I'm new here, but I've got a lot to say, so here it goes.
I don't know where this should go so it's going here. I am (biologically) a male, I've forgotten the proper term, MAAB, I think. Anyways, let's dive right in.
I think it was about 6-7 years ago, I started to get this feeling that something didn't feel right (I was about 12 at the time), but I had no idea what that feeling was or why it happened. Now, this might sound a bit weird at first, but in every game I've played, if given the option, I have always preferred the female characters. I remember doing this as early as Tony Hawk American Sk8land (which came out in 2005, but I got it in 2007) for the DS. At that age (8ish), I thought nothing of it, but looking back at it now, I think it possibly could have been the more feminine side of myself expressing itself subconsciously. Fast forward to about 4 years ago (I am now 14) I first learned of transgender being a thing. My first thoughts were something like "That's a thing, wait, what is this? Huh, interesting..." I think I was more confused, I don't think I was ever disgusted or repulsed by it.
A year later, I discovered there was a trans person in my high school, I never met them, I just knew of their existence from other people talking about them, in....a not so kind way. (finding 1 out of 1900 is something I wasn't willing to do) Me personally, I try not to judge people until I meet them and talk to them a bit. I've always lived with a motto of "If you're cool with me, I'm cool with you", so that could be a reason as well...Anyways, about 3 and a half years ago, I started trying on my mom's dresses and such, after discovering that we are (and still are) the same size after a few laundry items got mixed up. This eventually led to me cross-dressing when I was home alone (Side note, when I was younger(10ish), I was told I looked like Kevin from the series of the same name. Anyways..) There have been moments where I was almost was 'caught/discovered', I guess is the best way to put it.
Fast forwarding again, to about 6 months ago, I get into college, which is when I truly started to question my identity, It got to the point where it was starting to drive me (slightly) mad, so I decided to join the LGTBQ organization on campus. A few of the people suggested that I also join the support (therapy) group on campus, so did. The group combined with the club (which I will call Rainbow, since that is its real name, anyways) helped a bit, about halfway into the semester (sometime in October), I tentatively said I was Genderfluid, but somehow, that didn't feel quite right, but I was only out to the people in my group and my roommate (He didn't seem to care, Neither supportive nor rejecting. Neutral, which is good, I guess, I mean I live with the guy after all.)
Not too long after that, I made a pretty big step for someone who wasn't 100% certain. After one of the Rainbow meetings, most of us went to a nearby Red Robin for dinner. I had gone to this meeting with a relatively nice dress on, so I decided "Eh, screw it, I'll go with this on" So, going out in public as the opposite gender I felt kind of nervous, but since I was with other (awesome) queer folk, I felt quite safe. I don't have the courage yet to do this on my own, I'll have to wait a few months (It's winter, and I don't have any woman's pants besides pastel pink pajama pants)
A few weeks later, I settled on half-trans, since I wanted to present as feminine, but not go all the way with surgery and the likes(not that there's anything wrong with that, I just feel as if it's not for me).I have considered HRT and I have talked to other Rainbow members about it.
Now, because of where I attend college, I'm not too far from a great trans health center, so access isn't an issue. As a broke, jobless college student, the issue is payment, and I doubt my insurance will cover it, since it is through my mom's work, but that's whole different topic that I'm not going into now. In the 2 weeks leading up to winter break, I (with tips from others) wrote a letter to come out to my mom. Over winter break, I was waiting for the time to be right, but it wasn't until a few days before I went back for the spring semester, I finally decided to tell her.
My parents aren't religious or x-phobic (x replacing all anti-LGTBQ 'phobias') so I didn't have to worry about being kicked out or shunned or anything like that. The conversation went about a little worse than I expected, with the only part not going as I hoped it would, is my mom not fully accepting the 'trans' part. She did say she has suspected something was up since she knew some dresses had gone missing. (Personally, I think she never wanted to confront me about it, since it would have been very difficult to explain at the time) She said that she thinks I'm a male with strong feminine characteristics and traits. Which I do partially agree myself, But I still want to be able to express myself the way I want to. Though, I wrote the letter I was going to read while I was deciding between half or 'full' trans, and I went with 'full' for the explanation. I don't really remember much about our conversation other than that one thing, since it mainly went as I thought it would...
We* both agreed it would be better to wait and tell my dad, since he has the beliefs of "Oh, that's the normal thing for your generation to be doing" and "You are what sex you were born as, surgery can't change that" From what I've seen, he also has some degree of 'toxic masculinity'. So because of all of this, I'll need to write and come up with an entirely new approach to telling my dad. My mom is much more open to discussion about things like this, so it was much easier to tell her first.
Anyways, this is my story and my introduction, sorry it is so long, but I had a lot to say, and it kind of turned into several mini-rants along the way. Thanks for taking the time to read all of this, I hope it made sense, considering writing isn't my best thing. If there's something that needs clarification , please let me know and I'll do my best to explain it.
Fun facts:
In the document I typed this up in it is 3 pages.
The '*' marks the 1,000th word.
This has 1,216 words in all, including all of this, essentially making this a short essay.
I actually did write this like it was an essay. Spell and grammar checking everything along the way.
