Jessica's Rose Garden

[Jessica_Rose]

My dad's house is on a fenced, wooded lot. You can't see the house from the road. He also has a large iron gate on his driveway, which is now kept locked. One of his neighbors is mowing the lawn and checking the mail. My brother and his wife visit the house several times each week to review the mail, just in case a bill shows up.

We plan to visit again in a few weeks. He thinks he'll be home by then, but the odds are not in his favor. We found out yesterday that his PSA is 15, so it is likely that he has prostate cancer as well. He has an appointment with his doctor on 15 April, hopefully we'll get a better idea about what his future holds.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Emma1017]

Jessica, I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. Caring for a loved one is not only painful, it can put a drain on your own soul.  Please take time for yourself and do something special for just you.  It is so important to support your own spirit as you support your Dad.

Thinking of you and your family, warm hug,

Emma

[ChrissyRyan]

Jess,

I am glad that you were able to spend some time with your dad and to help fix up his house, and that you have others that can check up on him, the mail, the yard, etc. 

You are a good daughter.

Hugs,

Christine

[Jessica_Rose]

Thanks Emma and Christine! We are planning to take a break next month, I'll provide more details in a few weeks.

My dad has started eating a little more, but he still doesn't have much of an appetite. His PSA level is 15, so it's likely he also has prostate cancer. They did a mental evaluation, and they said he can't be alone in his house. He isn't very mobile, even with a walker. Susan and I plan to visit again this weekend.

Last year, some friends who live in Oregon sent us a few iris. This year, the iris bloomed! For members who have been here a while, you may remember them -- Michelle and Laurie.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[davina61]

When you see them can you pass on my best wishes, they look lovely. Tulips out in the community garden at my flat, yellow in tubs by the rear seating area and so dark purple they look black ones in the bed by the road.

[Jessica_Rose]

Thanks, Davina! Next time I see them, I'll give them a hug for you. Our tulips were totally uncooperative this year.

I started backing off on my dilation schedule a few years ago. I've gone from almost every night down to twice a week, and so far I have not had any issues. Initially, my life revolved around my dilation schedule, now my dilation schedule revolves around my life.

We're going to visit my dad tomorrow (Friday). A few weeks ago, we discovered my dad had set up a power of attorney naming me as the 'agent'. We also found his will and trust paperwork. I need to order some checks for one of his accounts so we can pay some bills. We found evidence of accounts at several banks, and I plan to visit them all to get a better understanding of his finances. I will discuss everything with my brother before taking any actions.

My dad had an 'incident' at the rehab center today. My sister-in-law was visiting, and my dad became very agitated and was waving his arms around. Somehow he cut one of his arms, then slumped over. My sister-in-law took my dad the the hospital, with him complaining all the way -- he didn't want to go. His blood pressure was down to 56/34. It took them a while to get an IV set up, but they were able to stabilize him. We think the issue was caused by a massive UTI. We have started telling relatives they should visit soon.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[ChrissyRyan]

Sometimes financial institutions will print a few complimentary checks for you at the branch should you need some.  You start these checks at a given check number.
If that small quantity of checks is all you need, this may work for you.

[Northern Star Girl]

@Jessica_Rose
Dear Jessica:
For you, your family and for your Dad....
                 
HUGS, Danielle

[ChrissyRyan]

I wish your dad the best.  You take care Jess.

Christine

[Moonflower]

Jess, I hope that you're considering spending as little energy as possible doing administrative tasks right now so you can be as present as possible with your father right now, making sure that he has access to everything that you know will comfort him.

I wish I could send you all the energy that you want so you can do all that you want to -- and enjoy doing -- for him.

[Jessica_Rose]

One of our daughters drove up from Austin TX to visit her grandpa, and we all stayed in my dad's house. Susan and I were able to finish getting rid of the expired food in the kitchen refrigerator, and we started clearing out the two  refrigerators in the garage. There is also a deep freeze which Susan opened -- she said there were bugs inside! We're not sure if we want to try cleaning that one. We had planned to return home on Sunday, but had to stay an extra day to visit another bank. I also mowed the front yard before we left on Monday, it was looking a bit too shaggy.

My dad seemed to be doing well on Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. This morning he began hallucinating again and trying to get out of bed. He has another infection caused by an antibiotic resistant strain of bacteria, so the doctors are trying several different antibiotics.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Sunrise near my dad's house...

[ChrissyRyan]

Jess,

I hope your dad gets better.

Nice picture!

Christine

[Paulie]

Hi Jessica,

It's amazing what a UTI can do.  My mom wound up in the hospital at the end of January because of one.  She's not walking as well as she was before the infection.  We're not sure if it's due to the infection or just normal aging progression. UTIs are hard to detect in the elderly as they don't always show the same symptoms as others would have.

I hope they find something that works for your father and that there are no lingering effects.

Warm regards and hugs.

Paulie.

[Jessica_Rose]

Thanks Christine and Paulie!

Paulie, I hope your mom gets better. My mom had a bladder infection that defied every attempted cure.

We visited my dad over the weekend. With rain in the forecast, we needed to arive earlier than usual so I could mow my dad's yard. With my manager's approval, we left home around 1:00pm on Friday. We arrived at my dad's house at 4:00pm. Quite a few small limbs had fallen from the trees, Susan helped pick them up as I mowed. My dad normally uses a riding mower, or his Kubota tractor, to mow the more unruly areas under the trees. The riding mower seems to be out of commission, and I've never driven his Kubota, so I did everything with a push mower. It took about 2.5 hours to mow the front yard and a small section of the back yard.

Susan and I also cleared out the kitchen cupboard. On first glance, it appeared to be well-stocked. After we disposed of all the expired products (jello - 2011, tuna fish - 2013, pancake mix - 2000, etc.), there wasn't much left -- several large boxes of 'sweet and lo', several bars of dark chocolate, and about a dozen boxes of cinnamon frosted Pop Tarts. All of the spices, except salt and pepper, expired more than 10 years ago.

We visited my dad Saturday and Sunday. He still recognizes everyone, but his momentary grasps of reality are fleeting. He still thinks he will be going home soon, and he was glad to hear that we've been taking care of the yard. We're trying to keep him happy, but it's difficult to watch someone slowly slipping away.

My dad worked most of his life. He grew up on a farm, worked the fields, hunted for food (he ate a lot of squirrel). Although he eventually had enough resources to enjoy life, he never took advantage of them. Every vacation we took was to visit a relative. Family is important, but those trips always seemed as though they were fulfilling a requirement. We never went to a beach. We never went camping. I don't remember our family ever visiting a national park, or even an amusement park. Not that long ago, my dad voiced regrets about he and mom never taking the time to enjoy what they had worked so hard to build.

Over the last year or two I have been thinking about retirement, but wasn't sure if I had the resources to do so. Seeing how quickly my dad's life changed has made me reevaluate my plans. What he leaves behind, what my dad never had the opportunity to enjoy, will be enough for Susan and I to retire. I may work another year, two at most, but then it will be time to enjoy what we (and my dad) worked so hard to build.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[REM.1126]

My grandfather, father and father-in-law all worked and saved to the end.  They did enjoy some nice things, but particularly my grandfather and father lived on a small fraction of what they earned.  My grandfather never went on a single vacation (was worth millions). My dad went on a few, but was afraid to be away from his business more than 4 days.

Maybe they enjoyed working?  Maybe I tell myself they did because otherwise it is sad.

My father-in-law planned to see the country when he retired, with his wife in an RV.  Then, his health became so bad he had to quit work, and wasn't able to travel. 

My advice is, work some, play some, save a good bit, but spend wisely on yourself and those you love.  Make memories with the people you love. Spend time with them doing stimulating things. And, see what you can of the world.

[imallie]

What a beautiful photo, Jessica.

As far as your dad goes... I'm so sorry to hear all that. Are the doctors indicating this as dementia or some other  degenerative neurological ailment (Alzheimer's for example)?

The reason I ask is, my dad also had dementia at the end... it came on like gangbusters after my mom past. We think she helped hide it /keep it at bay while she was alive, and when she passed it just overwhelmed him.

But obviously me and my sisters became experts really quickly on all that, and something you said really raised all the flags for me - you dad mentioned wanting to go home soon. THAT is a quintessential symptom of dementia. The patients all want to "go home."

And as things progress, if you probe them (gently!) and as where "home" is... you will sometimes hear them tell you it's the home they just lived in, and sometimes it might be the home they were raised in.. time is no longer linear for them.

It is a lot to handle. If you indeed are about to deal with all this, PLEASE feel free to reach out at any point if you just need someone to vent to or if you have any questions or anything.

Love,
Allie

[Jessica_Rose]

Rachel, Susan and I took many vacations with our daughters when we lived in Colorado. We visited quite a few National Parks, including Yellowstone, Arches, Canyonlands, Great Sand Dunes, Bryce Canyon, Capitol Reef, and Zion. We visited some of them multiple times. As our daughters got older, it became more difficult to schedule vacations. Once I began transition, it seemed most of my 'extra' time and money suddenly vanished. Electrolysis and multiple surgeries, most of which I had to pay for myself, devoured our resources at an alarming rate. Our daughters are on their own now, all of my major surgeries are complete, and our finances have recovered. I've also saved enough vacation time that I need to use some occasionally to keep from hitting the maximum allowed. I think I can finally begin to relax a little.

Thanks for the photo compliment, Allie. We're not sure if my dad has developed dementia. His doctor thinks it may be a form of psychosis from being in the hospital for so long. As far as 'going home', I'm afraid to ask for clarification. Asking may trigger an angry response, and my dad is just about the only person I still fear.

We're still researching my dad's finances. I now have access to his accounts at two banks, but we're still waiting on the third. Although we have not found statements from any other banks, we believe he may have accounts at one or two others. We also found an annuity none of us knew about, and documentation for possible accounts at a few other financial institutions. I'm pretty good at digging, and this is literally a treasure hunt.

My dad was moved back to the rehab facility yesterday (Friday). He is on a liquid diet because he is having trouble swallowing. None of his doctors have commented on a long-term prognosis, but we are all doubtful that he will ever go home again.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Northern Star Girl]

@Jessica_Rose
Dear Jessica:
I am very saddened to read about the situation with your dad.

Please know that I am praying for him, for you, and all of the extended family...
...Peace and Comfort to all of you.

Be strong, and if it continues to be within you, be the one that
holds the family all together during these difficult times.

My many HUGS and Prayers....💖💖💖💖💖  Danielle