Bari Jo's Corner

[Bari Jo]

The hairline created is higher than I wanted by about a 1.5 centimeters.  I know I have hidden my lack of hair fairly well in my pictures, but it was advanced, so even with 4900 hairs transplanted it could only be so much.

Still time will tell.  I might like it fine.  My goal is to be gendered correctly, and I can say that the prettiest cis female I work with has a higher forehead than me now:)

Bari Jo

Why do you think it's not enough?

[Allison S]

The hairline created is higher than I wanted by about a 1.5 centimeters.  I know I have hidden my lack of hair fairly well in my pictures, but it was advanced, so even with 4900 hairs transplanted it could only be so much.

Still time will tell.  I might like it fine.  My goal is to be gendered correctly, and I can say that the prettiest cis female I work with has a higher forehead than me now:)

Bari Jo

That's understandable you want the best results. I always feel the same way with laser hair removal- I want better.

That's definitely a victory!! Congrats [emoji4]

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[Bari Jo]

My sister told me over this break that brighter colors work better on me, and to stop wearing hoodies.  I really like how short jackets look on me, so I went short jacket shopping over the weekend.  I went to the mall and the outlet mall.  My goal was to spend as little as possible, which for the most part I did, even got one for $16.  They are all feminine in their own way too even if being denim.

I had lots of interactions with sales people all gendered wrong.  I've yet to be gendered correctly by a salesperson.  However, no problems occurred.  A customer asked me in one store if this was the ladies department as I was comparing two jackets in front of a mirror.  I said, yes, ladies.  He then asked if I knew where the men's dept was, and I just smiled and said, sorry, no.  That was my big happy thought during that trip.  I just owned my experience, damn the thoughts from others.

Still though, I feel like I'm soooo far away from passable it kills me.

Bari Jo

[Roll]

I feel that so much of it is hair, and you are on the way now on that!

I wish jackets weren't so expensive, I really want a good fem one myself.

[Allison S]

Yes I think hair makes a huge difference. I still have short hair I've been growing out a few months but realisticially need longer.

Bari Jo I know it's such a long journey. I gusss we all do but the difference is that some have made it to the other side, some in the midst (us), and others just starting.

Gender dysphoria is a lonely place to be..

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[ToriJo]

Still though, I feel like I'm soooo far away from passable it kills me.

What people always tell me: "Give it time, girl!"

One thing I am doing is that I'm talking a picture weekly or so of myself - nothing super fancy, just me in whatever I'm wearing anyhow, with whatever makeup I have on anyhow, etc.  And I'm sticking them in a computer folder with all the images sorted by date.  When I'm feeling awful, I can click on them and see, "Yes, there actually is some change from when I started."

It's also awesome you have a sister giving advice!

And keep reminding yourself that you are a full, complete, 100% woman. You are!

[Katie Jade]

One thing I am doing is that I'm talking a picture weekly or so of myself - nothing super fancy, just me in whatever I'm wearing anyhow, with whatever makeup I have on anyhow, etc.  And I'm sticking them in a computer folder with all the images sorted by date.  When I'm feeling awful, I can click on them and see, "Yes, there actually is some change from when I started."

That's what I am doing, certainly helps me, and Bari Jo you certainly are moving on girl.
My avatar at the moment was taken today after my cataract surgery yesterday so one messy eye and no make up.
I'm looking at hair transplants as well as we have a local clinic that does the robotic harvesting and planting  thing. Its costly though so may end up with a strip scar. My own hair is about 4" long at them moment and mousey light brown to silver grey.. It will be a while for me, but I think I'm getting closer to where I need to be as well.
Have fun girls and keep going as your all looking more gorgeous every day.
Katie

[Cassi]

I've been taking pics myself and while my current avatar looks nothing like my previous ones, it's me and almost half a week old.  I'm sure some are thinking, why the pic but if I could post both a before and current as the avatar it would be
obvious.  Hair is a big issue for me also.  Plan on going to CostCo soon for the rogaine, lol.  And hair almost covers my ears

[Bari Jo]

Seeing old pictures does give me hope.  There have definitely been changes, just not enough to be gendered correctly.  I'm going on ten months now.  I really wanted to start dating by now, but just not femme enough to be comfortable.

Also adding in my thread on people knowing I'm the workplace.  This journal of sorts helps me big time she I lose track of myself in this journey.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,236363.0.html

Bari Jo

[LizK]

Hi Bari jo                                                                   

I read your post about being gendered correctly and for me that didn't happen regularly until I gave them enough clues that I wanted to be gendered female. I guess from their point of view they would hate to insult you by misgendering you so they are usually very cautious. Once I started to wear makeup and feminine outfits it became a thing of the past. No one miss-genders me anymore unless they are trying to be rude. Once your intent is very clear to the person (despite their views) then it is simply rude to gender you incorrectly and I have found that most people want to do that. There will always be exceptions to the rule and those people are just rude...however I have found the majority of people are not.

Take care

Liz

[Bari Jo]

Hi Bari jo                                                                   

I read your post about being gendered correctly and for me that didn't happen regularly until I gave them enough clues that I wanted to be gendered female. I guess from their point of view they would hate to insult you by misgendering you so they are usually very cautious. Once I started to wear makeup and feminine outfits it became a thing of the past. No one miss-genders me anymore unless they are trying to be rude. Once your intent is very clear to the person (despite their views) then it is simply rude to gender you incorrectly and I have found that most people want to do that. There will always be exceptions to the rule and those people are just rude...however I have found the majority of people are not.

Take care

Liz

Hi Liz, Yes, I believe you are correct.  I'm giving clues, but not enough.  I think it's time I make a list of what I can do to extend the clues and stay within my comfort zone. I'm about to reduce the number of Blue Jeans, and instead wear colored jeans.  Maybe accentuate makeup.  Color coordination of the studs I wear to my shirt, buttons on jackets, necklaces.  Of course the main thing for me is hair restoration and beard removal.  I wish laser worked on me.  It did as a temporary fix, but all hair came back, boo.

Bari Jo

[Bari Jo]

Something to add, which at first I didn't think anything about, but I've heard it from a few people so I'm documenting.  I'm getting a lot of compliments on this new style with the hat and short jackets.  One girl even told me I look so cute and I'm rocking it.

I honestly didn't feel that different in it, but I am feeling so completely at ease with the path I'm on recently, so maybe that's part of it too.  I find others at group asking to shop with me and wanting to be my friend.  I feel like a ball of optimism right now.

Bari Jo

[Megan.]

Your happiness makes me smile [emoji4]. X

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[Rachel]

I agree hair makes a huge difference. Hair transplants or a wig.

I had hair transplants and it makes a huge difference. It takes time for the hair to grow but when it does it make a big difference.

I have been doing electrolysis for a long time and have a ways to go. It can be very expensive.

[JudiBlueEyes]

Having a personal style and being at ease with yourself is totally liberating.  Keep it up and you may find its contagious at your group.   

[Bari Jo]

I have been doing electrolysis for a long time and have a ways to go. It can be very expensive.

Yes, ridiculously so.  We might as well just give our elecyrocutioners new cars!  They cost the same!

Bari Jo

[Bari Jo]

So, step forward at work.  HR has asked if they can notify upper mgmt.  This is basically to control the news of my transition and to guide reactions company wide.  I agreed.  I still don't plan on formally coming out to my team for another six months.  If people start to ask questions beforehand, there will be an avenue to answer.

I'm struggling with weight at the moment.  I'm 7 lbs over my min, and I want to be 9 lbs below my min.  My self control sucks right now.

I am down too quarter of the Spiro that I used to take.  My doctor says my e level will inhibit t production.  I can't wait to see the next test results.  I can say that I feel horny again.  I really need a boyfriend.

Bari Jo

[sarah1972]

This is a great next step! Remembering your old pictures and comparing to what I went through, you will get questions pretty soon. At least from people you are close with. Hope HR gives you some feedback, I never heard anything from HR (But then I did not even discuss my coming out with HR, I just did it).

Yeah, the struggle with weight control. i was good until apr. 14 month into HRT, now I am fighting to get it back...

You have come so far Bari! Very happy for you....

So, step forward at work.  HR has asked if they can notify upper mgmt.  This is basically to control the news of my transition and to guide reactions company wide.  I agreed.  I still don't plan on formally coming out to my team for another six months.  If people start to ask questions beforehand, there will be an avenue to answer.

I'm struggling with weight at the moment.  I'm 7 lbs over my min, and I want to be 9 lbs below my min.  My self control sucks right now.

I am down too quarter of the Spiro that I used to take.  My doctor says my e level will inhibit t production.  I can't wait to see the next test results.  I can say that I feel horny again.  I really need a boyfriend.

Bari Jo

[Bari Jo]

This is a great next step! Remembering your old pictures and comparing to what I went through, you will get questions pretty soon. At least from people you are close with. Hope HR gives you some feedback, I never heard anything from HR (But then I did not even discuss my coming out with HR, I just did it).

Yeah, the struggle with weight control. i was good until apr. 14 month into HRT, now I am fighting to get it back...

You have come so far Bari! Very happy for you....

HR has been only supportive for me.  I really appreciate it.  My boss has been calling me by my name always when we are alone, as I am not out yet.  I'm amazed how on top of it they are.

Thanks, yes, I've come very far.  I love how 'normal' it feels.  Only when I haven't seen someone in a long time do I get stares or comments.  One person commented that I'm dressing like a rock star.  Hmm, a little odd, but I'll take it.

A little more in transition.  This occurred at one of the three support groups I attend.  A trans girl that has been out over a year and is full time was really down.  She said one of her friends that has always been supportive, is now distancing, and she asked why.  The answer from her friend was that she was never okay with it, and was only humoring her.  Now she doesn't want to be around her.  She mentioned this has happened with numerous cis friends.  The whole time she's telling this, I'm scared to death in my head.  All my friends I've told so far have been supportive.  Will this happen to me?  God I hope not.

Then she surprised me by saying she just wants to hang out with more trans friends and literally singled me out as someone she wanted to hang out with.  It got me thinking, me?  Why me?  I'm the old one in this group.  That's when I realize I might be old, but I seem to have it together.  I have somehow avoided bad experiences and have had very understanding neighbors and friends.  Am I like a mentor for these younger folks?  It's so weird, but I think yes.

After working through this, I told her I'd throw her a cocktail party at my gallery.  Ill invite neighbors and our support group.  We can just be social and happy for a few hours.  She was so happy.  The party is this Sat.

Okay and another trans moment, a little humorous.  I went to my electrocutionist and had her work on my upper lip.  The center area was really painful so she worked just on the outside and she literally removed ALL the hair on my upper lip except the center.  I have a Hitler mustache shadow now.  Next session I will deal with the pain to get that gone too.

Bari Jo

[davina61]

With a smile Heil Bari jo. nice to see things coming on, happy days XXX