“Abstinence” during transition

[November Fox]

When I started transitioning, I decided not to date anyone, for the time being. This was 2014-2015. I did not see myself as being able to hold down a physical relationship because of my dysphoria.

I started T in 2016 and just had top surgery a little over a week ago. I plan on getting a hysto by the end of this year.

When I started I did not expect transition to take this long. I thought four years tops (so innocent... ). I now see that the process will probably take more time, considering the breather I need after surgery.

The above considered I have now been solo since 2014 and to be honest, I don't think I would have had the energy to be with anybody, even if I'd had lesser dysphoria.

Anyone in the same boat? Mtf/NB welcome to join in.

[Devlyn]

I lived alone with extremely sporadic (think years apart) hookups. When I began this journey I gave up any idea of being with another person. Yet as I emerged in my true form I feel attractive for the first time in my life, and  I  want to experience love.

Bottom line, our needs can change. 

Hugs, Devlyn

[Lady Lisandra]

At first I thought that I wouldn't even date anyone until after I had finished my transition, but I found a person that accepted me even at that state and helped me during my transition. I couldn't help starting a relationship with her. Perhaps life surprises you as well.

[Alexthecat]

Always looking, never finding.

[Roll]

I was abstinent already due to major anxiety issues that I believe were in large part because of dysphoria. Couldn't be in a relationship or even hook up with anyone if didn't leave the house. So for me, abstinent while transitioning is just same old, same old, and I'll cross the relationship/sex bridge when I come to it.

[Megan.]

As my transition resulted in the end of my marriage, I found myself defacto alone.

My marriage in my early thirties was my first relationship, but it showed me that a partnership was something I wanted.

The transition period has been a long one for me, and I always worked on the assumption that I would need to get myself happy and stable before I was ready to form another relationship.

I'm in that place now,  bring it on [emoji4]

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

[Kylo]

Although I don't have to be, I've been pretty much abstinent for the last 3 years. I'm not sure why exactly. It just seems like it causes more confusion at this stage within my relationship. I'm not even sure what my relationship is atm, and the whole debate about transition while living with a straight man you are/were involved with is exhausting to say the least.

I just can't be bothered with worrying about it for now.

[SeptagonScars]

I've been in that situation for some of my transition, but most of the time it's been the exact opposite. I've struggled a lot between severe dysphoria and having a high sex drive/wanting lots of sex. It's a very unkind combination, to make an understatement. So I've been shifting between the two extremes of total abstinence and sleeping around a lot, as well as a few long term relationships.

I came out as trans in 2009, and time period 2006-2013 I was pretty wild, despite my dysphoria. I somewhat managed, somewhat I just kept going anyway. Then my dysphoria got a lot lot worse and I went in celibacy because of it until 2016. By that time I was passing on T and had top surgery, but my lower parts and wide hips made me very uncomfortable about being with someone else, however I was at that point unsure of if I really wanted bottom surgery or if I could manage without somehow. But then 2016 I just happened to find another sweet trans guy on tumblr and we got into a relationship eventually. It helped that he was also trans and we had the same struggle, and somehow that helped me be fine with being intimate and sexual again, with him, even though the relationship didn't work out in the long run. After the break-up I've been kind of on and off back to the casual variety. I keep struggling cause I want it and like it while also not being able to manage it due to my dysphoria as my lower parts keep bothering me constantly. Although I have now (since a year ago) been sure I want bottom surgery and working towards getting it, which has given me confidence/hope about the future, but not more than that really, as there's still a lot of waiting.

Now I try my best to just hold on for my SRS and try to not get too freaky again before it out of desperation, but it's a slippery slope I'm well familiar with. Unfortunately any "happy medium" doesn't really exist in my life, no matter what it's about, it's always just either or with me. I also know that part of why I am like this is due to trauma I've been through in my childhood and teens, so it's not just my dysphoria, but it still is a big factor. But at least I'm quite certain I wouldn't go for a complete stranger again in any near future/before my SRS though, but in that case a good friend I've been with before and know I can trust. So maybe that would be a bit of a happy medium though. I'm not sure. Sorry for rambling. It's been really frustrating for me.

[November Fox]

Thanks for the replies.

I get the frustration. Just deciding you're going to be alone and being alone are two different things. It's not like I'm always satisfied being alone - sometimes I am - but the need for something else has never driven me to do anything.

If a really cool person comes along that one feels comfortable with, I get abandoning the whole abstinence thing. I ran into one person like that, but she was already in a relationship (and decided not to leave it). Fun 

Being a loner and being stubborn is part of my nature even outside of transition so that doesn't help. I'm glad I'm not the only one.

[meatwagon]

the thought of someone being attracted to me as a woman is utterly repulsive, so my sex life will have to remain non-existent until I can be sure any potential partner I have sees me as a man without having to be told to do so/change their perception.

[natalie.ashlyne]

Well a few years ago I told myself not to date anyone till I can find myself and clean up my act I was a "player" basically. So I have done both I have one person that has helped me and has my heart but she does not see us being together in the future and I understand that. Now since I am being more my true self I now am not attracted to females any more I am more attracted to males and for the first time ever 2 weeks ago I went on my first date with a guy and loved it. I am still scared to date as I feel I don't look good enough or pass enough. But I am so lonely and want to love and be loved that I am now ok with dating as long as no one night stands or cheating or being a slut like I have been in my passed I want to start over the right way as for me having sex with someone can change everything and I want my feeling for the person to be true and not influenced by lust

[Charlie Nicki]

I'm on the same boat. My last relationship ended 6 months ago and I haven't had sex with anyone, I don't plan to either. I could if I wanted to, but I don't feel attractive right now, my body is in the weird in between stage and I feel it's another awkward puberty. While I would love it if by any chance I found someone who liked me this way and liked me after transition, I don't count on it and I'm not looking either.