I'm still in the confusion state of things, I'm in and out of hormones, I take them for few months and the moment i see any change I stop out of fear that I'm taking it too far. That was until 2 years ago when I had to move back home with my mother, since then I stopped everything (including en-femme sessions).
I'm still not sure of what I want, I think the feminine desire is just a fantasy, but the idea being there all the time is too much for a fantasy, I'm still not sure.
I think about taking a vacation from being male for a year and try the feminine life then make my judgement before going back on hormones, but then again, I'm nowhere near convincing and living in a country that criminalizes crossdressing. So, I'm not even sure this solution will give me a real experience of what being a woman is like.
So, I'm sticking to my male regiment, not getting involved in any kind of relationship (I don't want anyone to get hurt), and thinking of what I should be doing.
Ps: I don't mind living the lie called masculinity for the rest of my life (if it's a lie) as long as I convince myself that being female is just a fantasy. Although I must admit that if I was half convincing as a woman I would have walked the feminine path long ago.
