deciding transition is not right for me

[Michellehewlett]

hey so over the past few days i was in the hospital for an acute kidney injury and
i have realized i think for a lot reasons transitioning for me would be a mistake  i mean if i think about my
future i can see myself as man 5 years from now with a family and i am happy with those thoughts,
i have a kidney diseases as well my nephrologist is supportive of me transitioning but i feel the extra stress from hrt on my kidneys would be to great of a risk for the most part i like my life up to now I've spent time traveling overseas worked in a surf town at a resort on the west coast of canada i spent 3 years working at a ski resort in central BC and done of other amazing things with my life, for lots of people transition seems to work for them for me i thank i might be more of a crossdresser then i am trans i mean I've thought about transition alot i am just feeling its a mistake for me '
i have a letter for hormones from my gender therapist and my GP says i can start whenever i want i just fear i am going down a path where i will regret this alot i find to any dysphoria i have is very mild i think if perhaps if i joined a gym volunteer and form some healthy habits away from all of this it would do wonders for me. i work for an amazing company and have an amazing boss he even came in and visited me while i was in the hospital with a few week card from my department i feel thats another area i am really happy with in my life, i dont know if this is normal or not before people start hrt, when i think about it i am happy with my life as is so maybe reconsidering isn't a bad thing i am able to live my life as male its not something i love or hate its just what i am. if i was a woman maybe i would be happier about how i feel towards my gender but i dont really feel i am one ether at least with how my body is today,,

[KathyLauren]

Transition is not for everyone.  It sounds like you have throught this through and decided that it is not right for you right now.  Maybe it will be right for you later, or maybe it never will.  Only you can decide that.  Whatever you decide is okay.  This process is all about making things right for yourself, whatever that means to you.

Don't hesitate to drop in again if you ever need to talk about it.

[Megan.]

Agree with Kathy, do what you need to do, if/when you need to.
It sounds like your priority is your physical health right now, give that your focus then see where you are. Good luck. X

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

[Anne Blake]

I am another one agreeing with Kathy. The key to all of this is finding a path that can make you happy and it appears that you have some good directions on this. I also believe that if you can find a path that brings you joy in life that does not include transitioning, your life may be a lot simpler. If not, transitioning is something that can be approached at any point in your life. Good luck on your journey and we are always here if you want to touch base or have any future questions.

[kelly_aus]

Like the others, if you don't think transition is for you, don't do it. It really is that simple. There is one thing you said that I feel a need to comment specifically on.

i have a letter for hormones from my gender therapist and my GP says i can start whenever i want i just fear i am going down a path where i will regret this alot i find to any dysphoria i have is very mild i think if perhaps if i joined a gym volunteer and form some healthy habits away from all of this it would do wonders for me.

This could have been me.. Except what I thought was mild dysphoria was far more major than I suspected. Dysphoria can come and go in waves, some stronger than others. I suspect that traditionally male activities may make you feel worse..

[Miss Clara]

Your words tell me that you are not ready to transition now, if ever.  Even cross-dressers experience some gender dysphoria, but not enough to push them to transition.  When cross-dressing, the desire to be as feminine as possible is strong, but it doesn't last.  Your more dominant gender identity retakes control until the next time your inner woman calls.  If you were ready to transition MTF, you would want to live as a woman all the time.  No, don't transition.  You can always revisit your decision later.  You can do a trial period of HRT to see if it helps or not.  You can do a year-long RLE (real life experience) as a woman to confirm your feelings.  Given the tremendous barriers and challenges you will face during transition, you have to be totally sure and committed.

[Michellehewlett]

so i did some deep soul searching and realized i am trans i think a lot of how i was feeling was more internalized transphobia and a lot of fear so over the past two weeks i started hormones with my doctors and therapist approval
i came out fully to my friends and family and they are 100% supportive i came out at work sam thing 100% supportive my boss stayed up till 3am researching everything he could on being transgender all of management is really supportive in my meeting with HR my HR manager even added to the company  policy on discrimination or harassment against some ones gender identity or expression to my company employee guide lines after a few days on hrt i knew it was right for me. my co workers who know have said i am a lot happier and more confident now.. i never thought coming out would go this well the company is also giving me leave with a restart date so i have so time off to allow me to have some time to get used to some of the changes from hormones tomorrow is 2 weeks on hrt and it feels great to finally be out with more support then i could of ever asked for,, if anything i find management respects me more now for having the courage to come out to them.

[Roll]

I'm happy for you!!

[Bari Jo]

Wow, what a rollercoaster.  Your coming outs have been very positive.  I especially love how mgmt now respects you more.  I hope the best for you.  We all have doubts during transition too, so expect a little turbulence along the way.

Bari Jo

[Anne Blake]

I am glad that you have been able to find comfort in you choices after such wrestling. It is an amazing journey you have begun with lots of ups and downs. Be sure to embrace every step and enjoy the ride.

Tia Anne

[warlockmaker]

You can have a great life as a male, its making the bestt of your life situation. I had a wonderful life as a male and as a Eurasian living in Asia with deep family roots here I could not transition until I fufilled all my families duties and responsibility. I have 4 children, a joy I would never sacrifice. So with a bounding positive attitude, treasured all those moments.

Its never to late to transition. So at 67 I had my srs, ffs and ba, without prior RLE., with my family and most of my friends full support. Age is highly respected in Asia and my life experience is wisdom. So do what makes you happy and commit.

[JoanneB]

As Kathy (sort of) said "Transitioning isn't for everyone". Yet you can transition in place. Which you already seem to have started. The heavy lifting is being able to sort out your needs and wants from life and figuring out how to balance them within you... Both of you. Both the male and female aspects of yourself. I define "Transition" same as the dictionary does, to change. I suspect you've changed quite a bit, both inside and perhaps outside, during the fight so far with the Trans-Beast

[KathyLauren]

Hi, Michelle.  I am happy for you that you have started transition after all and that it is going well.  It is a beautiful thing to watch those fears evaporate and to start becoming your true self.