Transgender, Asexual, and Lonely: Any Advice?

[JoniComeLately]

Hello Everyone:
First, let me say just how much I admire and respect all of you who are transitioning into your true selves. I keep taking baby steps myself. I've been pretty successful at growing out my hair, wear full makeup to work, but haven't started HRT (except for phytoestrogens and eating a ton of soy and flax), but my biggest problem is loneliness.

I'm attracted primarily to women, but in a non sexual manner. I crave intimacy and most physical expressions of love, but draw the line at sex (I won't go into why, that's another post). I also don't want to compromise my femininity, so that rules out most cis women. I've had a few positive encounters with trans women, but get scared off over the prospect of sex. Have any of you been in a similar situation? How do you find emotional intimacy without sex as a trans person? Thank you for reading my post.
Hugs,
Joni


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[jessica95]

Hello Everyone:
First, let me say just how much I admire and respect all of you who are transitioning into your true selves. I keep taking baby steps myself. I've been pretty successful at growing out my hair, wear full makeup to work, but haven't started HRT (except for phytoestrogens and eating a ton of soy and flax), but my biggest problem is loneliness.

I'm attracted primarily to women, but in a non sexual manner. I crave intimacy and most physical expressions of love, but draw the line at sex (I won't go into why, that's another post). I also don't want to compromise my femininity, so that rules out most cis women. I've had a few positive encounters with trans women, but get scared off over the prospect of sex. Have any of you been in a similar situation? How do you find emotional intimacy without sex as a trans person? Thank you for reading my post.
Hugs,
Joni


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I am sexual and attracted to woman both emotionally, romantically,  and sexually. So i dont know how to answer your question. But you could go to a therapist and ask for help. I am sure you will find out about in the end!

[jainie marlena]

Hello Everyone:
First, let me say just how much I admire and respect all of you who are transitioning into your true selves. I keep taking baby steps myself. I've been pretty successful at growing out my hair, wear full makeup to work, but haven't started HRT (except for phytoestrogens and eating a ton of soy and flax), but my biggest problem is loneliness.

I'm attracted primarily to women, but in a non sexual manner. I crave intimacy and most physical expressions of love, but draw the line at sex (I won't go into why, that's another post). I also don't want to compromise my femininity, so that rules out most cis women. I've had a few positive encounters with trans women, but get scared off over the prospect of sex. Have any of you been in a similar situation? How do you find emotional intimacy without sex as a trans person? Thank you for reading my post.
Hugs,
Joni


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

You know this makes sense to me!! I feel attraction to both men and women but it is the sex part I don't want. That, I am a do it myself kind of person. I want everything else but the sex part.

[JoniComeLately]

You know this makes sense to me!! I feel attraction to both men and women but it is the sex part I don't want. That, I am a do it myself kind of person. I want everything else but the sex part.

Yes, I'm with you on the DIY part. Thanks for you answer [emoji3]


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[jainie marlena]

Yes, I'm with you on the DIY part. Thanks for you answer [emoji3]


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I'm feeling a DIY sex topic separation of intimacy and sex. [emoji3]

[bobbisue]

     Joni I totally agree on the cuddling and companionship part I have no interest in sex even diy, cuddling used to be a prelude to sex but now for me it is a prelude to more cuddling While i do hope that some day I do regain an interest in sex I would be over the top to wake up in someones arms

     bobbisue

[JoniComeLately]

     Joni I totally agree on the cuddling and companionship part I have no interest in sex even diy, cuddling used to be a prelude to sex but now for me it is a prelude to more cuddling While i do hope that some day I do regain an interest in sex I would be over the top to wake up in someones arms

     bobbisue

I would gladly give "Oscar Meyer" up for some cuddling and companionship! [emoji6]


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Cindy]

Hi Joni,

Welcome to the Forum.

Many of us feel isolated and lonely particularly as we start off on this journey. What I can say is that for many of us we do end up meeting people and living wonderful lives.

This is a great place to meet friends so welcome and join in and meet people.

Here are links to information that will help you around the site.

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
Reputation rules	Cautionary Note	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy

[xAmyX]

I can imagine it's possible. You may have to find someone with similar views. Then it will be second nature to have such a relationship. For me, I have a really hard time not becoming sexual while having intimacy. Being held by a guy or a girl will send me into a powerful state of bliss that will perpetually lead me to wanting to please them to show them my powerful love for them. It's a very intense feeling, and I want to make sure the person whom is holding me and making me feel secure is taken care of. The joy I receive from relieving them of their needs is so powerful that even if I don't receive a release in return, I'm completely acceptable of that. Most of the time I don't orgasm anyway when having a sexual encounter. That doesn't mean it's not enjoyable! It's those emotions that I'm absolutely addicted to! It makes my stomach tickle SO much, and fills my heart with joy! Oh my. I love to please the person I am in love with.

[JoniComeLately]

I can imagine it's possible. You may have to find someone with similar views. Then it will be second nature to have such a relationship. For me, I have a really hard time not becoming sexual while having intimacy. Being held by a guy or a girl will send me into a powerful state of bliss that will perpetually lead me to wanting to please them to show them my powerful love for them. It's a very intense feeling, and I want to make sure the person whom is holding me and making me feel secure is taken care of. The joy I receive from relieving them of their needs is so powerful that even if I don't receive a release in return, I'm completely acceptable of that. Most of the time I don't orgasm anyway when having a sexual encounter. That doesn't mean it's not enjoyable! It's those emotions that I'm absolutely addicted to! It makes my stomach tickle SO much, and fills my heart with joy! Oh my. I love to please the person I am in love with.

Hi Amy, thanks for your answer. I know exactly what you mean about the joy you can feel from fulfilling the needs of one you love. I've felt that joy myself, but you have to be careful to give yourself to someone who will accept you with respect and not with judgment. That's where I've gone wrong in the past. I'm working on this in therapy, but it's a hard road back.

I'm so happy that you can feel the joy of intimacy, but please be careful. There are many people out there who would take advantage of your loving and generous spirit. Never settle for less than you deserve.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[xAmyX]

Oh, I've been through it. Believe me. We learn from these scenarios, and get better at preventing them. One way of doing this is to be observant, pay attention for red flags, and based on the severity of those issues decide whether or not to end the relationship yourself. Another way is to avoid dating people in the first place, unless they absolutely demonstrate in some way their devotion to you, and show the signs of someone that wants commitment. Until then, focus on you, and making your life better for yourself. Even when you do find someone, never lose your value of yourself. Always focus on making your life better. Even in relationships, independence has it's place. You're letting someone into your life, not letting someone declare ownership of it.

[Christy Lee]

Your topic Describes me down to a E (for Estrogen? ya know instead of T, anyone?....  )

I learned to cope with it by not trying to cope with it, and just accept that im going to be lonely i guess....

[elkie-t]

When I was out nearly full-time, one of my neighbors (a female) actually took an interest in me and over time we became good friends. I told her upfront that as a girl I am not attracted at another girls, and she confessed to me later that she still sees me as a guy yet willing to accept anything along the path of transition for me to be happy as myself... We had many fine conversations and been out to many places together as two girls. She sort of was a blessing and the best female friend with whom I could talk about anything - from desire to have sex with some cute guys to going out and what to do in a bar when you have no money, to family matters. Anything was on the table for open discussion...

I was lucky to have her companionship, yet at the end I became scared she still sees me as a guy and just hopes to have me to support her financially in exchange of emotional support. Our relationships ended nicely and easily - I did not made her no promises and I explained that we cannot continue to meet as often because my circumstances had changed. We're still friends on Facebook, and I am glad I had such a wonderful neighbor at the time

[xAmyX]

I haven't had a friend since I was a kid. I forgot what that feels like. Only people I've spent time with were boyfriends/girlfriends. It's been more than 20 years since I called up someone I wasn't romantically attracted to and ask if I could come over and hang out. Don't know if I'll be doing that anytime soon. As much as I'd like to have a friend, I don't trust anyone for ->-bleeped-<-. They always disappoint me sometime down the line, and I'd prefer to avoid reliving that ponderous disappointment, avoiding recollecting exasperation into the fields of insanity. That's exactly why 100% of my relationships started on the internet. No one stands a chance at reaching a romantic occurrence with me in person from baseline. I simply would not give them the opportunity to get that close. The most they'll get from me is a 'hi' as I walk away and continue doing whatever it is I have my mind set on accomplishing that particular moment.