An introduction and a question

[Themetalsmith]

Hello everyone, im new here, ive known about this forum for years but have never been brave enough or just too lazy/scared to sign up. Im a 35 year old male/(unsure) metalsmith/bladesmith/amatuer machinist. I started therapy/medication for anxiety and depression two years ago after I lost my father to dementia/pulmonary embolisim, my uncle 21 days later and another uncle 24 days later. Through various conversatioms with both my partner amd therapist, the idea ive repressed for 20+ years that i might be transgender has come back to the surface, that it is not just crossdressing or drag, im currently living in a far more open minded and accepting enviroment. However i can not remeber my "epiphany" moment where i realized "this is me, this is what i want" and my therapist suggested i start talking to/ asking about others epiphany moments to maybe help myself figure out mine.

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[V M]

Hi Metalsmith 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

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Hugs

V M

[Susan Baum]

Welcome, Metalsmith - you will quickly find you are among friends.

I had to chuckle at this: However i can not remeber my "epiphany" moment where i realized "this is me, this is what i want" and my therapist suggested i start talking to/ asking about others epiphany moments to maybe help myself figure out mine.

My epiphany was as a pre-teen in the early 1960's. Mom (driving), my younger sister and I were traveling to Denver on the bench seat of a sedan with two of my sister's friends in the back when I realized that I was the only one who was not wearing a skirt or dress - and it felt WRONG! I was suddenly very aware of the changes happening in my body and wanted desperately for it to stop.
My parents' reaction was, at first, this is just a phase then I was sent off to a child psychologist. The dysphoria didn't leave but I was able to pretend to be a typical male for a long time.

Susan

[Jessica]

My epiphany moment was not long ago.  For years I struggled with gender issues. I thought "am I gay"?  But that didn't answer all the questions I had.  My epiphany was realizing that I wasn't gay but that the woman inside me was reaching out.

Good luck, Jessica

[Roll]

Hi metalsmith!

[PollyQMcLovely]

I had two epiphanies one after the other. 
This is kinda embarrassing but after denying my sexual urges for most of my life one day I decided to buy a dress. My expectation was that I would masturbate then be filled with the usual self loathing and immediately after throw the dress out. Previously whenever I masturbated I would force myself to change my role in my fantasy back to that of a man having sex with a woman just before I climaxed. This time however I allowed myself to finish as a woman making love to a man. The difference in the quality of the orgasm was almost comedically profound. That was the first epiphany.
The second was that after I had finished I found that I really liked wearing the dress. I soon found myself spending hours shopping for women's clothes.
I've since come to accept that the reason I've always hated getting erections and abhor my appearance is because I'd be happier living as a woman. It didn't take long for me to start HRT and I'm now very much looking forward to the day when I can get SRS.

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