Transgender groups

[Leslie601]

Along my journey there have been ups and there have been downs. Seems like the downs are greater than the ups.
I have been seeing various head docs and they've been super,  I always feel up after a session.
But I also attend a couple of Trans groups, one at the VA and one local trans group. In both cases I do seem able to vent and express myself considerably more that I can anywhere else. As do the others at the group. But, the prevailing feeling, at least for me, is very negative. Rarely do I leave one of these feeling up or positive. Maybe more like relief because I got to vent. It could be because everything everyone says is so negative. After all, this is a tough, tough road we're on. Many fail or give up. But, just enough succeed that the rest of use keep plugging along.

So I guess what I'm trying to figure out is whether groups help or hurt, what do you think?

Lesliie

[AmberAmaze]

In my experience so far, groups have been extremely unhelpful. Most other trans people wouldn't bother to make a friend or physically help anyone else out. I still have a long ways to go and am no closer because of them. LGBT centers I have visited have literally driven me away. The first one told me to move away and that they literally had 0 resources and all the trans women in there group aside from not just not wanting to help me would talk about things like cars, which made me feel the odd one out. I tried another LGBT center and they allowed a terf to yell in my face that I wasn't born female, which sent me home crying never to return. The center wanted me to compromise with her. On top of this center just not really having much help either. If you are lucky you may get a list of doctors/ therapists out of a center, though if those don't align with your needs you are out of luck. I also find that online most trans people aren't helpful either most do not understand me and there seems to be a ton of different views and segregation. I have made the most progress sadly when I have worked alone.

[Allison S]

What do you mean most fail? I've heard mixed reviews about groups here too

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[rmaddy]

I think support groups help.  If they seem darker or more pessimistic than online resources it owes to the fact that people tend to cloak themselves online, resulting in an online persona that only vaguely resembles the actual person.  Sure, people try this with group too, but the non-verbals are usually overpowering, and the BS is more easily swept to the side.

In terms of why people fail in transition, it is certainly not because of support groups.  The main reasons, in my opinion, are unsupportive families, chemical dependency, lack of insurance/financial resources and unrealistic goals for transition.

[Leslie601]

I agree with that. there are a number of reasons why people fail in their journey. Poor support is a big one. Unrealistic expectations another biggie.

Leslie

[Michelle_P]

Transgender persons only support groups can be very helpful, particularly if the facilitator or moderator can skillfully direct conversation.  It also helps if the group is run under a covenant of sorts; requiring confidentiality, and prohibiting personal attacks or requiring only "I" statements rather than "You" statements.

These groups can provide help in navigating the local medical system, as well as pointing out useful local resources like safe or accepting thrift stores and other businesses.  They can provide some understanding companionship.

I'd be careful about trying a LGBTQ group or "gender issues" sort of group as one's initial group, as being the only or one of a small minority of the group who is transgender may leave one open to all misunderstandings and misinformation the other group members have regarding being transgender.  Seeking help while being put on the spot, challenged, or having to educate the other members of a group can be daunting.

[Tamika Olivia]

I went to a group a few times, but then it rained, and then it conflicted with a wrestling ppv I had plans to watch, and now it's a year later. I liked it, but I don't think I needed it.

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[bobbisue]

     I have only attended one support group it is the closest one to me and is still 2-1/2 hours away I only get there a few times a year but have found it very helpful as to the people all but one have been wonderful and kind I believe the challenges we face affect the way we see and treat others I know it has for me living in a very small town and being the only out LGBT person in town can be lonely so getting to a group session is extra special for me

     bobbisue

[Julia1996]

I only attended one trans support group one time. No, it wasn't helpful and it wasn't a good experience. The members were kind of hostile towards me.I was told since I transitioned so young I didn't have any real problems like the others in the group. But that was one group. I wouldn't say all groups are bad because of that one. I don't really feel the need to attend a support group. I get good advice both trans and non trans issues here on Susan's.

[Anne Blake]

We all have different needs and are coming from different positions in life, the one thing we share is somehow being associated with transgender. When I first began I knew nothing of the transgender or lgbtq world and was seeking information and guidance. My partner and I had heard stories of so many people and couples crashing and burning and we hoped to learn from their mistakes. I have been a part of three different groups, apart from Susan's Place, and each had purpose and some sort of benefit. Susan's has been the best resource for information of our world and close or very close friendships and is undeniably one of my stronger sources of support. But two other local groups have been able to give me a couple or few very close friends, that if needed, would drop everything and be there in time of need. These close friends contribute to the village or tribe that allow me to feel whole, complete and safe. I am currently reaching out to a woman's group in an attempt to expand my tribe.

Short statement; transgender support groups may be able to provide what you need but you may have to come to them understanding your need. And for me, currently, my need is developing a safe wide extended family to be a part of. My local groups have contributed to that family.

[Leslie601]

All good points. I've often wondered as a person reaches the end of their personal transition they settle in, get comfortable with their new life and really no longer need Susan's or groups, and just go on with life. I've noticed several folks here that no longer respond to PMs. I find myself wondering what their story is. Were they successful? Did they go off in some other direction? Are they okay?

Leslie

[Michelle_P]

All good points. I've often wondered as a person reaches the end of their personal transition they settle in, get comfortable with their new life and really no longer need Susan's or groups, and just go on with life. I've noticed several folks here that no longer respond to PMs. I find myself wondering what their story is. Were they successful? Did they go off in some other direction? Are they okay?

Leslie

That does often happen.  I know a number of women who essentially completed their transition, and the complexities of everyday life eventually overwhelmed the need for therapy or specialized support.  They are too busy running their businesses, or traveling the country, or working at their jobs.  They are, finally, comfortable and just living as their authentic selves. 

Some may be out, just living but honest about their true nature.  Some are activists, up front and 'in your face' transgender folks.  Some are stealth, passing, living the life that they always wanted and keeping their origins secret.

I do know of some specialized group therapy sessions for post-op women, that provide some guidance and aid in navigating the world and settling in.  As you might imagine, some folks attend for a while, then less frequently until we notice that they've vanished.

It seems to be the way of things and a natural cycle.