Allie's Blog IV: Revenge of Allie's Blog

[Oldandcreaky]

No apology needed. I enjoyed all three posts.

I have bitsy breasts and thus often don't bother with an undergarment, but when I do wear a sports bra, I look so much neater.

The quality of your marriage and the quality of your friends are telling. Their good energy comes from your goodness.

[imallie]

No apology needed. I enjoyed all three posts.

I have bitsy breasts and thus often don't bother with an undergarment, but when I do wear a sports bra, I look so much neater.

The quality of your marriage and the quality of your friends are telling. Their good energy comes from your goodness.

Awfully nice of you to say, and greatly appreciated. I do think it really speaks to the character of those I've been lucky enough to surround myself at least as much, though.

Regardless, the bottom line is I know how very lucky I am and do not for one moment take it for granted.   

[imallie]

Well, it's finally here - "Hair day!" 🐇🤔😉😂

Very excited, but, I have to admit... as with every big step on the journey, there's always an element of "imposter syndrome" that bubbles up on these days, and partially mutes my excitement — at least initially.

There's always a part of me who feels/wonders if I'm not authentic... who measures my story against others and finds it wanting — although I know I have no reason to do so. And it makes me wonder if THIS step will be the one that is too far... where I will take it and feel as if I have finally stepped on the third rail, on what previously had just been a casual walk down the tracks on my journey.

With everything in the past — first day of electrolysis, hormones, telling my wife, my family, etc etc etc... I have found each step not only affirming but energizing. But even so, the day begins with this germ of a doubt, as this one does too.

So... very VERY excited about this morning... but there's still that small part of me cautiously watching for warning signs.

Love,
Allie

[Jenn104]

Well, it's finally here - "Hair day!" 🐇🤔😉😂

Very excited, but, I have to admit... as with every big step on the journey, there's always an element of "imposter syndrome" that bubbles up on these days, and partially mutes my excitement — at least initially.

There's always a part of me who feels/wonders if I'm not authentic... who measures my story against others and finds it wanting — although I know I have no reason to do so. And it makes me wonder if THIS step will be the one that is too far... where I will take it and feel as if I have finally stepped on the third rail, on what previously had just been a casual walk down the tracks on my journey.

With everything in the past — first day of electrolysis, hormones, telling my wife, my family, etc etc etc... I have found each step not only affirming but energizing. But even so, the day begins with this germ of a doubt, as this one does too.

So... very VERY excited about this morning... but there's still that small part of me cautiously watching for warning signs.

Love,
Allie

I feel that same way. "Is this the one that feels like one too many?". Funny thing, it hasn't ever been. I get surprised by even the smallest of small steps.

I read your blog and think you are authentic to the core. Not even a doubt. Enjoy the moment. I kinda think you have this.

edited in- You not only have this, you have earned it and deserve it.

Jenn

[Oldandcreaky]

Hair should be huge for you, Allie, as far as how people see you. How much of your facial hair remains?

[Oldandcreaky]

Waiting to hear how it went.

[imallie]

Hair should be huge for you, Allie, as far as how people see you. How much of your facial hair remains?

I shave now on Fridays (sometimes Thursday if I have to be somewhere) and then again on Sat or Sunday... and then let it grow until my Wed electrolysis session. What it looks like fully "grown" is a light gray goatee. But also there's some hair on my neck, but it's not very visible at this point. Mostly the goatee.  So... fingers crossed end of the year we're basically done?

[imallie]

Ok... here's the update for today. If we were playing "Transition Bingo: First-Time Edition" today? My dauber would be running low on ink.

Got dressed this morning, and was wearing a long-sleeve polo and some Lands Ends stretchy women's cords that I wear a lot. My wife took one look and smiled, pointing to my chest area. Again, I wasn't that aware... but she was right. So ... I went into the drawer and grabbed a sports bra and threw it on underneath. FIRST TIME I've gone out of the house wearing a bra.

Got to the salon. Well, we chose... wisely. I've seen videos and TV interviews with the owner. We've emailed. I knew she was kind. Well she was awesome. She and the salon staff member who was my primary contact. The two of them were just so much fun with me and my wife (the salon owner kept telling my wife "when this is done, we make you blond next! No.. ok... highlights? No... ok.. I'm not giving up..." 😂)

I've been gray since 16... so they started by showing us a gray piece.. but it's synthetic and well, it looked like a mop. We said.. no. They agreed, and said the real natural progression for me and my skin tone and hair would be blonde.

So they showed us a blonde topper. Like YELLOW SUN blonde. And it nearly broke my brain. I mean.. just all the stuff that was happening... hair on my head to begin with and now this bright blonde? Yeah, we were both in agreement as to it being "too much, too far"

Tried another piece but they didn't like it, and then a third which is a blended piece... darker roots and then light brown hair...and it clicked. Everyone liked it. So while we weren't sure if just consulting today or buying we said "let's go for it."

So that meant, they had to die my hair to blend. And just like that... after 40 years... I'm a dirty blonde. FIRST TIME HAVING MY HAIR DYED.

Then the topped was attached, cut and styled... and wow. I mean.. wow.  I really like it. My wife really liked it and the salon folks were crazy about it.  So we had a choice about clips (removable) or beads (semi-permanent — 5/6 weeks at a time)

We went with clips... to give us the option. But we said it put it on and style it and I walked out with it on... and immediately went to a restaurant for lunch.  So ... yeah FIRST TIME OUT IN PUBLIC dressed and with hair.

Lunch was great, no problem. My wife said it was because I was ready. If you had a blood pressure cuff on me it wouldn't have changed the whole time. I was calm. If people were looking I didn't register it. Our waiter came over and said "Good afternoon ladies, what can I get you to drink" and we were off from there.

My only issue was, I realized that I hadn't used the restroom at the salon. I regretted that. My wife said to use it at the restaurant, and I felt that was a bridge too far. She said the place wasn't that crowded, it might be empty anyway and she'd go with me... but I still passed.

Well at the end of the meal we were getting ready to go, and she grabbed me by the hand and basically dragged me to the women's room. First of all, it was grand central station in there. Like there were 1,000 women in there. I'm quite sure I'm not exaggerating.

But even so... did what needed to be done. Washed hands, and walked out and... FIRST TIME USING WOMEN'S ROOM IN A PUBLIC PLACE

Oh and by the way, the photos of me with hair? Shared them with my sibs, our son... my therapist, my electrologist and a couple of friends already. Figured, might as well. Got lots of great feedback.

So... I know the transition book has about 90 chapters. But if we were on chapter 3 yesterday, I feel like we blew through at least the next two full chapters today alone.

Exhaustedly yours,
Allie

[Oldandcreaky]

Then the topped was attached, cut and styled... and wow. I mean.. wow.  I really like it.

This made my eyes shine.

Our waiter came over and said "Good afternoon ladies, what can I get you to drink" and we were off from there.

And this made my tears fall.

[LoriDee]

Oh, Allie!

What an exciting day. So many firsts and you breezed through them. I am so happy and proud of you. I think you will find that now you can relax in public and not be constantly thinking about how you look. And that wife of yours! I would hug her to pieces. She was right in tune with you. That is so awesome.

It won't be long and you will build the confidence to go out on your own, and even use a public restroom. Soon, even that will be no big deal. You will be busy thinking about the next big step.

Congrats!

Do we get to see a new profile pic? or maybe a glimpse of your new style and color?

Big Hugs to both of you!

[imallie]

This made my eyes shine.

And this made my tears fall.

Yeah, I think I've always been able to get into "game day mode" - meaning when it's a big event with a lot of tasks to do I am able to be outside myself a bit in order to be who and what everyone needs me to be to get the job done.

The downside of that is, in the moment, while I can acknowledge the significance of certain events, I don't allow myself to be moved by them, for fear of stalling out mid-task.

My point is, only now — a few hours later, am I really able to emotionally appreciate today. ❤️

[imallie]

Oh, Allie!

What an exciting day. So many firsts and you breezed through them. I am so happy and proud of you. I think you will find that now you can relax in public and not be constantly thinking about how you look. And that wife of yours! I would hug her to pieces. She was right in tune with you. That is so awesome.

It won't be long and you will build the confidence to go out on your own, and even use a public restroom. Soon, even that will be no big deal. You will be busy thinking about the next big step.

Congrats!

Do we get to see a new profile pic? or maybe a glimpse of your new style and color?

Big Hugs to both of you!

Thanks Lori!

And you're spot on.  Today was pretty easy, but I owe so much of that to my wife. I saw the whole day through her eyes. After all, I spent much of it taking to her, getting her input.

If she wasn't giving out 100% loving "you got this!" vibes all day, it would have been much more challenging — if not impossible.

As for pic sharing? Sadly I'm going to refrain. For me, I feel it's best to keep that separate. 

However I do have photos of the back of my hair... might get back with one of those. 

[imallie]

C'est moi... well, you know, from behind.

[LoriDee]

I love it!
Awesome choice.

[imallie]

I love it!
Awesome choice.

Thanks Lori! I definitely had my Beyoncé moment - I posted one picture and then apparently I broke the internet around here for three days. 😂

[LoriDee]

So that's what happened!
< eyes you suspiciously >


Hugs!

[imallie]

Buncha stuff to update folks on... and then a topic I need some help on. I think I'll break that up into two posts. Updates first.

Some leftovers from the day on Saturday...

Didn't mention this, but while we were at the salon, my wife was sending update pics to my sisters. I could see their responses on my Apple Watch (she had my phone) but I also had my glasses off most of the time so "see" is used liberally.

So I didn't reply at all until it was all done and we were en route to lunch.

My three sisters were all effusively positive and supportive...in *sigh* their own ways.

One of them, sent a message that basically said "Looks great, are you able, though to pick something different? Like a different style and color? That would be fun, right? Here's a website where you can get toppers. Not sure if you are aware of it. Also, now you just need some better clothes!"

I replied... "Yup.. all set."  Because "WTF are you talking about?" Did not seem like a constructive response.

My other two sisters called me almost immediately, laughing their heads off. We all were. This is just that sister's way. She means absolutely nothing by it. She thinks she's being supportive. She's excited... it's just... dear lord.. it's just a lot.  Oh and to put a button on that story, she's a therapist.  Go figure.

——-
Also sent that to one of my friends. He knew it was "hair" day... and I said I had photos, and there were three phases, I'm happy to send zero, phase 1, 2 or 3. Whatever he wants. He said bring it on. And he was really positive and funny. In response to the photo I posted here, he sent back a photo of his wife from behind... as my hair is pretty close to her's. He said "I knew I'd seen that somewhere before..."

——
Finally connected with my final of my original six friends today. We spoke for an hour. All good (as expected). He just has been monumentally busy and he has been checking in, we just haven't been able to chat. He did tell me that his teenage daughter now wants to meet me. He lives far away, and while I fell like I've known her since she was born.. and I've spoken to her on the phone, we've never met.

But he said now she wants to meet me. "Why?," I said. "Because now you're cool." He said. "But I'm really not," I said. "Oh, I know that," he said. "And believe me, I tried to tell her that. But she doesn't believe me." 😂

He also said this one — which goes in the book. "Hope it's ok to ask, but you know it's the reporter in me. Now that you're doing this? In terms of what I call you? Can I still call you a F***ing A**h*le?"

"Yup," I said. "Hormones really doesn't impact that at all."

"Just checking."

—-
I have been working on putting the topping on/off by myself the last few days as practice. Rough at first but I'm getting the hang of it. Today I think I nailed the longitude but the latitude was off a bit. But I'll get there. More on all that in the next post when it comes to the topic on which I need some advice...

——

Oh and the last update is just a bit of this week's planning... I think we are going to finalize the final letter/list and tell everyone else that needs telling. Just to get that done.

And then Saturday my wife wants us to go to the mall and shop for new glasses (dressed, obviously). I'm all for it. It'll just be the one store, so... works for me!

[imallie]

And now for the question portion of our show...

Because I'm down to the wood on top of my head (pretty standard MPB), the salon people said I have wonderful hair, but I simply don't have anything in the front on which to attach the topper.

Therefore my topper (currently) has four clips, and in the front I have to put down a small piece of tape. It seems like a PITA to take that on/off on a daily basis... especially because it pulls against what little hair I DO have there.

But the salon people said they know clients who've had good results with Rogaine... and that I should give it a go. Because if I could just get some growth there, it might be enough that when I'm ready to have it beaded in... they could bead it into the front and I wouldn't still have to tape down even the "permanent" version.

The said Rogaine requires application twice per day, and I could grab it from amazon, and why not try it?

So I looked on Amazon and first thing I noticed is there was Rogaine for Men and Rogaine for Women. And each one said NOT for MEN and NOT for WOMEN (but don't say why). And the men's one IS twice a day... the women's isn't... so clearly the salon folks were talking about the men's... very confusing.

The wife and I were a bit concerned that maybe this had some interaction with hormones? So I messaged my endo (wanted to send her my pics anyway) and she said Rogaine has no impact on hormones and either version is ok.. but also, both versions are probably too weak to get much of a result.

So here's the question:

Anyone here have any success with Rogaine?
Which version did you use? Was it one of the "over the counter" ones, or did you get a stronger prescription version (if such a thing exists)?

Are there side effects? I remember hearing facial hair growth in women? I'm spending an hour a week on a table to get rid of that... I don't need to do something at cross purposes with that.

Just curious for any guidance.

Love,
Allie