In the beginning I felt similar to what you are feeling now. He had to make it perfectly clear because there were people everywhere and it had never happened to me before. I was looking all over for whatever pretty girl this fool was honking and yelling at.
It felt good for something that I had waited for my whole life to start happening. I would complain when my friends and I were out and it happened but inside I was smiling. I don't know when it changed but it got to be too much. It's creepy and frightening and I cannot believe that I ever thought that it was awesome. Just a few weeks ago my boyfriend took me to the mall to exchange a Christmas gift, this group of guys just bulled their way right between us the one trying to get me to talk to him. Then the disgusting things they said very loudly after they were past. What are we going to do about it? I am nearing 50, he is ten years older than me and was shaking with anger, shame and fear for an hour after. I know that I can't beat a group of guys from experience and he is smart enough not to try. I work hard not to be rude but anymore I don't look at men or let them engage me at all if I can help it. Sometimes I feel horrible about it, how else can react though. For a while, if they seemed nice, I would try to talk to them so I wouldn't be rude and most of the time it was no problem. Maybe one out of ten though it would just encourage them and they started spewing nasty. It's like, there is the creepy, eww, eww, eww, leave me alone.
I do understand how you feel, I just can't handle it at all anymore. Even though I think it is adorable when guy comes face to face with me suddenly and is like; Oh! You, um... Do.. Then look down all embarrassed. It is so cute! I want to rescue them but I don't, ever. That guy could easily be gross given a chance. Maybe it's shutting out half of the world, it's the only way I can be though. It's not even that I know, absolutely KNOW, that there are men out there that would gladly beat me to death if they knew about me and thought that they could get away with it. It's that there are men out there that don't see women as people at all, we are only real to them in so much as what they can do to us or how they can show us off. I have had a guy hit on me, then later that same evening in a group where I was the only girl, ignore everything that I was saying like the rest of the men there. Oh they would smile when I tried to talk, like, 'You can stay, give us something to look at and show off for, but please, you are not equipped to speak intelligently.' THEN that same guy tried to get my phone number before he left! Really!?!
That feeling is long gone for me. It couldn't hold up against all the rest. I don't think that there is anything wrong with feeling the way that you do though. Far from it. Many women feel the same way. Then again I know a few women who have a rape fantasy, none of them want to get raped in reality though. It's easy to feel two ways about something at once.
