Neighbors

[Bari Jo]

I'm starting to see a trend that may have been there for a while.  I am a social person, not extremely so, but one on one or small groups I'm good.  As a dog owner, I'm outside frequently and see my neighbors and talk.  there are a few husbands I speak with, but by and large it's the wives.  I noticed this especially last night.  A new neighbor came home with her husband and they came over to say hi.  He almost immediately seemed uncomfortable and went upstairs while we talked.  Perhaps I give off that vibe?  I don't mind it.  I want to be approachable and accepted by women.  I just didn't know it was already happening.

So, what is my question?  I'm not sure, I just wanted to persevere this thought.  Maybe I should begin a bari jo thread too just to keep these thoughts organized and not spill over everywhere.

Bari Jo

[JillianC]

Bari Jo, I noticed that over the holidays.  I went to a couple of parties and the women all approached first and seemed friendly while the males seemed uncomfortable.  It was really reaffirming for me as it was the first time I was getting gendered as a female in different social situations.

[Julia1996]

I think that's a very good idea. I think a Bari Jo thread would be interesting. I always enjoy reading your posts. And I love Roll's thread.

It can't be proven scientifically but I really believe there's a pheromone component to hrt that people, especially males, notice without consciously knowing it. Before transition most guys were uncomfortable around me because I seemed to confuse them. After I started HRT I seemed to confuse them even more. Guys at school would just look at me sometimes like they were confused but didn't know why, not that it stopped them from being mean to me. The difference was before HRT they would call me fagot, homo or whatever. After HRT they would hesitate for a few seconds, look confused and then call me fagot or whatever. Girls seemed to notice it too but in their case it just seemed to make them a little friendlier to me or at least not as mean. Then there's another phenomenon that happens with a few guys. Once you've been on HRT for a while a guy who was always aloof toward you will suddenly start treating you much nicer and become much more friendly. It's like he still considers you male but his pheromones,  body chemistry or whatever override his normal unfriendly behavior towards you. That happened to me with one guy. This guy named Mark lives a couple of doors down from us. He's my brothers age and he's kind of friendly with my dad and brother. He comes over a lot when they are out in the garage working on the old car my dad is restoring. If you ever want to attract a bunch of guys have a couple of guys stand around a car with the hood open. Every guy within 50 miles will show up. If I happened to be around when Mark was here it was obvious I made him very uncomfortable.  He would say hi to me but other than that he wouldn't speak to me at all and he would totally just stare at me. Once I asked my brother what he had said about me and he told me he had never said anything at all about me. So maybe 6 months into HRT I happened to go out to the garage to talk to my dad and Mark was there. At first he just said his usual hi. Then a couple of minutes later he said " you look nice today Julia ". And he even smiled at me! I was like WTF??? That was more than he had said to me in like the year he had been coming over. I didn't know he even knew my name. It even surprised my dad. Later on I asked my dad and brother if they had said anything to him about me and they said no, that Mark had never mentioned anything about me and that they hadn't volunteered any information about me or my transition.  It was weird. I find it hard to believe that a 19 year old guy who was so obviously uncomfortable around me suddenly became relaxed and accepting. I think it had to be some effect of HRT. Pheromones, my general odor, something.  He still comes over and since then he's very nice to me.

As for my other neighbors, there's a lady next door who's really sweet that I just love but other than her we don't speak to any of the other neighbors. People in the neighborhood are polite but very standoffish. It might be because my dad is a cop. A lot of people just don't like cops. Or it could be because of my mom. She was not only unfriendly she was kind of rude. She always said neighbors were like stray cats. If you were nice to them they would start wanting to hang around and you would never get rid if them. They don't come any friendlier or warmer than my mother.  Once when I was talking about something my mom had done the lady nextdoor said " well sweetie, your mother is just a miserable bitch". Lol hearing an 84 year old lady call someone a miserable bitch was hilarious.

[Lady Sarah]

I'm sure guys think women-talk is just as boring as women think man-talk is boring. The last time I spoke to my adoptive father, I darn near fell asleep!

[Toni]

I think Julia brings up an interesting point.  Chemical response, pheromones.  My wife has said for a long time that I don't smell at all the way I used to.  I  was kind of warm the other night and I was wearing clean PJ's and had showered before bed.  I use all unscented soaps so nothing in clothes or shower contributed, but for the first time, when I just fanned the covers to cool off I could very clearly notice a light, almost sweet scent that I guess was me (I was by myself).  I liked it, but time will tell how others react, though I have considered that maybe something subliminal was going on by the way some of my male friends that are accepting have changed how they treat me.  Toni

[Shy]

My male neighbour can't get away from me fast enough unless he wants something, then he's all chatty.
He refuses to stand outside my front door though like I am part of the great unwashed or something.
Another of my male neighbours is really confused by it all, bless his cotton socks. We were friends before I started transitioning and you can tell he still wants to be friends but is afraid of what the other neighbours might think.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

[Paige]

I think Julia brings up an interesting point.  Chemical response, pheromones.  My wife has said for a long time that I don't smell at all the way I used to.  I  was kind of warm the other night and I was wearing clean PJ's and had showered before bed.  I use all unscented soaps so nothing in clothes or shower contributed, but for the first time, when I just fanned the covers to cool off I could very clearly notice a light, almost sweet scent that I guess was me (I was by myself).  I liked it, but time will tell how others react, though I have considered that maybe something subliminal was going on by the way some of my male friends that are accepting have changed how they treat me.  Toni

I think Julia is right about this too.  My wife has commented numerous times that I don't smell the same anymore.  I've also noticed that I've had some some strange reactions by some men.  It's weird, I'm still presenting as a man but it seems that some men have almost a sweet disposition to me now and I've only been on low dose for a year and a half.

Paige

[plastic-mayhem]

I notice men lose their initial discomfort when they realize im married and in a deeply committed relationship.  Perhaps the perception of single vs taken comes into play

[Allison S]

Recently they just stare at me with a very confused look. I don't think overall they're nicer to me more so than before. There's one guy at work that seems to have warmed up to me a tiny bit but that could be since we see each other everyday.

I've noticed with my male clients at work they stopped calling me "man, guy, bro". Something changed with that.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

[RobynTx]

I'm starting to see a trend that may have been there for a while.  I am a social person, not extremely so, but one on one or small groups I'm good.  As a dog owner, I'm outside frequently and see my neighbors and talk.  there are a few husbands I speak with, but by and large it's the wives.  I noticed this especially last night.  A new neighbor came home with her husband and they came over to say hi.  He almost immediately seemed uncomfortable and went upstairs while we talked.  Perhaps I give off that vibe?  I don't mind it.  I want to be approachable and accepted by women.  I just didn't know it was already happening.

So, what is my question?  I'm not sure, I just wanted to persevere this thought.  Maybe I should begin a bari jo thread too just to keep these thoughts organized and not spill over everywhere.

Bari Jo

Was there a football game on?

[Bari Jo]

Was there a football game on?

Good question.  I never know when games are on.  I'm an artsy type person. I barely follow the rules of any sport.  I've seen this behavior all the time though.  I did see some neighbors talk sports to my dad though.  They never try to do that to me.  Well some have tried with "do you watch football?"  my answer is usually "I watch the commercials sometimes".

Bari Jo

[Julia1996]

Good question.  I never know when games are on.  I'm an artsy type person. I barely follow the rules of any sport.  I've seen this behavior all the time though.  I did see some neighbors talk sports to my dad though.  They never try to do that to me.  Well some have tried with "do you watch football?"  my answer is usually "I watch the commercials sometimes".

Bari Jo

Ugh! I always know when football is on. Everyone in my house totally ignores me when it's on. Except for snack requests during commercials. I would love to sneak out during a football game and cut the cable. But if I did I would end up hanging from that cable.

[RobynTx]

I'm in Texas so even most women know when there is a game on.  I grew up watching football and have my favorite teams.  But I have to admit that this year I wasn't that interested in football like I used to be.  I don't know if it's the HRT or what.  Actually none of the regular sports I enjoy are that interesting. 

[SonadoraXVX]

I think it would be a good idea of putting a bari jo thread, so as when you go off topic and into another theme in your life, some of use won't be confused about the original post's thread theme. I've been on hrt for the past 5 years and well, nobody talks to me at all, except one neighbor, my girlfriend who lives with me, kinda is like Julia1996's mother, lol). I work on my own cars(except my new pickup) and no, I'm not really into sports, maybe baseball(Dodgers lost the World Series). I guess you get used to it, the attitude of people, as long as their not hostile(i.e.I live in the South L.A.). I do notice that  males don't talk to me and females are kind of ok with my presence. I feel like I'm blazing new territory, but always enjoy reading about others experiences, since I learn things.

This thread is educational for me, since the treatment I endure, is all new to me, for the past 5 years. I present myself more an androgynous white collar male, with good mechanical skills, aka a work in progress.

If there's one thing regular guy's do respect, from a man or woman, is mad(ie.great) blue collar/mechanical skills, aka welding, fabrication, automechanics, carpentry, plumbing, electricity, and masonry.

[Amie June]

Great discussion, Bari Jo! I've seen the word "confusion" in some replies and that sure seems applicable. I also think women just socialize differently, which is why I prefer their company, and men might instinctively react to their interacting together without knowing. It could be women's gestures, language and the content of their conversations. When I approach a group of male relatives, my interest lasts just minutes ... boring. I think everyone's observations represent all the micro adjustments we have to make in living our lives.

Lindy

[Amie June]

My male neighbour can't get away from me fast enough unless he wants something, then he's all chatty.
He refuses to stand outside my front door though like I am part of the great unwashed or something.
Another of my male neighbours is really confused by it all, bless his cotton socks. We were friends before I started transitioning and you can tell he still wants to be friends but is afraid of what the other neighbours might think.

Thanks for sharing your experiences, Sadie. I'm actually afraid of these situations, because I'm surrounded by farmers who will not understand me at all. (I'm pre-transition.) And I'm planning to move because of it. When I talk to my neighbors and they're wearing coveralls and work boots, and I'm wearing earrings and a pretty scarf, I feel self-conscious and waaaaay too decorative

Lindy

Lindy

[Jessica]

I think Julia brings up an interesting point.  Chemical response, pheromones.  My wife has said for a long time that I don't smell at all the way I used to.  I  was kind of warm the other night and I was wearing clean PJ's and had showered before bed.  I use all unscented soaps so nothing in clothes or shower contributed, but for the first time, when I just fanned the covers to cool off I could very clearly notice a light, almost sweet scent that I guess was me (I was by myself).  I liked it, but time will tell how others react, though I have considered that maybe something subliminal was going on by the way some of my male friends that are accepting have changed how they treat me.  Toni

It goes both ways with pheromones.  A close friend and I hugged and I knew immediately she was pregnant.  I didn't say anything.  She soon told everyone she was expecting!
I told her later she hat I knew before she said anything.  I'm certain it was her scent.

[barbie]

I noticed this especially last night.  A new neighbor came home with her husband and they came over to say hi.  He almost immediately seemed uncomfortable and went upstairs while we talked.  Perhaps I give off that vibe?

My observation is that some people of the U.S. tend to be too judgmental, especially those who are catholic. I remember I sometimes experienced that kind of situation when I resided in the U.S. Those people like to hate others too easily, explaining in part why hate violence is so widespread there. I have never faced that kind of situation in my country (S. Korea), Japan or China. Even Catholics here are very open-minded.

barbie~~

[Kylo]

Might be as simple as the mannerisms you may have begun to adopt or the topics you prefer to talk about or even the way you talk. Some people will exit the conversation if it looks like they're not of interest to you.

I am one of those people. If someone acts like the other person is massively fascinating to them and I am not even being acknowledged, there's not much point in me sticking around/standing around like a lemon.