Losing An Activist Community - Lesbian to FTM

[frankie]

 Hi guys!

This is my first post on the forum!

Lately, I've been feeling a little lost, in that I no longer really know which activist spaces I'm allowed to attend. Let me explain a bit more. So before I came out I was very involved in LGBTQ+ activism as well as feminist circles, I was very involved in fnb (female + non-binary) groups at my university, and applied to many access workshops for things like theatre, coding, and other STEM activities. Since coming out as ftm, however, I feel like I'm not longer technically welcome or 'allowed' in these spaces. What once was a safe haven now feels unfamiliar. I am pre-T and pre-op, and although I pass about 70% of the time, it's not 100% of the time, and as such don't feel safe in activist spaces that aren't solely fnb. Further, having been socialised as female whilst growing up, I did not benefit from any of the white male privilege I will benefit from once I begin to medically transition, and as such I still need these access groups and activist groups because, though I was oppressed as female and lost out on opportunities because of this, I am still oppressed as ftm.

A number of fnb groups in my university luckily do accommodate for trans members, but my main worry is that I've sort of lost a sisterhood/community that I once thrived in and felt comfortable and accepted in because some people (TERFs included) won't allow/feel comfortable for even a pre-everything ftm dude to be involved. Of course I understand that I will have to be very aware that my voice may no longer take a front and centre place in these spaces, since I am no longer considered female, and once I do begin to medically transition this will be even more important. I don't know if I'm being selfish by wanting to still have access to these spaces and still be involved and supportive. Mostly, I'm just a bit lost and scared about losing a community I hold so dear.

I was wondering if there are any guys out there who have felt the same way, and what you did to cope/what you did about it. Other than that I'm not really sure what I wanted, I just needed to put my words out there because it's been playing on my mind.

I hope you're all having a good 2018 so far,

Frank x

[KathyLauren]

Hi, frankie!

Welcome to Susan's.

I am sorry that you are feeling excluded.  Losing a community, especially an activist community that I am sure you felt passionate about, must be hard.

If there is a positive takeaway from this, it might be that they seem to be gendering you as male already.

Please feel free to stop by the Introductions forum to tell the members about yourself.  Here is some information that we like to share with new members:

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
Reputation rules	Cautionary Note	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy

[Yakayla]

This is actually a really good thing. You and the community is having troubles seeing you as female. Which is great! Though it's not the same type of feeling, you are being accepted in a different way. And to feel like you're 70% passable even before HRT is just awesome! You shouldn't feel bad that you no longer feeling like this is the place for you, because it was going to happen eventually. All good things gotta end eventually. But you at least got to have such a good experience. You might feel lost now, but you will always be able to find something new. And the people you got to meet will always know that your a great supporter of woman as well. Just because you are no longer part of that group doesn't mean you have to lose contact with them. Maybe start trying to go for the next step forward and try to start joining in men's activities. Just keep trying and you'll get there

[Laurie]

Hi Frank,

  I'm Laurie. Though it is sad that the community you were welcomed into is now making you feel ostracized it is something I have heard of before. Some of those groups as you know are openly hostile towards the transgender community. I just chalk it up to the need for change in our world. You can still be an activist. You can be an activist for our transgender cause and our human rights. There is many active groups that do so and now that you are on your own journey to be who you want you are you can join them.
  You have already joined us here and my dear you do belong here. Not only do you belong but you are welcome here and wanted. I know the FtM forum will welcome into their ranks as much as your are welcomed by the rest of the community here. So come on in Dear and join us in sharing our journeys as we share yours.

Hugs,
  Laurie

[Kylo]

Since identity politics started to go off the deep end I find myself wanting it as far as possible away from me. Trans and LGBT is not some prefix I have to or want to wear wherever I go, and I would rather be judged for the content of my character. Which has been the case more often than not because people get to know me before this information is revealed to them.

But you can't have access to women's spaces or groups for long and you'll find they have a lot more than we do. You just have to adjust. Women and men see men differently and that's something you have to accept...

[widdershins]

Different women's organizations take different stances on this. Many women's colleges, for example, admit trans men under the grounds that they also face discrimination because of gender. My local women's center helped me out using the same logic. It wouldn't hurt to check out the policies of the groups you're involved with if you aren't sure.

But there's a difference between an organization's formal stance on the issue and how the average member is going to treat you if you show up to a meeting. Whether it's worth it to continue once you stop passing is kind of up to you and your own tolerance for the hostility you might encounter.

I've personally filled the void with LGBT-specific organizations, which fill a lot of the same functions and work toward many of the same causes.