in front of him lol

[Allison S]

I think he may need time. Being that you're his care taker do you see him everyday? That could be an issue here. You're feelings are important and that's cruel to call you names. Doesn't sound accepting at all of you so be careful

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[Tamika Olivia]

Alright, this is gonna sound ice cold. You don't have to continue being your father's caretaker, under any circumstances, but especially if he's verbally and emotionally abusive. All adult child and parent relationships are opt in, and you can cut them off if they become harmful. So use that, tell him that he can either accept you as you are and keep a civil tongue, or he can look for a new caretaker. It's gonna be hard to face if you do, he will try to guilt you, berate you, or break you until everything is his way. But the end result will either be better behavior from him, or you won't have to care for an abusive jerk.

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[Faith]

We all know he's wrong and disrespectful, at the least. If he's over the top in comments and disrespect, it's up to you to shut him down and make clear that it's not acceptable. Don't expect him to just figure it out on his own.

You have to decide how you want to present. If caring for him is important to you, you may consider 'dressing-down' rather than 'dressing up' out of consideration. His lack of respect for you doesn't mean that you have to reciprocate. I would never recommend hiding yourself, there are ways to be yourself without flaunting. In this case, you are doing it for you and not for him.


I hope that came out right ....

[Denise]

well in the past couple months i started wearing nail polish then bras and pantyhose then moved on to jeans and sweaters and boots for women even my glasses the only thing i haven't done yet is wear makeup in front of him lol

All that follows is my personal opinion based upon experience...

I think what you are doing is perfect.  He knows now, you are already presenting with female clothes etc.  For make up less is better.  Be subtle. 

I think he really doesn't want to see you in a skirt/dress.  But if you've been seeing him  in all other female clothes, and he didn't say anything or was unaware of you transition then keep doing it.

One thing I've come to realize, we all know this, women don't always wear feminine clothes.  I started getting less stares, ma'am'd more often... When I dressed down with very subtle make up and totally blended in.

Unless you're going clubbing or looking for a date don't glam up; especially in front of your dad.

Have you heard the phrase "boiling a frog"?

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[Arianna Valentine]

I think he may need time. Being that you're his care taker do you see him everyday? That could be an issue here. You're feelings are important and that's cruel to call you names. Doesn't sound accepting at all of you so be careful

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i do see him every day in fact im his live in caretaker he needs 24 hour care and today woke up i didnt hear no nasty names or anything its like everything went back to before i told him but i will still wear my boots and jeans and shirts within reason (i currently prefer long sleeve and tight ones lol) ill just a little more careful like not using makeup right know which i really dont anyways im still learning how to put it on good but my sis in law is helping with that lol.