Jessica's Rose Garden

[D'Amalie]

I for one appreciated the recap!  Thanks and congratulations!

[Jessica_Rose]

Thanks so much for dropping by my journal, D'Amalie! It's going to take a while to rebuild, but even if it only helps one person, it's worth the effort.

Love always -- Jess

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: March 23, 2021, 03:43:54 am »
Four years. Four years ago today I started HRT, and started an amazing journey. I had no idea how long it would take to transition, and the thought of 'years' of anything was discouraging. It doesn't seem that long now, although it was a lifetime ago. If I had not transitioned, I probably would have taken my own life by now. In a way, that's exactly what I have done. I had to say goodbye to the person I was to allow the person I am to be free. I have a lot of people to thank, too many to list. Some have become part of my extended family, while other were just helpful people passing through my life.

I've learned a lot about myself, yet I still have much to learn. Now that I look at the world through the eyes of a woman, I see so much that used to be invisible to me. I have lost a few people I thought were friends, but they were really just acquaintances. My true friends have stayed by my side, and I have met many new ones. My family adjusted well, and I think my daughters prefer me as I am now. Only one relative has become more distant, most others are now closer than ever.

Today may be the last time I post a 'before and after' comparison. Seeing the cold, dead eyes of the person I used to be is painful. Some people are able to make peace with their past, but my past is filled with a pain that I would rather forget. Having to stay locked up in that dark prison is something I don't like to be reminded of.

Was the four-year rollercoaster ride worth it? Yes, a thousand times, yes. On those rare days when I question my decision, I think about the dark moment when I was a heartbeat away from ending my life, along with the lives of my wife and daughters. I know I made the right choice. Only those who have been there can truly understand the depths of the darkness and pain we endure, and the glorious light we embrace when we discover our truth.

I wish you all the best of everything on your journey through life.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

February 2017 - March 2018 - February 2019 - February 2020 - March 2021

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: March 29, 2021, 07:36:15 pm »
We've been quite busy this last week. During our last meeting with the event coordinator at our wedding venue, she told us that to the best of her knowledge, our wedding will be the first of it's kind at The Pinery. We have also lined up a makeup artist who is enthusiastic about helping us. She told us I will be her very first transgender bride!

Some folks from an online real estate company came by to look at our house last week. They took lots of photos and did a very thorough home inspection. All of them were impressed, and they said our house would sell quickly once we decide to put it on the market. We have a conference call scheduled with them later this week, and they may make us an offer on the house. We aren't ready to sell yet, but we definitely want to hear what they have to say.

Yesterday we went dress shopping with our wedding officiant (Amy) and her daughter. We helped Amy find two beautiful dresses, and we selected the one she will wear at our ceremony. She even bought us lunch at a local restaurant. Amy also arranged for our photographer to take some engagement photos at a local park this next weekend. Now we have to figure out what to wear...

Susan and I got our first COVID-19 vaccinations today. I woke up around 3:00am with a very sore arm! So far that's the only side-effect I've noticed. The second dose is scheduled for April 22nd.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: April 03, 2021, 04:03:03 pm »
Our wedding planner arranged for us to have some engagement photos taken today, and the weather was perfect! Our wedding invitations were delivered while we were out, so now I have more work to do! We did dress up a bit for the photos, and after we got home, I took a few more. I used to be overweight, my hair beginning to thin, my teeth were grey, and my hairline was receding. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever expect to look like this...

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: April 07, 2021, 09:07:45 am »
We delivered our wedding invitations to the Post Office Sunday evening.

Monday we had a Zoom meeting with the online real estate folks, it went well. They loved our house and made a standing offer which was actually quite reasonable, but they suggested that we would be much better off listing it. Apparently, the average time-on-market of homes in our area is four days, and multiple offers are common. Susan and I have stepped up our online search for a new house, and we plan to visit a few of the places we are interested in after our daughter's wedding on May 1st.

Yesterday, Susan and I took our new wedding ring sets to a local jeweler so they can be soldered together, then headed over to David's Bridal for my dress alterations. The dress only needs to have one snap moved a bit to give me more breathing room. They are also going to add a wrist loop so I can pick the train up easily while walking around. They will also fix a loop on the back of the dress which wasn't sewn properly during manufacture. Susan's appointment is this afternoon.

Today a demo crew is scheduled to arrive to remove our old kitchen counters -- pastel pink tile! We are having some granite counters and an undermount sink installed tomorrow. One less thing the eventual new owners will have to deal with...

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: April 23, 2021, 07:43:03 am »
Susan and I got our second COVID-19 vaccination yesterday afternoon. Both of us have sore arms. Susan has not noticed anything else, but I feel somewhat lethargic and tired. Compared to some of the side-effects I've read about, I guess we don't have much to complain about.

Word of warning. Once you complete a legal name change and have your new social security card and drivers license, contact all three credit bureaus and notify them of the change. At a minimum you will need to send a copy of your new drivers license, a copy of the new social security card, and a copy of the court order. Last year I fought with Experian for months before they finally updated my records. Transunion is apparently trans-friendly, they eventually picked up on the change. Equifax on the other hand is quite stubborn. After two frustrating calls where I had to tell them every credit account I've ever had in my life and deadname myself multiple times, they still won't release my credit report. At least they told me the documentation they required and where to send it. I faxed it to them, and mailed a hard-copy. Unfortunately, they can take up to 30 days to update their records. Until then, we can't get pre-approved for a new home loan because Equifax won't release my credit report. We were hoping to look for some houses the first week of May, but due to current market conditions an offer without a pre-approved loan is most often doomed to failure.

Our oldest daughter is getting married on May 1st in Wisconsin. On May 8th, New Mexico Tech is holding a graduation ceremony to make up for the one which was canceled last year, when our youngest daughter graduated. We were planning to look for houses in between those dates, but until Equifax comes through our plans are in limbo. Either way, it's going to be a busy week.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: April 26, 2021, 07:47:21 pm »
I tried calling Equifax three times today, but could never make it through their automated system far enough to speak with an agent. As a last resort, I set up access to Equifax via my deadname. At least now I can see the status of my 'dispute' asking them to update my name. Personally, I would rather have a root canal than try calling them again.

I received some awesome news yesterday. Nearly three years ago I attended Tia and Debi's wedding in Loveland. Several Susan's Place members planned to attend, and one of them (Kendra) rented a house so we could all stay together. Seven of us (Kendra, Sassy Cassie, Steph 2.0, Laurie, Michelle P, Susan_Rose, and Jessica_Rose) spent two nights in that house, and we formed a bond that will last a lifetime. Steph called the house 'Pleaides Place', so we called ourselves the 'Seven Sisters.' Although we are spread across the US from coast to coast, we are family. On June 5th, for the first time since Tia and Debi's wedding, all seven will gather together once again to celebrate Susan and I getting married. It's a gift we will remember for the rest of our lives.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: May 12, 2021, 06:37:30 pm »
It's been a few weeks since my last post, and a lot has happened...

Short version -- we made an offer on a new home, our oldest daughter got married, our youngest daughter officially graduated, our house is for sale, and we have our new wedding license. Not bad for two weeks!

Our daughter's wedding on May 1st in Wisconsin went smoothly. They were originally going to have the ceremony at a state park, but the parks were still closed due to COVID-19. My daughter mentioned this to her manager, and a few hours later she discovered her company would allow her to have the ceremony on their campus! It got quite windy after the ceremony, so we moved the reception into one of the campus buildings. Our oldest daughter is now happily married to a man Susan and I adore.

The next day (Sunday), Susan and I headed down to Little Rock, AR. On Monday we met with a realtor and a loan officer to start the process of buying a new home. We made our initial offer on a home during our daughter's rehearsal dinner the night before her wedding. I am well aware of the anti-trans laws Arkansas has been passing, but Little Rock puts us closer to our daughters, and only about three hours away from many of our relatives. Everyone we met in Arkansas gave us a warm welcome, so I'm hopeful the move will work out well.

Tuesday we drove to my dad's house in Louisiana and spent a few days visiting relatives. Thursday, we headed off towards Socorro, NM. Our youngest daughter graduated from New Mexico Tech last year, but the graduation had been canceled due to COVID-19. The college offered those graduates who missed out on a ceremony last year to join them this year. Saturday morning (8 May) we watched our daughter officially graduate!

Today we had a few more significant events. A 'For Sale' sign is now in our front yard, and we went to the County Clerk and Recorders office to get our new marriage license. I also contacted a national moving company to get an estimate for our move to Arkansas.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: May 15, 2021, 06:58:46 pm »
Yesterday I was informed that our loan application had been approved, and that all we needed was an appraisal, and of course to sell our existing house. Today we received an offer, and we may have a second offer tomorrow morning. Unless something unexpected happens, we will most likely accept a contract on our house Sunday morning.

While we were visiting my dad last week, he asked us to help him find some of mom's jewelry. When my dad was in Vietnam in the mid-1960's, he visited a jeweler in Thailand. He hand-selected several black star sapphires and had them set into a pair of earrings and a necklace. We found the jewelry, and I will be wearing it when Susan and I remarry three weeks from today -- on what would have been my parent's 66th wedding anniversary.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: May 28, 2021, 04:39:31 pm »
Our house is sold, it only took two days to get a full-price offer. The appraisal and inspection went well. Our agent has told us that we have met all of the buyer's conditions, and we are on course to close on 18 June. As far as the home we are buying, everything appears to be on schedule for closing on 30 June.

This weekend will probably be the last softball tournament I photograph in Colorado. I've been taking photos for the local high school team for nine years, and seven years for a club team. I found out that the high school coach has decided not to return for the next school year, and the coach of the club team will not return after this season. Sounds like a good time for all of us to start a new chapter in our lives.

We're finalizing plans for our wedding on 5 June. All of the RSVPs are in, meal choices and seating arrangements are set. We have selected the music our violinist will play, and we have given our photographer a list of photos we would like. Our dresses are back after some minor alterations, and our daughters have made their travel arrangements. It will be a small wedding, only 28 people, but all of them have played a role in our journey. Some of them are travelling thousands of miles to help us celebrate. A few years ago, I didn't have friends like these. I'm glad I will only need to say two words during the ceremony...

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: June 02, 2021, 05:04:36 am »
Today is our 37th Anniversary! This may be the last time we recognize today as an anniversary. We don't have any plans to mark the occasion today, but we do have a little something planned for Saturday...

I contacted our hair stylist, makeup artist, and violinist yesterday -- all of them are on schedule. Our wedding officiant will visit on Friday so we can go over everything. One of our daughters and her husband arrived Monday, the other daughter will arrive Friday evening. The final guest list and their meal choices have been submitted, and the place cards are ready.

Here is one of the pre-wedding photos from our photographer...

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: June 06, 2021, 07:30:04 pm »
I'm not sure when our photos will be ready, but the photographer was very gracious and agreed to send us one today. I have also uploaded the video to Vimeo. The video was a last-minute addition taken by a friend who volunteered, and I think she did a great job for us. The young ladies who walked us down the aisle are our daughters.

If we had done this five years ago, the room would have nearly empty. I'm not even sure if our daughters would have come, and that's a reflection on the person I used to be. All of our guests are people I have met since beginning my journey. They aren't friends, they are family.

Once the ceremony started, everything became a blur. It was over too quickly, but it was indeed an awesome day!!!

Password: susansplace

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: June 19, 2021, 04:03:59 am »
There were several 'graduates' of Susan's Place at our wedding, it was great having the gang together again!

Our new wedding license came back from the Clerk and Recorder's Office on Thursday, so now it's official! If celebrating our wedding wasn't enough for one month, yesterday we finalized the sale of our house in Colorado. Next Friday we are scheduled to close the purchase of our new home. If all goes as planned, we will start moving in July 12th.

I'll be in Denver later today, attending one last softball tournament for 'my' team. For the last seven years I photographed most of their games, but today I will not be taking photos. Today I will watch them play. For the first time ever, I will be a spectator.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: June 27, 2021, 07:50:06 am »
Last Friday we closed the sale of our old house, and the buyers came by for a visit. We had a nice conversation, and they measured every room in the house. Apparently, they are planning some remodeling.

Wednesday afternoon we headed down to Little Rock AR to close on our new home. While on the road Thursday morning, the loan officer called about a new document we had to sign. We found a safe place to stop and were able to sign the document using our phones. The loan officer said we could still close Friday and didn't mention any other concerns.

We arrived at our hotel Thursday evening, and Friday morning went to our new house. Signing was set for 1:00pm. Unfortunately, it never happened. Due to paperwork delays, our closing was pushed out until next week, could we stay until Monday? No, we had commitments in Colorado! Despite promises, our loan officer was unable to close as scheduled. We had to return home without the keys to our new house. While on the road home Friday evening, we were told our loan had been approved and all we needed was to sign the paperwork.

To complicate the process, our real estate agent changed brokers Friday afternoon. The old broker will not allow her to contact her existing clients! The broker assigned a new agent to handle the sale, but we don't want to discuss our situation with yet another stranger. Not only will the loan officer not respond over the weekend, but now we can't even discuss the issue with our real estate agent. We feel abandoned. We are exceptionally unhappy and significantly stressed out over this situation. We have been promised a remote signing Tuesday, but so far they have been unable to fulfill their promises. I really hope they come through this time, because I plan to drive one of our cars down next Saturday and fly back Sunday evening. I already bought the plane ticket.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: June 30, 2021, 06:41:43 pm »
It took longer than it should have, but as of 4:00pm MT today (Denver time zone), Susan and I finally have a new home.

This weekend I will be driving down once again, with a car full of things we don't want the movers to handle. The car will stay in our new garage, and I will fly back to Colorado Springs. The packers are scheduled to arrive next Wednesday, with loading on Friday. We don't have a firm delivery date yet, but Susan, Prince and I will arrive at our new home on Sunday and camp out until our goods arrive. Internet service, and a refrigerator, are supposed to arrive Monday.

In addition to a new house, Susan and I get a fresh start. Hopefully my past will remain in the past, and our future can be whatever we want to make of it.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: July 07, 2021, 05:11:16 am »
My trip down to Arkansas went well. I now have all the keys and garage door openers secured, and I changed the code for the garage door. Our real estate agent gave us a Roomba-style robot vacuum as a house-warming gift!

I had two electrolysis sessions this week, and I've been planning on some return trips for more -- one 3 - 4 hour session per month would probably work. I located one electrologist within an hour's drive of our new house, but so far she hasn't responded to my email.

The fun starts today. The packers won't arrive until around 2:00pm this afternoon, so Susan and I have some time to set aside the things we will want to take with us. Delivery may not occur until a week after loading. We loved this house when we first moved in and it has served us well, but now it is time to go. Only three more nights until we leave...

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: July 08, 2021, 05:03:38 am »
The packers arrived around 12:30 yesterday and made some headway. Today they are bringing reinforcements to make sure it gets finished. Susan and I plan to load up our car this morning. I'll probably box up my computer this evening, and I may let them move it too. We have several houseplants Susan wants to take, so it's going to be a tight fit. I already backed up our photos and important files to an external hard drive (which I took to our new house). The next few days are going to be quite hectic, but soon we will be home.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: July 27, 2021, 02:17:16 pm »
These last few weeks have been challenging...

The movers completed their task late Friday night (9 July). As soon as the movers left, Susan and I began cleaning the house and repairing / repainting a few areas that were damaged during the frenzy. We didn't sleep that night. Around 8:30am Saturday we had a junk hauler visit and haul away old boxes and items the movers wouldn't pack. Later that morning a friend came by and picked up any food we had in our refrigerator. After making sure the house was in good condition and that we weren't leaving anything behind, around 1:00pm we waved goodbye to our old house and hit the road.

After spending the night in Elk City OK, we arrived at our new home around 3:00pm Sunday and set up camp. On Monday (12 July) our internet service was installed, in the afternoon we discovered that our new refrigerator would not arrive until the 27th... of August! I made a trip to our local Home Depot and loaded a 10cu ft refrigerator into our CR-V and took it home. Later that day we received some bad news, one of my aunts has passed away. On Tuesday I went back to work from the only quiet place I could set up my laptop, a closet! Later that week we got a delivery date from our movers -- 21 July.

The movers arrived around 11:00am on July 21st and began unloading. That was a really rough day, and not just because of all the damage they did to the walls in our new house. We also had a few items totally destroyed, damaged, or missing. We still have a lot of boxes to go through, and we're hopeful the missing items will appear.

So far all is well. The few neighbors we have met seem nice, and we have not had any issues with the locals. We are finally sleeping in our own bed again, and loving the huge shower in the master bath! I will be attending my aunt's funeral in San Antonio next week, and the following week I will head back to Colorado Springs to clean out my old desk. I have already set up two appointments with my electrologist for that week, since I have not had time to find one near our new home. We still have a lot of work to do, but we are slowly settling in.

...and yes, today is my birthday. Thanks Danielle and Davina for the warm wishes!

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Jessica_Rose]

« on: August 16, 2021, 08:22:50 am »
On August 2nd I drove to San Antonio for my aunt's funeral, she was my mom's older sister. I talked to a few relatives, and some distant relatives remembered me from my mom's funeral early last year. My dad traveled to the funeral with my brother, but dad didn't want to hang around for the reception and he asked me to drive him home (a 7hr drive). I had been hoping to attend the reception after the funeral, but after talking to relatives for about 20 minutes, we were on the road to my dad's house. We got in around 8:30pm and I spent the night there. The next morning, I hit the road early and got home around 10:00am.

The following weekend I was on the road again, this time to Colorado Springs so I could clean out my old desk. I left home on August 7th and spent the night in Elk City, OK. I arrived in Colorado Springs the next day and met some friends for a late lunch. My friends were parents and coaches involved with a softball team I had taken photos of for the last seven seasons. We stayed in the restaurant nearly three hours talking primarily about softball! I really do miss taking photos at their games...

I was the first person in the office Monday. My desk was exactly as I had left it, including a note I had written on my whiteboard before we were all sent home -- 'I shall return'. I saw five other people that day, but the numbers dwindled as the days passed. On Friday I only saw one other person on my floor. There are normally hundreds of people in the building. While in town I visited Kris (my electrologist) three times. I hadn't seen her in five weeks! After about eight hours of electrolysis and conversation through the week we were all caught up. Finding a good electrologist can be difficult, but I can't visit Kris every week anymore. She volunteered to open her shop on a Saturday for me, so I have planned a quick trip back in late September.

One of the softball moms invited me and a few other friends to dinner Wednesday evening, she even made some fresh chocolate chip cookies! It's always nice spending time with good friends.

Thursday afternoon I visited one of our old neighbors. She had been taking care of some plants for us, along with a few boxes of things the movers wouldn't take. After loading everything up, we talked for an hour or so and shared a fresh peach pie she had baked. We had been neighbors for 15 years, and that was by far the longest conversation we ever had.

On Friday I packed up all the personal items in my desk and started the drive home. It was a bit emotional for me, leaving my office for possibly the last time. After driving through some torrential rain, I spent the night in Elk City once again. I made it home Saturday afternoon, just in time to mow the yard!

Susan and I are still going through boxes and trying to get our home set up. Right now, we are just trying to empty all the boxes and find a furniture configuration that works, eventually we will find the time to rearrange things more appropriately. The day I left for Colorado Springs our wedding photos arrived. Susan and I plan to look through them later this week, and maybe even post a few here...

Love always -- Jessica Rose