dilemma with my life

[noitsbecky]

so i just feel like quitting.  i dont want to talk anymore to anyone but my family like selective mutism because even though i can use my female voice socialy my anxiety wont allow it.  i feel like between car troubles kids and rent i will never be able to afford surgery.  i am feling like i am living back in the closet after 10 years full time.  i am never going to be a beautiful woman so whats the point of trying i need to lose over 100 pounds to just qualify for surgery but my hrt and anti depression meds make that hard.  i cant stop crying when i see someone pretty or someone who can afford to do things that would be equivalent to my surgery cost.  i keep canceling my therapy apointments cause my anxiety is making me scared to drive.  i am crying now i just needed to vent.  but im done not sure how to get out of this funk im so scared of everything

[Allison S]

Hi, Becky is it? I'm sorry to hear you're having a rough time. Things can all seem to go wrong at the same time. It's a terrible feeling. Is there anyway your health insurance can cover surgery you need? I'm not sure what you have but if it's considered medically necessary they would have to.


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[Michelle_P]

Becky, I'm so sorry you are going through this rough patch.  The anxiety, depression at apparent lack of progress, and the need for insane amounts of patience make the transition process hard.  Really hard.   It is far too easy to think we are 'stuck' and going nowhere.

Something that helped me was to focus on just one detail, one thing I needed to do.  I'd just make it to Tuesday.  Tuesday morning, I'd make it to the car.  I'm in the car, and driving to the therapy location.  (And yes, with terrible anxiety.)  I'm in the parking lot, and I can see the entrance 80 steps away.  I'm inside...

Honestly, I had to break it down that much some days just to get into therapy.  It was after maybe three sessions like that, when the therapist talked me into going into a coffee place next door after therapy and ordering a drink.  The world didn't end, and I made it.

It's not easy to face our fears and anxieties.  Take it one small step at a time.

Hugs
Michelle

[gv2002]

Great advice Michelle


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[Devlyn]

Becky, get in touch with some local support groups, they may be able to steer you to low cost/free healthcare. Losing weight won't cost you a dime. Just take on one issue at a time. 

https://www.susans.org/links/Local_Support_Groups_&_Organizations//North_America//

Hugs, Devlyn

[noitsbecky]

Thank you all i am trying one thing at a time approach

[Jailyn]

Well have someone drive you then to therapy. Therapy is where you need to be to get the help for the anxiety. Finding a way to have positivity will help. Also you have to be happy to exude more beauty, like a pregnant woman. Do ever see an unhappy pregnant woman? I haven't i.e. the glow. Beauty isn't everything girl!!!!! As mentioned loosing weight doesn't take much small diet changes and start some exercise regime for yourself!!!!