Okay, is this too simplistic? To me a fetish is about attraction to objects. Preferences is an attraction to people, people with specific qualities. If a person sees another person as an object, with no regard for their personality, yes I see that as a fetish. If I am in the market for a partner, I do not disqualify someone who has a preference for trans people if they see me as a person and show feelings for me. If someone has a preference for brown eyes , I am not shoving them to the door as a fetishist, unless they worship my eyes and care nothing about me. As trans people, we have certain out of the ordinary attributes and experiences. There aren't that many of us so we are unusual. I think we do ourselves a disservice to say that because someone finds us attractive partially based on us being trans, that we should recoil in thoughts that we are objects of a fetishist. That in my opinion is being hypersensitive. Now, if you are living stealth, I understand not wanting to be attractive for any trans quality you have. As for me, I don't need for someone to completely disregard any trans quality I have in order for them to be acceptable to me. Part of what makes me 'me' is that I am trans. I would want a partner to appreciate that part of me also.
Moni