Jessica's Rose Garden

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: June 02, 2019, 06:41:56 am »
Today is our 35th Wedding Anniversary. There were many times I thought we would never make it this far, times when I was certain our marriage was over. Several moves, a few job changes, two beautiful daughters, some laughter, and many tears. These last two years have probably been the most difficult of all. Although I am in many ways not the same person Susan married all those years ago, she has stayed by my side. Whenever I ask why she has stayed with me all these years, through those dark decades of my growing anger and rage, Susan always says 'because I love you.'

In many ways I am a different person now, and it may take years for us to figure out who this new person really is, but I know that no matter how long it takes, Susan will be by my side. For her to stay after all I have put her through is the best evidence I have that love is the most powerful binding force in the universe.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: June 03, 2019, 08:01:33 pm »
First, thanks to @CynthiaAnn , @Faith , @KathyLauren , @TonyaW , @davina61 , @jkredman , @Donica , and @Kirsteneklund7 for the warm Anniversary wishes!

We started the day with a walk through 'Garden of the Gods' park then visited Bourbon Brothers for some prime rib. After doing a little shopping we went home. Previously Susan had mentioned that there is only one thing she misses. I surprised her Sunday night by using something which closely resembles my previous anatomy. Susan agreed that it was a suitable replacement, and it made her, er, um, 'happy' again. If you want details search for 'feeldoe'. Probably even more interesting is that I bought this item nearly six years ago and it had sat unused, sealed in the original package all this time.

Today I received a letter from my insurance carrier, they have already approved coverage for my GCS Stage II (labiaplasty). The Meltzer Clinic took care of the paperwork without a word from me. I also received an escrow refund check from my previous mortgage holder. Unfortunately, they made it payable to my dead name and Susan. Hopefully this will be the last time I ever have to sign my old name, but I won't hold my breath.

I forgot to mention something interesting that happened last Monday. As I left my electrologist's office I heard a male voice say 'Excuse me miss, could you jump me?' I looked towards the young man and several different thoughts ran through my mind, but then he added 'I have cables.' I quickly surmised he was not into S&M, so I told him that I had a portable jump starter and would be happy to help. After successfully 'jumping' him he said 'thank you miss.' Although I have heard ma'am many times, I think that was the first time anyone ever referred to me as 'miss'.

Kirsten, some of what I post would have embarrassed me a few years ago. Reading posts on Susan's Place is how I discovered the source of my anger, which probably saved my life. There were many times when I thought our marriage was over, and I still find it hard to believe that we made it through the storm. Unfortunately, not many stories have happy endings. I know how lucky I am. I post to show others that there is hope, that it is possible to transition without having your world fall apart. Even if it had fallen apart I would still be alive, living authentically, with a chance to build a new life.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: June 06, 2019, 07:26:13 pm »
I heard from my attorney in Texas today, she is working on getting my new birth certificate. My legal petition was accepted. Now I need to get fingerprint cards and send them to the Texas Department of Public Safety in Austin, TX, along with a copy of the petition. I have an appointment to get fingerprint cards at noon tomorrow. Hopefully the process at the Texas DPS won't take too long.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: June 08, 2019, 07:57:27 pm »

I got my fingerprint cards taken care of on Friday and got them in the mail. The Texas Department of Public Safety should get them on Monday. I have no idea how long it will take them to run the background checks...

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: June 22, 2019, 08:26:57 am »
I took photos at two softball tournaments earlier this month and have been busy reviewing and editing the photos. I realized I am past due for an update...

About a month ago I sent a note to one of the people involved in the National Coming Out Day event my company held last year. I mentioned that I was interested in giving an update on my story at this year's event. She passed my request to the person in charge of planning, I'll call him 'J'. Two weeks ago 'J' contacted me and said he wanted to talk to me about it, so we set up a meeting for Friday (21 June). I'm sure a lot of others want their voices heard, so I expected he wanted to let me down easy. When we talked yesterday, I quickly discovered that wasn't the case.

'J' said he was excited to hear from me. They are in the early stages of planning, but they want me to play a bigger role this year. In addition to providing my update, they may have me introduce some of the stories being told and participate in other aspects of the event. I was also asked to write a newsletter article (due the first week of July) to help build interest. By the time our conversation was over I was wearing a huge smile. A lot can happen between now and October, but I am already excited about it!

Last week I asked my Texas attorney about a possible timeline for getting my new birth certificate. She said I could have a court date as early as mid-July. I told her about my upcoming surgery and she said we could schedule around it. I don't know how long it will take to get the new certificate, but it's possible that I may have a court order for it by the end of August.

I also built a new computer last week, my current one is at least six years old and was overdue for an update. It only took about three hours to put together, and another hour or two for some software. One of these days I will get around to moving my data over...

As for my first round of surgery, there are still some numb areas on both breasts. My right breast has a small numb area just below the nipple while most of the right side of my left breast is still numb, at least the feeling has returned to my left nipple. I can't see the incisions at all, and they look amazing! Down below has also healed up nicely. Although dilation is still not pleasurable, it is not uncomfortable. I am looking forward to have the finishing touches along with a little FFS next month.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: June 24, 2019, 09:15:37 pm »
Thanks @ChrissyRyan !

I received a letter from the Texas DPS. They returned my fingerprint cards with a note stating I need to put my legal name on them!!! The fingerprint folks pre-print the identification information on the cards and you have to show them ID before they take your prints. The cards already have my legal name on them, along with my dead name as an alias! I sent a note to my attorney around 7:00pm, and she responded within 30 minutes! She said she has never had that happen before and wants me to call the Texas DPS and explain things to them. Part of me says that is my attorney's job, but I have the cards in my hands so I guess I'll do it. I do not handle dealing with my dead name very well. I have been Jessica Rose since 5 Feb 2018, and it hurts when people question my legal identity -- it makes me question my own identity and takes me to a dark place where I don't want to be. Two weeks of waiting wasted...

I sent a draft copy of my newsletter article to 'J' late this afternoon. Hopefully I will hear back within the next day or two. The article is about a dark moment in my life, one which only a few people know the whole story. I plan to tell that story in the hopes it will help people understand how deep into darkness a person can go when they have to hide their soul for decades. I will post it here once I polish it up a bit.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: June 25, 2019, 06:48:26 pm »
Thanks for your support @CynthiaAnn and @Faith !!!

I called the Texas DPS this morning, they actually opened at 8:00am CT. The lady I spoke with was very nice. I explained the situation to her, and she said the name on the fingerprint cards had to match the name on the name change petition. Although I changed my name through the courts in Colorado, as far as Texas is concerned the name on my original birth certificate is my legal name. Per the lady's instructions, I used white-out to cover the name entries on the cards and put my current legal name as an alias, and my dead name as my current name. I also had to sign with my dead name. So as @SassyCassie  and @steph2.0 say, I ate some toad. The cards are already on their way back to Texas and should arrive Thursday.

One other little thing, today I made my last payment to the Meltzer Clinic for my upcoming surgery.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Devlyn]

Darn, I could have been reply #666....missed a trick there! 

Hugs, Devlyn

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: June 28, 2019, 06:28:37 pm »
I wore one of my favorite dresses to work today. For some reason my wife doesn't like it...

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: July 01, 2019, 08:00:02 pm »
A few days ago I mentioned that I was asked to write a newsletter article to build interest in my company's next National Coming Out Day event. I submitted the article today. If @Susan_Rose sees this I would suggest she avoid reading it. I posted it as a new topic here: https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,246820.msg2259006.html#msg2259006

I should find out by the end of next week what part they want me to play in the next event.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: July 07, 2019, 07:25:20 am »
Thanks Danielle and Chrissy!

This morning (Sunday), I received an email from my Texas attorney. The results from my fingerprint check have already been submitted to the court. My attorney wanted to know what dates I would be available to appear in court if a personal appearance was necessary! I replied with a few dates that wouldn't work due to my scheduled surgery with Dr. Ley later this month, and added that all I would need is 48hrs notice. This is happening much faster than I thought, but there is still plenty of time for things to go wrong!

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: July 07, 2019, 09:28:53 pm »
Thanks Rachel!

Actually my legal name change was completed in Colorado on 5 Feb last year. The attorney in Texas is helping me with something even more important -- a court order for a new birth certificate with my new name and gender! Texas is one of the more difficult states as far as changing a birth certificate is concerned, but there are a few states where existing laws actually prevent changing the gender on a birth certificate. Getting that little piece of paper will be a cause for celebration at my house.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: July 09, 2019, 07:24:27 pm »
Yesterday was my last pre-op electrolysis session for 'down below'. One of the hairs treated was astoundingly painful, equal to some of the sutures my doctor dug out of my clitoris about two months ago (eeeek!!!). It was not a pleasant experience. I was scheduled to have a facial laser session today, but both the Meltzer Clinic and the laser folks agreed that it was not a good idea with surgery less than three weeks out, so I canceled the appointment.

This weekend Susan and I will be up in Loveland, CO visiting with two lovely ladies -- Tia and Debi. Most of my time will be spent taking photos at the Mountain States Championship Softball tournament, but we are really looking forward to the visit.

I'm still waiting to hear from my Texas attorney about a court date, I expect a note by the end of the week.

I also recently started a new thread for my next round of surgery on 26 July:
https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,246821.msg2259009.html#msg2259009

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: July 15, 2019, 09:00:16 pm »
Susan and I had a great weekend with Debi and Tia. We stayed up until around midnight both Friday and Saturday talking and laughing about our lives. Even though we first met only about 16 months ago it was just like being at home with family, because we are family.

The Mountain States Championship softball tournament was amazing! My team, Thunder, went into the tournament ranked #3. All teams played three games Saturday, and at the end of the day Thunder was one of only two undefeated teams. Sunday we played the other undefeated team and lost 12 - 4. However, this was a double elimination tournament. Thunder won the next game, which left just one other team to beat - the one who beat us in the first game of the day. Near the end of the game Thunder was down by four runs, but fought back to a tie when time expired. Thunder then won 11 - 8 after international tie breaker. Since the other team had been undefeated, we now had to play them again for the championship. In game two Thunder was down 6 - 1 and fought back to a score of 6 - 4. At the top of the final inning with time expired, two outs, bases loaded, a Thunder player hit a grand slam! At the bottom of the inning, they held the other from scoring -- Thunder wins the tournament! Mass quantities of ocular leakage followed -- even I shed a few tears of joy!

Today started off painfully, but ended on a positive note. I had a root canal in the morning, then an electrolysis session in the afternoon. After electrolysis I discovered an email from my Texas attorney -- we have a court date! On 15 August I must appear at a court in Dallas, TX for a hearing about my petition for a new birth certificate. Texas does not make this an easy process, but I really want this!

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Tia, Debi, Susan, and Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: July 16, 2019, 07:57:41 pm »
My attorney is going to ask the judge if I need to appear at the hearing. I told her it is extremely important to me, and I would be fine going down in person even though Dallas is an 11 - 12 hour drive (one way) for me. From what my attorney told me, Texas provides a new birth certificate, not an amended one, and the old one is sealed by the court. Getting a new birth certificate will definitely trigger some emotions. I may not tell my parents though, I am concerned it may somehow upset them. I also don't plan on telling them about any of my surgeries either.

I have two necklaces I consider priceless, the one in this photo and a black glass tile with a polychromatic flower. Both necklaces travel with me whenever I leave town. I usually wear them at least once a week, and on special occasions. They were given to me by my a few of my new sisters at an unforgettable event last August.

The young ladies on the softball team left it all on the field Sunday. They have more heart and soul than any team I have ever worked with. The team is in Florida this week for a National tournament. I really wanted to go, but the tournament does not end until 21 July and I need to be in Scottsdale on the 24th. At least my time in Scottsdale will give me a chance to review the 10,000 photos I took during the tournament.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: July 20, 2019, 07:57:50 am »
A few days ago I was in bed and looked down at my breasts... MY breasts. I touched them, caressed them, held them, and suddenly everything seemed right in my world. I drifted off to sleep as my eyes filled with tears of joy and contentment, knowing that I am now living my impossible dream.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: July 21, 2019, 02:02:07 pm »
Yesterday Susan and I went shopping, among other things Susan was looking for some new bras. We visited several stores without much luck, but while at the local mall I suggested we try Victoria's Secret. Susan found a few to try on, and their 'bra expert' Kelsey enthusiastically helped Susan find the right size. With Susan in the dressing room, I looked around a bit and spotted a bra I fell in love with. Seeing me with a bra in hand, Kelsey came over and asked 'Want to try it on?'. Sure! Kelsey came into my dressing room to check the fit, and quickly suggested several other styles. After trying on about a dozen bras and selecting a few, I decided to show her my 'before' photo -- she was amazed! Then I told her that Susan was my wife, and Kelsey congratulated us for staying together. After we made our purchase, Kelsey hugged both of us! On the way out of the mall, Susan admitted she had a lot of fun trying on bras with me. I guess that is another rite of passage I can check off my list!

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: August 02, 2019, 06:09:29 am »
Susan and I arrived home last night from our most recent trip to Scottsdale. I wasn't sure I could drive the 800 miles home in one day just six days after my surgeries, but the trip went smoothly. I still have a headache, but it's getting better. We got home around 9:00pm last night, and our daughter Kimberly arrived with her boyfriend (Rob) about three hours later. Rob first met me before my transition, and it seems like the only part of our relationship which changed is that instead of handshakes I now get hugs! Susan and I really like him. This is his first visit to our home, and hopefully there will be more in the future.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: August 03, 2019, 01:10:11 pm »
I'm still getting used to my new reflection. It is odd not instantly recognizing the face in the mirror. I posted some 'before and after' photos in my 'GCS II and FFS thread' a few minutes ago.

This afternoon I am going to take some photos at a 'Sweet 16' birthday party. I have known the family for about three years, so they are familiar with my background. None of them have seen me since the last round of surgery.

I have another important date on the horizon, a 'prove up' hearing at the Civil District Court in Dallas, TX on 15 August. I am hoping to leave there with a court order for a name and gender change so I can get a new birth certificate. My attorney will be with me.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: August 05, 2019, 06:09:52 am »

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on August 03, 2019, 02:30:33 pm
@Jessica_Rose
Dear Jessica:

I remember the time that I stepped out of my shower and looked in the mirror and saw a blues eyed blonde in the mirror with no indication that I was anything other than a dripping wet naked female looking back at me.  I will always have that very fond memory forever.

HUGS,
Danielle

If I got out of the shower and saw a blue-eyed blonde, I would instantly know that I was in the wrong house! You are indeed a beautiful woman Danielle.

The photo shoot for the 'Sweet 16' party went well. The parents of the guest of honor rented a stretch limo, so they were the only adults at the photo shoot other than Susan and I. Danielle, the mom, said I looked great. When the guests got out of the limo, one of the young ladies ran over to me. Hannah gave me a big hug and said she was glad I could make it. Today I am going through some photos from the big softball tournament they recently won. I found a photo of Hannah on first base. Wait, what is that on her wrist... a 'trans pride' bracelet! I recognized it because I had given a few to Danielle about six weeks ago. I had to take a break from reviewing the photos, it's hard to see clearly when you're crying...

Love always -- Jessica Rose