Male to "hermaphrodite" suggestions and help

[HighDefinition-Dragoness]

Okay, so I've got quite the unique problem here. I'll try to use as appropriate language as possible for all of this. Try to refer to me as "they" if you want lol. I don't mind if you call me "he" or "she" as much as most transsexuals/nonbinary people.

I'm currently 17 year old biological male, but I want to become as close to being "hermaphrodite," or the term I like to use, "gender ambiguous" as possible. It would be nice to have genitalia of both genders, but I've decided that's not on the priority list until technology expands to be able to have surgery to essentially do that without becoming infertile. At the very least, I'd want breasts, which is where my problem begins.

I've looked into implants, but those don't mimic actual breasts, and I've heard they need to be replaced every now and then, which isn't really what I want. More recently, I've discovered that usually when mtf transgenders around my age take estrogen for 1-2 years, they go through pretty much female puberty, in which they grow breasts, before any sort of surgery or anything. Plus their voices start to change to become more feminine, which is actually something I'd want as well (but not too feminine, just a happy medium between the two that sounds cute ). I also learned then that I risk becoming infertile with this as well, but I figure once my breasts grow enough, I'd be able to stop taking estrogen (or if they don't grow as much as I'd hoped, I could theoretically take a couple months break to make sure I don't become infertile). side note, if there's no way to do so without becoming infertile, I'd probably say "screw that, I'll just see about getting that surgery I was talking about."

And here's the kicker: I found out today that it's common for mtf transgenders and such that the estrogen could make their genitals uhh... not able to become erect (sorry I didn't know how else to put it.) which I definitely don't want either.

So here's my question: How should I go about taking the estrogen but insuring that I don't break my current genitals? Or is there another alternative someone could enlighten me about? Any ideas or suggestions would be extremely helpful and greatly appreciated!

[Charlie Nicki]

Hey! Welcome.

First: Estrogen will not change your voice, that's not true. All the other things you said can indeed happen. Here's the deal, if you want to grow breasts it'll take a while, probably a couple of years on estrogen and an anti androgen. By then it's very likely that all those side effects have happened already. You could try taking estrogen without the anti androgen, to retain your erections but then the effect of estrogen will be diminished because of the testosterone flowing in your body.

Finally, getting implants without enough breast tissue will make your chest look like there are 2 balloons stuck there.

[HighDefinition-Dragoness]

Good to know, thanks! I'm fine with basically becoming infertile, if it comes down to it. Wasn't planning on breaking the laws of the universe and somehow having kids with my boyfriend anyway. Though it's nice to be able to have a failsafe, for if I want to go back on my decisions later in life.

[Mendi]

You can always store sperm and use it later to have kids.

[Laurie]

  Hi  HD,

   I'm Laurie, I see that you are new here. So please let me say, Welcome To Susan's Place! Come on in and take a good look around.  Perhaps I can even get you to hop on over to the Introductions Thread and  create a post to tell us a little bit more about yourself so we can get to know you a little better and greet you properly. I'll add some links and information below that can help you get more out of our site. Please take time to become familiar with them especially the RED one as we are always getting questions that are answered there.
  In reading your post I noticed a few things. The first is that you are young and if you are considering HRT that can work in your favor. Generally you'll have a better chance in obtaining optimal results from it if it is begun at a young age. The second thing I noted is that it appears you need to do some more research into what you are interested in doing or having done to yourself. As pointed out voice is usually not affected by estrogen. Before making any of these important life changing decisions you need to understand what it is you are asking for and what it takes to get them.
  The third think is you seem to be gathering information and advise from peer support when what you really need is some professional counseling and advice about the things you want probably the services of a gender therapist to help you explore and understand  things better. This stuff is serious business and not to be taken without some very serious thought given to it after you know what it is that you want and all that that entails. That take talking to professionals.
  And lastly what you say you want is pretty unusual so think hard on it before going down that road. I and I'm sure a therapist would want to know why  you think you want what you say you do.

Hugs,
  Laurie
 
Laurie
Global Moderator
Laurie@susans.org

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[HighDefinition-Dragoness]

Honestly, the reason I joined this website is so that I could get advice about all this and learn how all this works. I cannot for the life of me find any good sources for this, so I figured I would ask here! As for the gender therapist thing, I wouldn't know how to get one, or even how to afford it, because my family is low on money. Speaking of which, my sister (idk what she identifies as anymore) did something of the sorts a while back, and my mom usually talks about her behind her back about the fact that she did so... I'm not so sure I even want to tell my mom or my brother at all about this and move out asap. All of this meaning I can't quite get a gender therapist until I move out.

Basically that's why I'm asking advice here and not going to one of those.

[Lady Sarah]

The term "hermaphrodite" would be a totally inaccurate description. I hated being called that when I went to school. Secondly, hermaphrodites are creatures capable of asexual reproduction. Some worms qualify as hermaphrodites. No mammal will fall under that classification.
You might prefer non-binary, androgynous, or gender fluid.

[KarlMars]

Honestly, the reason I joined this website is so that I could get advice about all this and learn how all this works. I cannot for the life of me find any good sources for this, so I figured I would ask here! As for the gender therapist thing, I wouldn't know how to get one, or even how to afford it, because my family is low on money. Speaking of which, my sister (idk what she identifies as anymore) did something of the sorts a while back, and my mom usually talks about her behind her back about the fact that she did so... I'm not so sure I even want to tell my mom or my brother at all about this and move out asap. All of this meaning I can't quite get a gender therapist until I move out.

Basically that's why I'm asking advice here and not going to one of those.

If you're low income is there anyway you could get medicaid? Your journey sounds fascinating. I wish you well.

[HighDefinition-Dragoness]

The term "hermaphrodite" would be a totally inaccurate description. I hated being called that when I went to school. Secondly, hermaphrodites are creatures capable of asexual reproduction. Some worms qualify as hermaphrodites. No mammal will fall under that classification.
You might prefer non-binary, androgynous, or gender fluid.

I know, that's why I say it in quotes. Though I mean it when I say I'd want to be as close to one as possible. I know it's an unattainable wish, so I'm compromising with second best with being "gender ambiguous" I guess xD

(oh yeah and I just now discovered the quote button whoops xD)

[HighDefinition-Dragoness]

If you're low income is there anyway you could get medicaid? Your journey sounds fascinating. I wish you well.

Not quite sure what medicaid is, but I'll look into it when I have the time!

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. While we have members who present androgynously, there are some limits as to what medical intervention can accomplish. With bottom surgery there could be issues locating sufficient skin to construct something other than a strictly male or female bottom. FTMs for example need a donor site for some of the surgeries and that results in a visible scar.

Hormones are a bit unpredictable in their results and the changes aren't stable over time. I was off estrogen for about 10 years and I saw may of the change revert resulting in a less desirable appearance. Changes may not happen as fast as you desire and in the ways you didn't expected.

Many of us desire a certain look but after you have spent sufficient time on the transition, you learn that it's far more than appearance. It's more about the way  people treat you and being comfortable with yourself and not about appearance.

[KarlMars]

Not quite sure what medicaid is, but I'll look into it when I have the time!

If you're a minor living in the USA you may already have it. It's low income insurance provided by your state. If you don't live in the US. I'm not sure then. Ask your mother about your insurance and to see if it could cover a gender therapist.

[HighDefinition-Dragoness]

Welcome to Susan's Place. While we have members who present androgynously, there are some limits as to what medical intervention can accomplish. With bottom surgery there could be issues locating sufficient skin to construct something other than a strictly male or female bottom. FTMs for example need a donor site for some of the surgeries and that results in a visible scar.

Hormones are a bit unpredictable in their results and the changes aren't stable over time. I was off estrogen for about 10 years and I saw may of the change revert resulting in a less desirable appearance. Changes may not happen as fast as you desire and in the ways you didn't expected.

Many of us desire a certain look but after you have spent sufficient time on the transition, you learn that it's far more than appearance. It's more about the way  people treat you and being comfortable with yourself and not about appearance.

I understand that. I don't really care much about my appearance, or at least I don't try to pay attention to it. I'm more interested in being both male and female, physically, and not just in my mind, you know?

If you're a minor living in the USA you may already have it. It's low income insurance provided by your state. If you don't live in the US. I'm not sure then. Ask your mother about your insurance and to see if it could cover a gender therapist.

Oh. I think my father covers my insurance, but once I graduate from school, I think it's going to be removed? Not sure. I think it's part of a "child support" thing.

[KarlMars]

I understand that. I don't really care much about my appearance, or at least I don't try to pay attention to it. I'm more interested in being both male and female, physically, and not just in my mind, you know?Oh. I think my father covers my insurance, but once I graduate from school, I think it's going to be removed? Not sure. I think it's part of a "child support" thing.

If your mother is supportive try asking her if you can get a gender therapist. You insurance may cover it. There also might be group therapy in your area for teens.

[Dena]

In the U.S. children can remain on their parents policy until they are 26. We discovered that our Blue Cross policy allows  children to remain on the policy until they are 30 but that depends on the policy and the parents agreeing to allow the children to remain on the policy. Normally children leave the policy when they  qualify for insurance through their job.

[HighDefinition-Dragoness]

If your mother is supportive try asking her if you can get a gender therapist. You insurance may cover it. There also might be group therapy in your area for teens.

My mother is supportive but somewhat judgemental... I don't think she'd be pleased to hear about any of this, so I want to avoid this conversation with her...

In the U.S. children can remain on their parents policy until they are 26. We discovered that our Blue Cross policy allows  children to remain on the policy until they are 30 but that depends on the policy and the parents agreeing to allow the children to remain on the policy. Normally children leave the policy when they  qualify for insurance through their job.

Oh alright, I guess that makes sense.

Im about to make an update post in a bit or tomorrow, so stay tuned I guess?

[HighDefinition-Dragoness]

Hey, here it is!
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,234139.new.html#new