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The sad reality of having to hide from who you are...

Started by Sabrina42, January 16, 2018, 09:42:23 PM

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CarlyMcx

I cried thinking that could have been me, was me, until I gathered up the courage at the age of 53 to talk to my wife and start the process of ending 11 years of massive panic attacks and 50 years of misery.

Sabrina I am going to ask that you do one more thing:  Please share your story with PFLAG. (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). They send gay, lesbian and transgender speakers out to tell their stories to schools and employers in order to preach tolerance.

Your Father in Law's story is very powerful and deserves to be told to the world.
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Katie Jade

Quite a powerful message to others but I am so sorry that her time was never right. I am escaping the vortex at the moment and trying to find a way to talk to my fragile parents  82+ so that they know they always had a daughter as well as their other sons. Your story strikes a chord some how so with your blessing  I would like to share this with my parents in some way - I wont post it on any web sites ever just reference it or logon so they can see it. So sad she never had a chance to be real.
Bless your father in law and you for sharing
Katie

Post Op Sept 2023...... that took a very long time....
  • skype:Katie Jade?call
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Janes Groove

Quote from: Sabrina42 on January 16, 2018, 09:42:23 PM
Maybe the world would have changed around him to allow him at least a few years of being himself.


Oh my gosh.  This WAS my life until only about a couple of years ago.  I too always thought that I would take this shameful secret to the grave with me.  I too tried to drown myself in alcohol and it nearly killed me when I was 26.  But at the age of 57 i realized that the world DID change around me and allow me at least of few years of happiness and of being myself and I am grateful every day to be alive and actually living my life as a woman.  It is a joy that is so hard for many to understand.  Each and every day I discover new textures of experiencing my true life, living and working wholly in the social role of a woman.  The woman I was born in this life to be. Always.

Quote from: Sabrina42 on January 16, 2018, 09:42:23 PM
Shame on the world for doing that to him.

Thank you for this very keen observation.  It actually reinforces and highlights one of the biggest issues I am dealing with right now.  The anger I have for the people in my life,  specifically my own parents, who created a hostile, transphobic space in which I came to knowledge of myself.  I love my parents so much, tho my father is gone and my mother is extremely advance Alzheimer's.   But what should be only fond memories of my dearest loved ones is colored by anger and resentment of their hatred for gender nonconformers such as myself.

This is what I love about this forum.  That it creates a safe space to explore gender for individuals like me and your father in law and countless others.  A refuge. A sanctuary.  In a world that is still in many ways hateful to us tho improving vastly by leaps and bounds every day as we all move forward together.  It's NEVER TOO LATE TO BE ONE'S TRUE SELF.

Thank you so much for this post.
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Ella~

I've been a member of this forum for a decade, and this might be the first time I have seen a post written from your kind of perspective. It may also be one of the most heartfelt and poignant posts I've seen in all these years. The words you've written not only honor your father-in-law, I also suspect they've already moved a lot of people who've read them to ponder their own situation in a new light. It wouldn't surprise me if they will save at least one person from the same fate as you hope.

For myself, I'm grateful that you shared your story. Until just a handful of months ago I was probably on the same track as your father-in-law. Luckily for me the universe stepped in - like it sometimes does - and forced me into the light. Said more bluntly, my wife found out about my crossdressing and I took that opportunity to finally come out to her after many, many years of hiding.

I think my loneliness and pain had led to my being a grumpy and mean person, but once my wife found out my secret all of that melted away and that has drawn us closer together. Words can't convey how much it means to me that I now have someone close to me that I love who is by my side as I try to find ways to get to a happier and more honest place.

Given some more time, I'm sure you would have been the same kind of gift to your father-in-law as my wife has been to me. I'm sorry that you weren't given more time with him. But instead of giving the gift directly to him, you've kind of given it all of us who read your post in his honor. So thank you for that.

Your post would be a good one to make sticky so that more people will have a chance to read it as time goes on.

P.S. My wife has an SO account here and I'm guessing she'll read this. Since it's my first post since coming out 6 or 7 months ago so I'll say hi to her - Hi!
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