Heartbroken - Please Help

[pink_cotton]

I could really use some advice from my fellow sisters. I am severely heartbroken right now.

I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 years, and we live together. We got into a fight several weeks ago about our finances, and I broke it off with him and told him to move out. After 7 days, I reached out to him, and we made up and are now back together.

He admitted to me that during those 7 days he had sex with another transgender woman about 4 times. He didn't use protection, and he has now contracted gonorrhea. He lied to me about meeting her initially but eventually told me the whole story. We were only separated for 7 days. It doesn't make sense to me why he would do this.

I feel so betrayed and disgusted. Should I stay with him? Is this my fault?

[Cindy]

It certainly isn't your fault.

I would have serious doubts about continuing with him.

Of course don't have sex with him in any way until he is cured and I would go and get checked yourself.

So sorry for you honey.

[Shannon14]

As Cindy wrote, it's most certainly not your fault.
I'm so sorry you're having to go through this.
I think you will have to decide whether or not you can trust him again and that will likely take a lot of work for both of you.
I think his judgment seriously comes into question here.

[Cassi]

Be healthy, stay healthy, lose the clap catcher. 

[Harley Quinn]

I don't think he met this person and had sex with them in less than a week.  That is a very short time...  I would be suspicious of his fidelity.  As much as it hurts to let go of someone in your life... I would think it may be best to let him do his thing somewhere else.  Who knows what he'd be bringing into the relationship.  From the limited back story, it wasn't money, and sounds like next time he could bring home something that you can't get rid of...  There are a lot of good people in the world.  Don't tie yourself down and miss a shot at the good ones.

[Rfisher0175]

I don't think he met this person and had sex with them in less than a week.  That is a very short time...  I would be suspicious of his fidelity.  As much as it hurts to let go of someone in your life... I would think it may be best to let him do his thing somewhere else.  Who knows what he'd be bringing into the relationship.  From the limited back story, it wasn't money, and sounds like next time he could bring home something that you can't get rid of...  There are a lot of good people in the world.  Don't tie yourself down and miss a shot at the good ones.

Pretty much sums it up for me too. Good advice Harley

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[Ellement_of_Freedom]

Pull yourself together girl. DROP HIM. We transgender girls go through too much to be who we are to then be walked all over.

You had to reach out to him? And he had sex with someone else? Four times? In the space of one week?! And he got an STI from them? Nuh uh. Oh no.

Tell him don't let the door hit him on the way out.

You need someone who gives you more respect than that. If someone can have sex with another person four times in the space of one week after being freshly broken up, I don't think that someone was very heartbroken over you at all...

[Gertrude]

No, you shouldn't stay with him. Not sure what fault you're inquiring about, but he did what he did of his own volition. We're responsible for our own feelings, no one else's.


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[Jessica]

Hi Pink 🙋‍♀️  Welcome to Susan's, I'm Jessica! I notice you may not have been greeted with a list of links that may help you get better acquainted with the site.
I'm sorry this has happened to you with your boyfriend.  It would be hard to trust him again.  This is not your fault at all.

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[pink_cotton]

Thank you so much for your replies

I've been thinking about ending my life all day. I feel so miserable like I don't compare to this other transgender girl he slept with (she was a model). I feel ugly and unwanted.

[ToriJo]

I've been thinking about ending my life all day. I feel so miserable like I don't compare to this other transgender girl he slept with (she was a model). I feel ugly and unwanted.

Please stick around in our world. I'm really sorry this happened to you.

[bobbisue]

     Please don't hurt yourself over someone else's mistake I have been having the same thoughts [suicide] for very different reasons don't do it there is so much to live for I know it doesn't feel that way right now but we can go on we are worth it

     bobbisue

[sfbarbie]

You do deserve better.  He can be medicated for the STD which is good. My perspective is not necessarily that he slept with someone else, but that he was so wreckless and had unprotected sex with someone he barely knew - that for me would be enough to not be with him.

Technically you were on a break and though its crappy of him to have slept with someone else, in that aspect he was free to do what he wanted - you made him move out and maybe that was how he dealt with being upset? idk.

I would be livid if I were you, but at the end of the day you have to do what is best for you. Don't settle for less. I have been single almost 4 years and am starting to think I will never have a bf again, so if its something real that the 2 of you have you may want to consider trying to make it work. Always protect your heart though sister!

[and5678]

It's definitely not your fault - and you deserve better. I understand the heartbreak from the loss of a relationship and the amazing feeling from getting it back, but try to understand why you split it off. Look for the underlying root cause. It may not be for you, or it might.

Best of luck...

[Charlie Nicki]

It's definitely not your fault but I think others are jumping the gun a little bit in characterizing him as an awful cheating person and saying you should move on. None of us really know how your relationship is or what type of person he is, you're the only one who knows. The way I see it he made a mistake (though technically you were not together so it's a gray zone) and he admitted to it. There's some positive in there. Yes it hurts but if you guys love each other you can bounce back from that. See the pros and cons of your relationship and make a decision based on that.

[Cassi]

Oh heck, where's Lorena Bobbit when you need her?

[pink_cotton]

Thank you everyone

Your comments and suggestions have been very helpful.

[TheDarkQueenEmily]

You poor dear. I have never had anyone cheat on me before, but if my husband ever cheats on me we are done. Period. End of story. As for the gonorrhea, I wouldn't touch the bastard with a 10 foot pole even AFTER he's cured.

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