Telling the kids [emoji33]

[Amber42]

Hi all,

My wife and I have kind of decided to tell our kids before they start back up at school next week.  (Maybe tonight) [emoji33]

My wife is still not sure what will become of our relationship, and still wishes this to just go away.  She has been on the fence and resistant to telling the kids but does realize that it needs to be done eventually.

To be honest, I thought I was totally ready to tell them but I get those hesitations... The whole thought of instilling any sort of discomfort or pain to my kids is tough.

They are 13 & 16.  We are pretty close as a family and it has been tough to imagine a future without 'us'

Does anyone know of good online resources that I could point them to, that would be age appropriate?

Thanks everyone[emoji847][emoji847]
Victoria❤️



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[Rachel]

I am sorry I do not have an in0line source. I just wanted to wish you luck.

[Jessica_Rose]

Your children will be concerned about their family - specifically their parents. They will want some reassurance that you will be staying together if possible. When I came out to my wife she took it hard. After about eight months I convinced her to visit a therapist with me. After two or three visits my wife began to understand why I needed to transition. When I look back at the person I was before HRT I am ashamed of how I treated my wife, I really do not understand why she stayed with me for over thirty years. Although she is certainly not happy about suddenly becoming a lesbian, she is happy with the emotional changes that have been brought about by HRT. Thanks to our therapist, my wife now plans to stay with me, till death do us part.

It is possible that hiding the truth may already be affecting your children and you just don't see it. I had anger issues all of my life, but it took me over forty years to figure out what was causing it. I came out to my daughters last week, the day after Christmas. I posted the letter that I read to them in this thread, along with their response:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,232173.new.html#new

I wish you and your family all the best.

[SueNZ]

Hi Amber,
When I told my son it was done quietly and with my wife present. I don't think you need online resources right now as they will more than likely have lots of questions for you to answer honestly and clearly. I agree with Jessica, that you need to show a united front even though you both don't know where you may end up.
I have found that the information that they need will need to come from you as you are the only one that knows what stage you are at. As you have found, there is a massive range of information from so many areas and levels that I think they could end up with the wrong idea about you.
Keep it simple and clear and you will do fine.
Good Luck.
Cheers Sue.

[jessica95]

Hi all,

My wife and I have kind of decided to tell our kids before they start back up at school next week.  (Maybe tonight) [emoji33]

My wife is still not sure what will become of our relationship, and still wishes this to just go away.  She has been on the fence and resistant to telling the kids but does realize that it needs to be done eventually.

To be honest, I thought I was totally ready to tell them but I get those hesitations... The whole thought of instilling any sort of discomfort or pain to my kids is tough.

They are 13 & 16.  We are pretty close as a family and it has been tough to imagine a future without 'us'

Does anyone know of good online resources that I could point them to, that would be age appropriate?

Thanks everyone[emoji847][emoji847]
Victoria❤️



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You can show them tv series of people who are transgender thats an easy and entertaining way for them.https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/transgender explains it. A youtuber who is transgender woman .    Good that you are gonna tell them, and lets hope your relationship wtih your wife also continues and doesnt go away!

[Amber42]

So, we told the kids.  It was very tough to get it out of my mouth, but I did it.

In summary, they reacted quite well.  My daughter (13 year old) surprised us tremendously.  She actually said, "I'm ok with it, even if you decide to transition, I'll love you no matter what!", And proceeded to give me a huge hug.  They both hugged me for a long time.  That made me so emotional.

My son was initially ok but then broke down and cried.  He said that he is proud of me and happy that we told them.  He was also scared about what this all meant.  In his words, it was a lot to take in and he had a lot of mixed emotions.

We spent the day together, seeing a movie, playing games, etc and it was nice.  They will still need time to digest what they heard, but overall it went much better than I thought.

I am happy that it is off my chest and I can be completely honest with my kids.  This was very important to me.  On top of everything, I am so proud of them and the things they told me.  They spoke and reacted more mature than most adults.

My wife was also relatively happy with the way it went but was very sad to see my son become emotional, but this will take some time.  I am also very proud of my wife for being here.

All in all, I feel that the family got much tighter and closer which is a good thing.


Rachel,

Thank you for the kind words [emoji4][emoji4]


Jessica,

Thank you for sharing your story.  I am so happy your wife is in it for the Long haul.  I have always wished that love would prevail in our situations.  I hope my situation will be the same.
I hope things have been well since you have the news.  [emoji847][emoji847]


Sue,
Thank you for sharing.  Your advice is very sound.  In fact we did just that, we approached this as a team.  They didn't even ask if we were splitting up.  I guess they read the way we were talking, that we were united in this and that helped a lot.
[emoji847][emoji847]


Jessica,
Thank you for the links.  I will review them and I may be sharing some when the dust settles.  I will be giving some time for them to fully digest it. Thanks[emoji847][emoji847][emoji847]


Thank you for all the support, it is always nice to know that others have been through this and made it to the other side ok.

Hugs,
Victoria❤️


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[LizK]

That must be a huge weight off your mind. That is a very tough thing to do and I applaud you and your loving wife for doing such a great job. Sounds like they both took it pretty well and hopefully over the next few days, after the shock value wears off, they can talk to you about how they feel. My daughters were a bit older when I told them but I think its a generational thing. Your kids are far more familiar with Trans people than my kids who are who were far more switched on regarding trans issues than my generation.

I am sure this will have the effect of bringing your family closer together. I know my wife and Daughters just closed ranks around me and we are a really tight family. We share everything both good and bad I hope you can develop a great relationship with them both.