I wear my heart on my sleeve and it is NOT a weakness...

[Lukas-H]

It's been bothering me lately. I am very in touch with my emotions, I am an INFP for goodness sakes. I wear my heart on my sleeve most of the time. I may not show it in public, but if you are around me you will know when I am upset, angry, or expressing any sort of the more "extreme" or "passionate" emotions.

What I cannot understand, and what angers me to no end, is why people who are in touch with their emotions are touted as weak. I might be angry, I might be sad, I might be some other emotion, but I have yet to find myself in a situation where I lost control of all rational reasoning.

I am sick of having to suffer from being pinned with this stereotype that some people pin on every woman out there. That we are weak because we express our emotions freely and that because men are taught to be quiet and stoic, they are obviously better of making rational decisions. Just because some women are associated with bursting into hysterics over tiny things and upsets does not mean we all are.

[Wing Walker]

Ahhhhh, yes, stereotypes.  Lemme see, that word must mean that regardless of which eye a person uses to see something, they will see it the same way with no possible difference, yes?

Some people are, IMHO, pretty stupid.  I recall an occurrence about 25 years ago when the police chief in Baltimore said that women were "little bits of fluff."  The fluff got really mad and he was ducking for cover.  That was pretty stupid.

Now the way that I see it, as a gender we want it both ways.  There is a time when we break our routine of being the strong members of humanity that we women are and allow a man to do something for us.  Sometimes it makes sense for it to be that way.  Brute force is more the domain of the male than it is of the female.  I might want a fire in the fireplace but I am not about to grab the splitting maul and go outside and split some firewood.  I might carry a few chunks of wood in the house, but the man in the house is there to do the rest.

By the same token, many of us thrive on such work and solving such problems and if a man gets too close to our efforts he might lose an arm for looking down on us.

There are times when it just gets so stupid that I can't believe it.

It was 1970 and feminism was beginning to flow over the entire land.  Women were becoming assertive and getting floppy boobs from burning their brassieres. 

I was walking out of the Port Authority Bus Terminal in New York City.  I turned and saw a woman behind me.  Her hands were full of packages.  I held the door.  She told me that I was a sexist pig and that she could navigate the door on her own (remember, I had a previous life in a different gender).  I left the door go and it knocked her and her packages on her ass when she hit it.

Things have become more sensible since then but the lesson in all of this discourse is that we need to remember that the stereotyping is an equal opportunity destroyer of good sense and good will.  There is a very fine line between wearing one's heart on their sleeve and   going overboard.

May I suggest that, for your own edification, you note your behaviour and how others respond to it?  I believe that if a man went off over every little thing he would lose the respect of those around him because he was out of control.  Sure, letting some feelings out is an acceptable thing but how much is enough?  The people around you will tell you without any words.

The term "hysteria" is in itself a sexist term that has survived since ancient Greece.

Back then physicians thought that a woman became emotional because her womb, the Greek root of which is hyster (OK, so I don't speak Greek) had become dislodged or detached within her thus making her emotionally unstable.  To this day the notion survives.

I hope that I didn't get lost in my own posting.  I have done that before.

Thank you for hearing me out.

Wing Walker
Resident Windbag

[Lukas-H]

Ahhhhh, yes, stereotypes.  Lemme see, that word must mean that regardless of which eye a person uses to see something, they will see it the same way with no possible difference, yes?

Some people are, IMHO, pretty stupid.  I recall an occurrence about 25 years ago when the police chief in Baltimore said that women were "little bits of fluff."  The fluff got really mad and he was ducking for cover.  That was pretty stupid.

Now the way that I see it, as a gender we want it both ways.  There is a time when we break our routine of being the strong members of humanity that we women are and allow a man to do something for us.  Sometimes it makes sense for it to be that way.  Brute force is more the domain of the male than it is of the female.  I might want a fire in the fireplace but I am not about to grab the splitting maul and go outside and split some firewood.  I might carry a few chunks of wood in the house, but the man in the house is there to do the rest.

By the same token, many of us thrive on such work and solving such problems and if a man gets too close to our efforts he might lose an arm for looking down on us.

There are times when it just gets so stupid that I can't believe it.

It was 1970 and feminism was beginning to flow over the entire land.  Women were becoming assertive and getting floppy boobs from burning their brassieres. 

I was walking out of the Port Authority Bus Terminal in New York City.  I turned and saw a woman behind me.  Her hands were full of packages.  I held the door.  She told me that I was a sexist pig and that she could navigate the door on her own (remember, I had a previous life in a different gender).  I left the door go and it knocked her and her packages on her ass when she hit it.

Things have become more sensible since then but the lesson in all of this discourse is that we need to remember that the stereotyping is an equal opportunity destroyer of good sense and good will.  There is a very fine line between wearing one's heart on their sleeve and   going overboard.

May I suggest that, for your own edification, you note your behaviour and how others respond to it?  I believe that if a man went off over every little thing he would lose the respect of those around him because he was out of control.  Sure, letting some feelings out is an acceptable thing but how much is enough?  The people around you will tell you without any words.

The term "hysteria" is in itself a sexist term that has survived since ancient Greece.

Back then physicians thought that a woman became emotional because her womb, the Greek root of which is hyster (OK, so I don't speak Greek) had become dislodged or detached within her thus making her emotionally unstable.  To this day the notion survives.

I hope that I didn't get lost in my own posting.  I have done that before.

Thank you for hearing me out.

Wing Walker
Resident Windbag

Thank you for your reply, I have a few things to say to what you have said.

For one, the woman who called you a sexist pig for opening the door for her was an ignorant woman. I'm not going to go apey if someone opens the door for me, the only thing that has ever bothered me is the ever present and expanding mentality that a lot of men put out that they only need open the door for females. This is not true, and this is what I despise, and this is probably why some women oppose such an act, but once they start making silly assumptions ("You're a sexist pig for doing this!") is when it goes overboard.

It's quite obvious you were being KIND, something that a lot of people do not possess enough of. The message I have been trying to spread for several years now is kindness to ALL regardless of their outward appearance or actions.

As for what you said about were a man to lose control, he would lose respect of his fellow peers; yes he probably would. But it seems to me that people perpetuate that it's completely ok and even expected for a female to lose control of her feelings and go into hysterics because "she's a woman, it's how they ARE". But this, is where people fall utterly short. I would not have respect for anyone, regardless of gender, who lost complete control over small things.

Posted on: December 17, 2007, 06:30:48 PM

it's not so much a weakness as knowing when to really let your guard down. and when not to.

when i go to the ballet, for instance, every part of me is totally tuned to the feelings being expressed by the dancer. if she hits the right note, i will just melt, and have been known to really bawl at a great performance. though it's a little embarrassing, it's exactly the proper time for me totally put my guard down. dance is all about feeling, and if i don't feel it, i'm not getting my money's worth.

but one should not do that all the time, such as at work during a meeting. it would give people the wrong idea about you.

in my more religious days, (years ago) i actually got splashed once with holy water, by the priest. i immediately started bawling uncontrollably, inconsolably. again, it was embarrassing, but also a great feeling of catharsis.

so, become a patron of ballet, modern dance, theater, and, if you're still religious, go to Catholic Church. all excellent ways to get your emotions churned up, and spewed out with great intensity.

I agree. I know plenty of ways to "let out my emotions" if I needed to. I attended a performance once by Eileen Ivers. She performed in Riverdance, if you are unfamiliar with her name. Anyways, her playing was so beautiful and soulful that I cried, quietly, because it was something that touched my heart and soul.

I am not really asking for ways to express my emotions (in the extreme) though, as I know how to do that if I so wish. I was more less expressing my anger at the fact that even if you don't burst into hysterics over something as per the popular stereotype, I have found many people STILL consider this a weakness to be more in touch with your emotions than the average person.

[Wing Walker]

Quoted from Phate's posting:

I was more less expressing my anger at the fact that even if you don't burst into hysterics over something as per the popular stereotype, I have found many people STILL consider this a weakness to be more in touch with your emotions than the average person.


Hello, Phate,

Yes, you are correct in your observation, and IMHO it seems that it's mainly men who think like that.

I allow my emotions to do as they will.  I hid them for too long and believe me when I tell you, they feel like something too strong to keep inside.  Whatever makes them surface, so be it, and pits on whoever doesn't like it.

Please excuse me but I must stop here as I feel a case of the vapors coming on!  LOL@ such stuff!

Always be the best woman that you can, from the inside out.
Wing walker

[Pica Pica]

I have lived with a lot of people who express every emotion as it goes past and it is extremely tiring.

I have often been called a cold fish, emotionless and someone who, 'doesn't care about anyone or anything.' (Which is the single most hurtful thing anyone ever said to me. I am too INFP.) But it's not that I don't feel, I run my life based on the feelings I get. I just think they're my feelings and no business of anyone else's unless I choose it to be.

Your way seems much better, tiring or not, but I could never share it. It may not be a weakness, but it's certainly an inconvenience. Maybe it's because I'm British.

Maybe I should learn off yer.

[Lukas-H]

Pica, I totally get what you are saying. I don't really know what to say to your post, but being reserved in your emotions towards certain situations or people is more of a social survival mechanism and therefore a very legitimate reason to be how you are, in my opinion.

I do agree that expressing every single emotion is tiresome, for both people who have to endure it and for the person expressing these emotions (even if they don't realize it, it can get mentally exhausting).

It is inconvenient sometimes, if perhaps I feel something that I don't think I should be feeling, or the feelings come on me at the wrong time and it makes it harder to function or to continue doing what I was before, etc. But I can confidently say I'm in much better control of my emotions than I used to be.