@Laurie Quote from: Laurie on May 30, 2019, 09:11:50 PM
Hi Jess,
It was with dismay that I read your recent posts regarding inviting friends to visit at great risk of exposing yourself to family and friends should they see you with non cis friends. Oh for sure I and almost all of us have known that risk of suspicion or out right exposing our dark secrets. I'll grant you it is a scary possibility. I am saddened to read you felt let down that your friends did not take you up on your invitation.
But please let me posit this, could it be possible that your friends may have felt your fears of exposure in your invitation? Perhaps you mentioned that you would be put out of your comfort zone by having them come over. Perhaps the invitation itself felt a bit of an imposition for you or more of a consolation for not being able to visit them, as had been tentatively agreed, on your one day you usually have to yourself. Is it possibly conveyed any of these contrary signals to your friends in your invitation? perhaps your friends were actually of the belief their not accepting your invitation was doing you a favor?
Big sister, I believe you hit the nail on the head. Yes I did say I would be out of my comfort zone but the situation I tried to portray was that I felt comfortable with having two women friends come up to my home and enjoy a lunch together. I live in 1 o'clock position in the court I live in, so there is a sense of seclusion and the oasis is private, along with no one home.
This situation most likely will be hard pressed to find until next September when my grandson returns to school. I will be now watching him most days. The chance I had yesterday was a connection with all the dots to allow it. Moments like that are fleeting and must be grabbed while it's in your hands.
The feeling that declining would bring me comfort was misplaced and only saddened me, and the thought that I was trying to make up for my own cancellation is plausible as I did feel bad about it and tried to create a situation that still allowed my chores to be completed and have lunch with these dear friends of mine. I love my friends and have no compunction to be seen with them.
Next time when I say come over, hopefully the invitation will be accepted.
But your thoughts are spot on in how this situation can be perceived for many of us here and I appreciate them.
And maybe the way I write can be interpreted as vague.
It's still my mess to deal with.
Love ya sis! Thank you for your visit to my thread, you're long overdue.
Hugs and smiles from a California girl