Dryness and dating

[Serenade]

First of all, hi ^^ I'm a little lost on Internet forums, so please excuse me if I make a mistake... I was lucky to stumble onto this place while searching for information earlier, and very happy to find it!

I'm in my early 30s and transitioned several years ago, went through GRS... been very happy except for one issue that's been getting worse over the years: I tend to get really dry, especially on the vulva but vaginally as well, to the extent that lubrification isn't really working. It's been getting very  awkward when it comes to dating people and sex gets involved and I feel like a freak now, so of course I can't relax, let alone enjoy anything at all... and it's been causing tension in relationships as well, or frustration at the very least, as you can imagine!

As I said, most lubricants aren't really cutting it (or saliva), especially on the vulva, and I've been to doctors and gyns and tried several different things, but it's looking pretty hopeless. I couldn't find much on the Internet either (other than for the menopause, of course), and it's getting a little depressing now. I'd love to hear any new idea or if you have luck trying anything in particular, really Thank you in advance, and I will try to contribute what I can on this forum!

[ToriJo]

There's basically two different kinds of lubricants - water based and oil based.  The water based ones clean up easier, but also seem to dry out much sooner.  You might look into the oil-based ones if you haven't already tried that.  There are plenty of other women who use lubricants (hence things like the "his" and "hers" KY sells), so it's not particularly weird or unusual.  And a guy will enjoy any attention you give him down there, including with lube. 

[ChaoticTribe]

Silicone lubricants are really nice, though you actually have to rinse well and wipe with a towel if you use enough to get it on the outside of your body, because those lubes work so well that they don't really come off on their own. I like them though.

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi Serenade,

Congratulations on your great moment, albeit some years ago.

Have either your Doctor or Gyno thought much about localised Estrogen therapy?  I have heard it recommended for post menopausal women who are experiencing dryness.

Huggs
Catherine

[Renee]

I have found that regular use of coconut oil is good but it does smell like coconuts.  Chill some in the refrig and break off a piece.  You know where to put it.    My GF say that she gets horny when she smells maroons now    Also, our favorite lube is called... Silk  It's the best!

[Serenade]

Thanks everyone for your answers I have started to use silicone lubes but I'm not that impressed with the one I have yet, but I'll try new ones. I was on topical estrogen but it wasn't doing much at all on the vulva/vestibule (inside is fine, naturally).

It helps a little, but I still feel very self-conscious and "alien" or different, like a virgin forever. Not to mention the old prostate still misfiring sometimes... I'm not sure how common it is, but it's pretty awkward! Oh well, I guess there are worse problems I could have and I should count my blessings

[vixk]

Have you thought that it could be psychological? Maybe you're on some kind of downward spiral

"oh, I don't perform, so I'm worried and because I'm worried I'll have difficulty performing"

Have you tried relaxation techniques? Anti-stress? I know you said it was done some time ago, but have you really taken some time to get to know your body and how it reacts in a calm environment?

Simple suggestions that may be taken as ignorance but, sometimes a reminder doesn't hurt. I mean it in the most positive way.

[Kathryn Martin]

Hands down Slique.  It keeps lubricated for hours even after.

[O_O]

Hi Serenade,

Congratulations on your great moment, albeit some years ago.

Have either your Doctor or Gyno thought much about localised Estrogen therapy?  I have heard it recommended for post menopausal women who are experiencing dryness.

Huggs
Catherine

^ This is good advice and has worked for me.

[jade]

The use of estrogen based creams works well.

[Northern Jane]

I am 39 years post-op and dryness became a problem over the years and I was having frequent yeast infections. By coincidence I found that including progesterone in my HRT got rid of the dryness and no more yeast infections!

[boddi]

The use of estrogen based creams works well.

Hi Jade, thanks for this.  Can you tell us though, is this based on personal experience? I have heard good things about such crèmes, too, but then some people say it wouldn't work for us. 

[JessicaH]

I'm not post-op but I can attest to the fact that coconut oil is an incredible moisturizer and very healthy for the skin. It will turn to a solid at around 68-70 degrees but turns to oil easily when warmed just a bit. I buy organic food grade oil at Costco for about $15 for a good size container. It also makes a good for many other things.

http://wellnessmama.com/5734/101-uses-for-coconut-oil/

Also, Google "coconut oil vaginal dryness"

Hope it get's better for you!

[ToriJo]

Two notes - I just saw the comments about estrogen creams.

First, estrogen creams are bad for the guy.  Don't do that if you are having sex with a guy who doesn't want more estrogen!

Second, probably should be mentioned, any oil-based lube (including natural oils) will potentially damage a condom. You'll want a water-based lube if condom compatibility is important.

[ToriJo]

I should give a link to the scientific study regarding the estrogen cream: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18251358

[JessicaH]

Coconut oil absorbs really fast so it can be used on a daily basis and maybe use something else if using condoms but many people report not having issues with condoms and latex. You can always try the oil with a condom and dialator first. Many women who have a history of yeast infections claim that it has stopped them since it has strong anti-fungal properties.

[boddi]

Jessica, if I were to try the oil with dilator and condom, is there any chance of the condom getting stuck inside?   Also does anyone know about Replens?  Or Vitamin E Suppositories?  I want to try one for lubrication but am scared it'd not dissolve as we don't have the same receptors as GGs.

[Meshi]

Some post ops have naturally small pelvic areas.  Also the amount of tissue that there was initially.  Some girls have to dilate even aft yrs of being post op on a daily basis.  Everyone's body is different.  I think the silicone based can be very good before sex, because in my opinion the base will last longer inside the neo vagina, as water based can dissipate.  thing is to dilate before being intimate.  there is nothing wrong or feeling inadequate in having to do that and is quite common.   Your partner should be understanding with this i would think

[jade]

Apologies about any confusion regarding the estrogen cream comment.

Firstly, yes, all my comments are based on personal experience.

Secondly, what i mean is, I use estrogen cream (when i remember) to hydrate my vagina.

However, I do not use it as lube before or during sex. I usually do not require much lube, but if i do, i use Vagisil, daily moisturising fluid (my favourite these days). There is no sting, it is non scented and non sticky. It is water based and ph balanced. It works for me so I just use that. It has a nice and small bottle.

Hope that helps.