The Legend of Grizzly Madams
As anyone who has had some type of electrolysis would know, it's necessary to have a few days' worth of growth on one's face before getting it removed. Laser took care of a lot of what I had but because of my age, a lot of what was on my chin and throat was all gray and immune to the laser. Because of that, I'm having to get the rest removed the old-fashioned way: HNT or Hot Needle Torture.
Thanks to HRT and the halting of testosterone poisoning, growth has slowed considerably. Prior to my weekly HNT session, I save up about 3 days of hair growth. This past week however, I ended up with 4 days worth instead. On the day of my appointment (Tuesday at 12:45), I got a call from my director while I was driving in to work. He asked me if I could attend the senior staff meeting in his place since he was in a training class. "Sure, no problem" was my reply before realizing just what I was walking into.
The senior staff meeting is all of the directors plus all of their managers in the same room, reporting to their higher-ups. I'd filled in at this meeting before but that had been the "pre-transition me".
"Oh, <EXPLETIVE DELTED>!" I said, when I realized I'd be walking in there with all that hair. That started up the stress machine and it was all I could think about for the rest of the drive.
Granted, all of the directors and most of the managers know my story but even still. The last thing I wanted anyone to think is that I might be backsliding somehow. They wouldn't know just what a terrifying thought that is to me. I've faced down a lot of my fears during the past two years but that is one that will linger for some time before I can finally put it to rest.
The meeting went very well - thankfully I had decided to wear my hair down that day so exposure of all that unwanted hair was kept to a minimum. Once I got started, focusing my attention on talking about the status of our various projects, that fear just melted away.
Of course, the stress from that morning plus an unusually brutal session of HNT, plus a friend asking me about a misgendering incident I'd had the day before, well...all of that made for a pretty rough day, to the point that I felt like I could have a "lady minute" at any time with little provocation. There's a bit of irony in that statement because in spite of presenting as female as I normally would any given day, I felt very un-feminine which was a distraction that just amplified all of the other negative thoughts.
The meltdown didn't happen though. The day ended and I blew off all but one of the errands I'd had planned and went home to my kitties. After making a simple dinner, I made sure to get to bed early that night. I knew that a big part of why I'd been feeling so emotionally low was due to lack of sleep.
Today was a better day.
