A Demiboy's Journey

KarlMars · January 23, 2018, 09:29:54 PM

I am Karl, a 28 year old transmasculine/ demi boy/boyflux. I'm currently on SSI for mental illness and tourettes.

Originally I came out of the closet 2015. I was 25 years old, and I started presenting as male.

I legally changed my name.

I was going to start using T but chickened out.

I started presenting as female again after about a year and thought the dysphoria had gone away.

All through 2017 the dsyphoria came and went.

I am considering transition again.

I stopped going to the transgender support group because it triggers me to hear about other people's dysphoria and negative emotions. I will start seeing the wonderful psychologist who does that group 1 on 1.

I am applying for college and wanting to major in dance. Considering becoming a dance teacher. I will start college while still in the closet and don't know whether to come out while in college or afterwards.

I live in a conservative area and plan on presenting as a feminine male possibly with makeup and some female clothing. I want an androgynous body with no body hair. My concerns about going on T is that I'll become bald and get more body hair than I want. Ideally I would have top and bottom surgery. If I ever had the cash I would consider laser hair removal. I want to know if in a more liberal state and town if it would be easier to get away with that while I'm not working as a professional. The good thing about the arts is that it's a queer domain.

KarlMars · January 24, 2018, 10:42:03 PM

I'm trying to get into college and one of my friends that's and LGBT advocate, and married to a transman who's my other friend teaches at the college. She said there's some LGBT Administrators and Staff at the college.

Elis · January 25, 2018, 01:48:14 AM

Hey nice to see another demiboy; welcome to the site

KarlMars · January 25, 2018, 02:35:26 PM

Quote from: Elis on January 25, 2018, 01:48:14 AM
Hey nice to see another demiboy; welcome to the site

I've been here awhile. I was trying to be more masculine before.

Elis · January 25, 2018, 03:21:47 PM

Quote from: KarlMars on January 25, 2018, 02:35:26 PM
I've been here awhile. I was trying to be more masculine before.

Oh right. Yeah I tried that myself; didn't last long.

KarlMars · January 25, 2018, 03:31:32 PM

Quote from: Elis on January 25, 2018, 03:21:47 PM
Oh right. Yeah I tried that myself; didn't last long.

Some family members where condescending and told me I was too feminine to be a man. I know better than that now. I'm becoming my most authentic self.

Lady Lisandra · January 25, 2018, 04:22:38 PM

Hi Karl! Can a demigirl join the demiboys?

My girlfriend also considered T when she was younger, but didn't want the body hair, baldness and aggressiveness that comes with it. She hasn't done HRT, but found other ways to masculinize her body, mostly by excercising. If you are feminine, you probably aren't going to like T. I definitely don't, I'm glad it's out of my body.

KarlMars · January 25, 2018, 07:20:29 PM

Quote from: Lady Lisandra on January 25, 2018, 04:22:38 PM
Hi Karl! Can a demigirl join the demiboys?

My girlfriend also considered T when she was younger, but didn't want the body hair, baldness and aggressiveness that comes with it. She hasn't done HRT, but found other ways to masculinize her body, mostly by excercising. If you are feminine, you probably aren't going to like T. I definitely don't, I'm glad it's out of my body.

I don't want to go into anything I feel will be necessary for my future surgery and body image with negative expectations.

KarlMars · January 26, 2018, 12:06:58 PM

If anyone wants to help me choose a name the poll is here: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,233433.0.html.

KarlMars · January 26, 2018, 12:08:46 PM

The order I'm going to do things in:

Top Surgery
Start Hormones
Name Change
Bottom Surgery
😀

punky_glitter · January 27, 2018, 04:15:34 PM

Helloooooooo! I love seeing older non binary people because I feel like it shows that teens who are non binary are not going through a phase or trying to get attention. And also.. Yuri!!!! On ice!!!!! I love that profile pic!!! I support you fully and finding a name that fits is a hard process, but I have faith in you!

KarlMars · January 27, 2018, 04:57:57 PM

Quote from: punky_glitter on January 27, 2018, 04:15:34 PM
Helloooooooo! I love seeing older non binary people because I feel like it shows that teens who are non binary are not going through a phase or trying to get attention. And also.. Yuri!!!! On ice!!!!! I love that profile pic!!! I support you fully and finding a name that fits is a hard process, but I have faith in you!

Glad to see I have inspired you!

Sno · February 05, 2018, 04:35:48 AM

We are here, and very queer 😉 now just keep on being gorgeous, even though you're not my type

Rowan

KarlMars · February 28, 2018, 07:11:27 PM

I talked to my therapist again about the T letter and he's going to check with my last therapist to see if there were any barriers. I had the T letter before and was afraid of the injection so I skipped the appointment twice. My therapist said it's good I've thought about it 2 years and I should tell the endo how long I've pondered. So I may be starting T.

The Flying Lemur · March 03, 2018, 01:30:50 PM

Congratulations on starting hormones! It's an exciting new step. 🙂

KarlMars · March 07, 2018, 04:10:46 AM

Quote from: The Flying Lemur on March 03, 2018, 01:30:50 PM
Congratulations on starting hormones! It's an exciting new step.

Haven't yet. I speak to the therapist today.

vic · March 30, 2018, 01:26:39 PM

Ok, firstly - Yuri on Ice, man, I might squeak a little 😀 Secondly - I'm almost 25 now and I haven't started taking hormones or doing anything to actually make my body look more masculine yet. I thought about it few years ago, but I'm living in a pretty ->-bleeped-<-ty country and I have no money, no support at all, so yeah. I wouldn't mind having more body hair, but I'm really afraid that I'll become bald (I want to have long hair and even now it's not so strong, so I don't want to think what T will do to it). And I feel you on the androgynous part. I mean, I want to have a masculine body but I also want to have right to be feminine sometimes. There's a lot of people who think that if you transition you have to be 100% male or 100% female and I don't really feel it? It's nice to know I'm not alone. I hope you find your way, no matter which one you'll choose.

KarlMars · March 30, 2018, 09:00:51 PM

Quote from: vic on March 30, 2018, 01:26:39 PM
Ok, firstly - Yuri on Ice, man, I might squeak a little 😀 Secondly - I'm almost 25 now and I haven't started taking hormones or doing anything to actually make my body look more masculine yet. I thought about it few years ago, but I'm living in a pretty ->-bleeped-<-ty country and I have no money, no support at all, so yeah. I wouldn't mind having more body hair, but I'm really afraid that I'll become bald (I want to have long hair and even now it's not so strong, so I don't want to think what T will do to it). And I feel you on the androgynous part. I mean, I want to have a masculine body but I also want to have right to be feminine sometimes. There's a lot of people who think that if you transition you have to be 100% male or 100% female and I don't really feel it? It's nice to know I'm not alone. I hope you find your way, no matter which one you'll choose.

Whether you go bald or not depends on the men in your family and whether they went bald. Its heredity.

christinej78 · April 01, 2018, 01:32:36 PM

Quote from: KarlMars on March 30, 2018, 09:00:51 PM
Whether you go bald or not depends on the men in your family and whether they went bald. Its heredity.

Brings up a good point; I'm the only one in my family that's bald. Hmm... I'd check out the milkman but he was gone long ago.

Christine

christinej78 · April 15, 2018, 02:26:45 PM

Quote from: Lady Lisandra on January 25, 2018, 04:22:38 PM
Hi Karl! Can a demigirl join the demiboys?

My girlfriend also considered T when she was younger, but didn't want the body hair, baldness and aggressiveness that comes with it. She hasn't done HRT, but found other ways to masculinize her body, mostly by excercising. If you are feminine, you probably aren't going to like T. I definitely don't, I'm glad it's out of my body.

Lis, 15 Apr 18

You're right on the money; besides all the things you mentioned, hairy ears are also one of testosterones wonderful non-benefits. My "T" is history as of Friday the 13th 2018; don't want it back... ever.

Best always,
Christine