My parents accept me, but still get upset

[ShortMan339]

I've been out to my parents for about two years now and we are really starting the medical transition. I'm on the road to hrt now, I've seen a counselor and we just need to decide which facility to go to for my treatment. However, whenever I go to speak with my parents about my transition, they get stale and irritated, not with me but about everything, then they start fighting. I can't help but feel like I'm the cause. They've had problems in the past, enough to where they actually were actually going to get a divorce until our priest stepped in and sent them to a counselor. Every time they start arguing it scares me cause they've had these problems and they could get divorced. I just overthink and over analyze, its just a part of my history. My psychologist helped me understand how they feel some, she explained how they are having to let go of their daughter, grieve her. I understand that, but they just get hostile with each other and start projecting that grief onto the other and then they have problems communicating and start fighting. It helps to understand the grief but it also makes me feel like its my fault. It's not but it is. I trigger they're communication issues. They were being so nice and okay earlier but I walked in and asked if they've called my doctor to get information and instantly they started raising their voices and getting more sharp with each other. Things are getting done and I'm happy for that, but they get so tight with each other. This is just for HRT, I've talked to my mom about top surgery but god knows how that will go when I really tell them about starting that process. I'm just kinda feeling heavy. I feel problematic and like a burden. Has anyone else dealt with accepting but grumpy parents? How can I deal with this? I'm dealing with enough stress inside my body, enough stress from school and social things, I don't want to deal with my parents stress but it feels like I have to. Any advice helps. 

[Dena]

It appears you may be an only child and haven't lived in close proximity to somebody else. In a close relationship there has to be a fair amount of give and tolerance of the other person. If there isn't, the least little thing can start an argument and often the subject matter isn't important enough to argue over. I have always been a laid back personality but my roommate wasn't and sometimes giving her the smallest advice or suggestion was enough to set off her temper. It took years for her to understand that she could ignore what I said and it wouldn't bother me and once that happened, the number of argument dropped almost to nothing. Your parents haven't learned this lesson in consoling and unless they do, their marriage could break up through no fault of yours. You are not the reason for the argument, just the excuse.

[virtualverny]

my parents are quite accepting but they're generally very grumpy people too. i think it's something to do with the fact that some parents just really, really struggle to accept that the daughter/son they gave birth to is actually a son/daughter, and they feel like both of them have to get to know you again - when in reality, they don't, and you're the person you've always been! maybe try talking to your parents individually. of course, you should be accepted by everyone you come in contact with, but coming to terms with a trans relative is different for each individual and so should be dealt with differently by each individual perhaps your parents will be slightly less grumpy if you spend time with them on their own rather than talking as a group unit. good luck!

[Laurie]

  Hi  Shortman, I see that you are new here. So please let me say, Welcome To Susan's Place! Come on in and take a good look around.  Perhaps I can even get you to hop on over to the Introductions Thread and  create a post to tell us a little bit more about yourself so we can get to know you a little better and greet you properly. I'll add some links and information below that can help you get more out of our site. Please take time to become familiar with them especially the RED one as we are always getting questions that are answered there.
 
Laurie
Global Moderator
Laurie@susans.org

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)	Cautionary Note
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy	Membership Agreement