Trigger Warning: rape (?)

[felixthecat]

Hi I'm new here and wasn't sure where to post this...
I'm ftm and I was speaking about the metoo hashtag, and mentioned my own story which I'd always just assumed were sexual harassment. We don't get educated on this stuff!
I'm with an amazing guy now - newly engaged with a daughter (I carried her), and when I mentioned to my friends what had happened, they all collectively gasped and their mouths fell open.
My best friend started crying, and all of them gently told me that my experiences were rape.
This will sound stupid but I wasn't aware that it was that!
Of course, these experiences did leave me kinda nervous and hesitant to have sex, but I just assumed that was normal?

Context:
The first incident was when I was in tenth grade. I didn't want to actually do it, but the guy kept pestering me. Then he pestered me more to do anal, which I didn't want to try at the time. So I tried to leave, but he forced it in anyway. I did finally manage to get free.

The second (2 years later), literally called me a "c** dump" which was repulsive anyway, but I remember a couple occasions where I'd be like "I'm not in the mood." So he'd call me frigid b***h, guilt me into giving in, and then being rough to the point I'd bleed as like a 'punishment' almost?

I just didn't think it was rape...I haven't been very well educated on it I guess, and clearly neither have they! I just assumed it was these guys being pushy a-holes!??
Hearing it was rape from multiple people (including someone who I know has been through it herself) has made me realize that maybe it was?
I'm not sure?
I feel like I've been punched in the stomach, my head is all over the place.
I'm not sure what to think.
The legal age where I am is 16, and I was 16+ on both occasions but I'm not entirely sure I consented tbh?

Please can anyone tell me if they think it's rape or not?
It would explain a lot tbh...I'm very nervous and unwilling to try things, even though my fiancé is very patient and loving.
Sorry, I just really don't know?

[felixthecat]

The thing is, in the second instance, I didn't want to do it in the first place and I remember only 'giving in' because he started calling me names.
I yelled at him saying "you won't f***ing stop hassling me until you get your way, will you?!" And he laughed and took that as his cue to do it.
The one before him did force it on me though. There was literally NO consent to do what he did. I did say I tried to leave the situation but he forced it anyway.

Woah I'm not trying to get someone back for breaking up though??? I wouldn't do that so I'm not sure why that was brought up?
I'm no liar and I'm definitely not vengeful :/ I just need to be clear.
And boyfriend at the time or not, no means no. I know that much

[Gertrude]

I don't know where these guys come from. I really don't.


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[felixthecat]

I don't know where these guys come from. I really don't.


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Sorry I don't know what you mean by that?
Their actual location or more like 'where do they get off'?

[Cindy]

Dear Felix,

When anyone forces a sex act upon you against your consent it is sexual assault/rape.

This can and is an extremely difficult situation to deal with and I can appreciate how difficult it is for you.

I suggest that professional counselling is needed and maybe a local rape crisis centre can put you in contact with someone who can help.

You are the victim here. You were the one who was forced and although many of us blame ourselves at such times, it is not your fault.

[Laurie]

  Hi  felixthecat,

  I'm Laurie, I am sorry that you were made to go through those things. By the way you describe it, I would think they would qualify as rape but then I'm not a lawyer. The second occasion may be difficult to convince some that it was w/o consent but I would tend to agree with you  personally. Such behavior is never welcome unless it is playing out some fantasy. I see that you are new here.
  Please let me say, Welcome To Susan's Place! Come on in and take a good look around.  Perhaps I can even get you to hop on over to the Introductions Thread and  create a post to tell us a little bit more about yourself so we can get to know you a little better and greet you properly. I'll add some links and information below that can help you get more out of our site. Please take time to become familiar with them especially the RED one as we are always getting questions that are answered there.
 
Laurie
Global Moderator
Laurie@susans.org

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[SashaHyde]

HI Hon,
Listen if you read up an me I'm new and I've only recently figured out I'm MTF. I'm still learning the ins and outs of this web site

That being said. Anytime coercion is used in a way that you didn't want something to happen its rape. Fortunately we are in modern time, we are figuring out that rape does not just have to be physically violent. It can be emotionally violent as well.
You do not own anything to anyone. Those two people took advantage of your good nature, they preyed upon your desire for them to like you. It sounds awful non-consensual from what I read. Non consent IS rape.

I would go see someone and talk about it.

--Sasha

[Laurie]

HI Hon,
Listen if you read up an me I'm new and I've only recently figured out I'm MTF. I'm still learning the ins and outs of this web site

That being said. Anytime coercion is used in a way that you didn't want something to happen its rape. Fortunately we are in modern time, we are figuring out that rape does not just have to be physically violent. It can be emotionally violent as well.
You do not own anything to anyone. Those two people took advantage of your good nature, they preyed upon your desire for them to like you. It sounds awful non-consensual from what I read. Non consent IS rape.

I would go see someone and talk about it.

--Sasha

  Hi  Sasha,

  I'm Laurie, I see that you are new here. So please let me say, Welcome To Susan's Place! Come on in and take a good look around.   I'll add some links and information below that can help you get more out of our site. Please take time to become familiar with them especially the RED one as we are always getting questions that are answered there.
 
Laurie
Global Moderator
Laurie@susans.org

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)	Cautionary Note
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy	Membership Agreement

[Gertrude]

Sorry I don't know what you mean by that?
Their actual location or more like 'where do they get off'?

Rhetorical in a sense, but how they came to be. Their behavior is anathema to me. My dad wasn't like that at all.


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[Roll]

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. It is truly sad that people who would do such things are so disturbingly common place.

I'd have to agree, both cases are 100% rape. In the first case, if at any point you do not consent to a specific form of contact or further contact period and your sexual partner continues, it is rape, and not even the biggest scumbag out there would try to argue that wasn't rape. The second case is considered sexual coercion, which is also a form of rape. It's a slightly more grey area legally in general in what does and does not constitute coercion, but I think most people would say the behavior you encountered would be considered a clear cut example of extraordinarily abusive sexual coercion.