Step-By-Step Outing Yourself

[Roberta W]

It's pretty hard for many people to just "out oneself" all at once to everyone ... In fact, the fear of reprisals holds some back forever.  In my case, I went "step by step".  Yes, I had breast development and SRS over 30 years ago, but I kept that hidden for a long time from everyone.  Eventually I just grew my hair longer.  Slowly but surely I wore more feminine clothing ... Not dresses, just V-neck tops & ladies jeans etc.  I had my ears pierced and wore earrings ... but lots of guys do that.  I had permanent eyeliner & lip-liner makeup done, so I couldn't hide that more feminine look there.  I started wearing nail polish.  Understand that all of this was happening over a slow, methodical period of time ... Time enough to essentially interface with everyone.  Then I went for permanent eye-shadow makeup.  My optician suggested some "more feminine looking frames" ... It was starting to work!  I started wearing more and more "revealing" tops everywhere.  I let my hair go down to my shoulders, and now I was wearing more "dangly" style earrings, and I started wearing lip-stain to darken my lips.  Eventually people started asking why I never wore a dress.  So I started obliging them.  Every now and then I'd be in a dress at a place where I hadn't seen a person in quite a while, but the reaction was always "I wondered when you were going to finally do that" ... So you see, in my case it was an "evolutionary" process, not a shock to anyone.  It was gradual enough that even my wife slowly tolerated each little step along the way .. So my message is, if you're afraid of jumping all at once into the "deep end", try the "wading in" approach ... It worked for me!  Even with my brothers!  Life is too short to deny who we really are, so find a way to complete that transition!  Just my two cents worth ... Roberta

[Lexxi]

Hi Roberta,

I think what you proposed is an excellent idea!! From the way it sounds your friends and family seemed to think you had been a woman along and might have been trying to hide behind a male persona.

I'm glad this method worked for you...I might give it a try myself.

xoxo
Lexxi

[Allie Jayne]

So I am not the only slow transitioner. I believe it's not just the visual hints, but behavioural as well. All my life I have enjoyed doing traditional 'womanly' things, being sensitive, emotional, never overbearing, and empathetic. As such I have been welcomed by women, and have made many men uncomfortable. I was in a mother's club, and on a kindergarten committee and had never presented as anything but male. 30 years ago, my sister in law named me Allie, because she felt I had a woman's brain. 15 years ago I semi retired to educating children, and grew my hair down past my shoulders. Still presenting as male, albeit a softer version, all the girls at work made me an 'honorary woman'. I recently came out to my boss as she needed to know that I may have difficulty being topless at the beach this summer (we take kids snorkelling) and her reaction was way more than acceptance, she has asked me to hurry up my physical transition as she can't wait to work with me as a woman. I'm happy to keep softening with HRT and subtle style changes until I get the vibe that most people expect me to present as female. I don't feel rushed as I already virtually live a woman's life.

Allie 

[Cindy]

I thought that I was a 'slow transitioner' and then went full time after a few years. I had no great problems. However after I retired I was having dinner and drinks with old colleagues and one of them spoke up. "What was that business with gradually becoming more feminine? You know when you started to wear a bit of make up and then a few items of female clothing etc."  I fessed up that I thought that by taking slow steps I wouldn't startle anyone and become accepted. "You galah, we all used to talk about you asking what the Hell was going on. Then someone suggested that you might be transgender and was scared of letting us know, so we all ignored you until you came to your senses and just told us."

So much for slow changes being hidden and gradually blending in

[pamelatransuk]

Still presenting as male, albeit a softer version, all the girls at work made me an 'honorary woman'.
I recently came out to my boss as she needed to know that I may have difficulty being topless at the beach this summer (we take kids snorkelling) and her reaction was way more than acceptance, she has asked me to hurry up my physical transition as she can't wait to work with me as a woman. Allie

So uplifting to read 2 wonderful events here, Allie.

Both the honorary woman and the fantastic reaction from your boss!

Hugs

Pamela 

[Roberta W]

So I am not the only slow transitioner. I believe it's not just the visual hints, but behavioural as well. All my life I have enjoyed doing traditional 'womanly' things, being sensitive, emotional, never overbearing, and empathetic. As such I have been welcomed by women, and have made many men uncomfortable. I was in a mother's club, and on a kindergarten committee and had never presented as anything but male. 30 years ago, my sister in law named me Allie, because she felt I had a woman's brain. 15 years ago I semi retired to educating children, and grew my hair down past my shoulders. Still presenting as male, albeit a softer version, all the girls at work made me an 'honorary woman'. I recently came out to my boss as she needed to know that I may have difficulty being topless at the beach this summer (we take kids snorkelling) and her reaction was way more than acceptance, she has asked me to hurry up my physical transition as she can't wait to work with me as a woman. I'm happy to keep softening with HRT and subtle style changes until I get the vibe that most people expect me to present as female. I don't feel rushed as I already virtually live a woman's life.

Allie

Yes Allie ... I forgot to mention that ... At work the women would notice my more feminine demeanor and gave me the "wink", commented that "I looked nice today" etc. ... I guess you could say they also made me an "honorary woman".  Now I see them at retirement parties etc. and I am no longer "honorary", but full-fledged.

I recently went to a high school reunion where I hadn't seen many of those folks for decades ... So none of them saw my "slow transition".  For them it was "all at once", but the reactions were all very positive with smiles and hugs.  I was really pleased with that!  Acceptance is a wonderful thing.

[F_P_M]

Lol this is sort of what i'm doing, as well as dropping MAJOR hints to my family without saying the words "I'm trans"

Somehow dropping hints and hoping they get it is far less stressful and frightening and thus far reactions have been okay, but i'm not sure really how much they're picking up on.

It seems to be working pretty well though. My hope is that when I finally DO say the words people won't be as shocked because they've had prior warning and a lot of hints throughout the process.

[KennedDoll]

I am also outing myself slowly. One reason is that I'm trying to discover what feels right, for clothing and appearance. The other is that most of what my transition involves has nothing to do with appearance.

[pamelatransuk]

I have also been doing likewise with female jumpers, skinny pants, minor make up and nail varnish. It has the double effect of gradual outing of myself plus making me feel both better now and confident for the future.

Hugs

Pamela

[Vethrvolnir]

I suck at step by step.
When I feel excluded because I appear female I sometimes just blurt out that I'm male.
Because I get angry.
And then we all have to deal with the aftermath.
...
I'm an idiot.