Reading anti-trans stuff, to convince myself not to transition. Going crazy!?

[Tessa James]

Please consider all the negative, outrageous and demeaning stuff we can read and view about being a person who identifies as transgender.  Consider the extreme levels of discrimination, hatred and violence we face.  We all know about this horrid stuff and it can lead to further isolation, self loathing, dysphoria and internalized transphobia.  It can make us feel sick or yes "crazy"!

Then consider that if we do indeed know about this situation where we are so marginalized, why would anyone choose this life?  My answer is that we clearly do not.  Like many here I denied and repressed the truth of being transgender while the persistence of my true gender identity is life long.  I could live in hiding and shame or come out into the sunlight.  Lady Gaga and modern science have it right, we are born this way.  How we handle this is up to each individual.  Enjoy the light and welcome your personal truth while you shine on.

[JumpingPancakeFrog]

I got the same issues. One naturally others reads the negative views while gathering all the information. And yeah, soe of this anti-trans stuff really doesn't sound that far fetched. BUT, only because something sounds legit, doesn't mean it is legit. Just look at science for example. All the time theories that sounded legit get figured out to be futile and replaced by new discoveries. And wth difficult stuff like Trans*, this game could go on forever. Only thing that helps in my opinionhis to examine one's own feeling with brutal honesty. And if you then come to the conclusion thst transitioninh is right for, then it's what YOU gotta do, no matter how many anti-arguments might possibly correct for SOMEONEONE ELSE. If you're not sure, you can put it on hold, it won't get out of reach when your true gender identity will might remind you of YOURSELF.

[KarlMars]

The conservative media and their wacky conspiracy theories have nothing to do with your personal truth, the way you feel, and what you want. I have read all those theories too just for a challenge. Some of them made me laugh and feel sorry for the person that believes them.

[rmaddy]

I'm having major issues with my feelings of wanting to transition. 
And Im fluctuating between excitement, and extreme depression.

I really, really want to do it, and I know its right for me, since I've had these feelings forever.

But.....

I forced myself to just google all the most anti-trans stuff I can find, so that I can force myself to see things from  another perspective and see what 'others' might see when it comes to this topic.

Things like ultra-conservative blogs, religous sites, etc.  Then I went down the whole 'Illuminati Transgender Agenda' rabbit hole.  And I find myself agreeing with some of it!?

Of course you agree with some of it.  This is as good an example of specious (i.e. superficially plausible, but actually wrong) propaganda as I have encountered.  Lies are more pernicious when (loosely) attached to truths.

I too have read the "transgender regret" propaganda, but I am certainly glad that it wasn't the first thing I encountered, and that I had learned a bit about the tactics of religious zealots before I encountered it.  (Disclosure:  I have previously blogged at length on this topic here:  http://www.renaemadisongage.com/2015/12/regret/)

I don't recommend that you go back to that inflammatory material, but if you did, you would find it to be thoroughly linked to and intertwined with other fundamentalist pages, principally associated with American Evangelicalism).  Nevertheless, set that aside for a moment.  Focus rather, on your own situation:

1.  You have doubts.

Good.  Doubts aren't nearly so dangerous as certainties.  Write them down and give them your full attention when you have the mental/emotional energy to devote to the task.

2.  You wonder if you should transition.

Again, good.  As much as we all chafe under the gatekeeper system, the medical interventions available to us are simply too invasive to undertake impulsively.  The WPATH standards are written to encourage stepwise exploration of gender transition while connected to supportive resources.  The less invasive the intervention, the lower the bar for executing it.  It is possible to find providers and patients who advocate for shortcuts, but the standards are the best that we have at the moment, and are subject to period revision by professionals who thoroughly desire that we have good outcomes.  We can and should push back and/or seek other opinions if we believe that the system is broken, but all too often those making the assertion that it is broken are the same people seeking to do away with it altogether.  Their motives are good, but their ideas are not supported by evidence or subject to review.

Remember that only a small percentage of transgender people transition in the sense of completing GCS.  We do not yet know if this is predominantly a reflection of financial barriers and access, but great strides are being made toward lowering such barriers.  It is easier to transition now than it has ever been.  Though we can and should look with a jaded eye at right wing movements seeking to make things harder, right now, in 2018, the courts are still mostly on our side.  I get the impulse to hurry, but try not to.  You have the time to figure this out, and figuring this out is thought to be the best predictor of a good outcome.

In the Hitchhiker's Guide series, Arthur Dent at one point, thinking himself alone, looked at his life and said, "I think I shall go mad."  Immediately his friend appeared and endorsed the idea because going mad in the very beginning is a great time saver.  In that light, go batcrap crazy, and get it all sorted. 

Welcome to Susan's.

[Janes Groove]

Here's my prescription:

Get yourself to a real life transgender support group and start to get to know your community.
These kind of conspiracy theory proponents all have their own agenda and they prey on people who are isolated and have no support group.  You'll soon find that we are normal folks like everybody else and the fears you build up living in your own personal fish tank get blown away pretty fast in the face of real life experience.

Go beyond the internet to the very much deeper pool of real life human experience.  Reach out with your senses.  Feel with your feelings.  And let your gut give you the answers you seek.

Happy travels.  And welcome to Susans.

Also, this happens a lot nowadays. 

Discredit thru conspiracy:
1. Create the conspiracy.
2. Look for evidence to support the conspiracy.
3. Ignore evidence that disputes the conspiracy.

It's classic disinformation agitprop.

[DawnOday]

I've heard and read anti-trans stuff for all my life. To the point it affected my decision to come out as far back as 1984. Instead of admitting to my Therapist my concerns I placed the blame for my visit on depression. There I learned a lot about breathing and meditation but nothing to do with my real questions. Then I saw Jazz Jennings and I thought if this young lady can do it, so can this old geezer.

[sneakersjay]

Late to the party but I hear you.

I was lucky to transition in a relative bubble free from many naysayers. Family, friends, job all supportive. Only once in nearly 10 years (until this past fall) did I encounter discrimination and negativity.  As I said, lucky.

Unfortunately that crap hit the fan when my doctor was fired.  I had just been seen and was unaware. I was made aware when my prescription for Testosterone ran out and none of the other doctors "were comfortable" prescribing it. Appointments to talk to them were cancelled and not rescheduled.  Receptionists were trying to be helpful but I doubt they knew the real reason I was getting the run around. Finally one of the doctors there filled it and said I had 3 months to find a new doctor.

Then, I discovered a long-time friend and mentor went off on a public facebook transphobic tirade aimed at trans kids (insert all of the negative right wing anti-trans propaganda here). No reasoning with her. It was nasty.  She is now an ex friend.

So thanks to that I've read quite a bit of the stuff you (the OP) have been reading. It's nasty.

I will say:

1) It's great that you have questions.  Ask lots of questions!  You need to live YOUR life, whatever that is. 

2) Are you trans?  That's a question only YOU can answer, and sometimes you need the help of a good therapist to sort that out.  Not a therapist that will just be a yes man, but one that will help you explore things on a deeper level.  Do you have any other mental health issues?  Always worth exploring.

3) Is transition right for YOU?  That's for you and you alone to determine.  Don't transition because your friends did, or we did, or your therapist thinks you should.  You need to make that decision for yourself, because you feel that it is the best thing for YOU.

4) If you think transition is right for you, take baby steps if you need to.  Clothing, hair, mannerisms, name, pronouns, all easily reversible if you find it doesn't fit.  Hormones, again, baby steps and see how you feel.  Everyone's path is different, even though we share a lot in common.

5) If transition is right for you, then you need to do what YOU need to do.  Not what your Mom wants you to do, or your Pastor wants you to do, or sadly, even what your SO or spouse wants you to do. Be true to yourself.

6) There is discrimination. There will be heartache. Hearing and reading about transphobia is a huge downer, and many of us are feeling the effects of the negativity with the current state of the country. Exposure has been great; but now that people know we exist they're quite happy to try to tear us down. It's not a path for the faint of heart.

7) Please stop listening to the naysayers.  Sure, find out about all of the side effects of hormones and surgery before undergoing treatment.  Know the negatives. Only transition when the positives outweigh the negatives, or it's transition or die.  I risked everything, as we all do, but I was lucky.  Many people lose everything.  And that's a hard thing.

Good luck in what you decide.  Take what you've learned but go read positive sites.  Not necessarily trans sites.  This is something I came across a few days ago.  She's not trans, but what she said resonates with me.

https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=209646756259919&id=191780878046507

[Gertrude]

Brene brown rocks. I am reading the gifts of imperfection.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

[Northern Star Girl]

@kayla1618:  Transitioning, starting HRT, body and emotional changes, breast growth, presenting as a woman, full-time/part-time... etc, etc.   These are all very personal decisions that will affect the rest of one's life... all of this should be considered carefully... this is why there are treatment barriers such a psychiatric evaluations and physical exams before legitimate HRT can be started.
Whatever decision is ultimately made be sure all the facts and possible outcomes are discussed with the doctors.