I just came out to my dad

[Sinead]

So my Dad, who has been neglectful my whole life - and I haven't seen in 4 years, decided to message me on Facebook early this morning, telling me he wanted to see me and he loved his son. Our relationship has been especially strained every since I came out of the closet in 2010, and he took it really badly, we never really recovered from that.

Anyway, I saw this as a good opportunity to tell him that I was questioning my gender and that I wanted to be a woman. It does feel a bit like a cop out - because I did it via text, but I practically have nothing to lose, because he's not in my life and I know how he's gonna react.

I haven't yet heard a reply from him, but I'm assuming he's read the message because he's online and I texted it to (what I think is) his number, just to be sure

[Allison S]

I always say no response is a response. Definitely had that happen but since he's your dad I'm sure it stings a bit more.

For me it's somewhat easier to have an emotionally distant father. Mine definitely is and yeah it has it's downsides of course but I could never have had the father/son relationship. That would've made me very dysphoric and probably want to transition sooner! I joke.. but not really.


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[Denise]

So my Dad, who has been neglectful my whole life - and I haven't seen in 4 years, decided to message me on Facebook early this morning, telling me he wanted to see me and he loved his son. Our relationship has been especially strained every since I came out of the closet in 2010, and he took it really badly, we never really recovered from that.

Anyway, I saw this as a good opportunity to tell him that I was questioning my gender and that I wanted to be a woman. It does feel a bit like a cop out - because I did it via text, but I practically have nothing to lose, because he's not in my life and I know how he's gonna react.

I haven't yet heard a reply from him, but I'm assuming he's read the message because he's online and I texted it to (what I think is) his number, just to be sure

Sinead,. Did he reply?


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[Sinead]

Sinead,. Did he reply?


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No, the message has been marked as unread. I get the feeling he read the message without actually clicking on it, because he's been online recently. I'm slightly disappointed to have not received any disdain or abuse from him, it would be much better than just silence which I'm getting currently

[Megan.]

Hey hun, sry for the silence from your dad, I know firsthand it can often be worse than a clearly negative message.
It took me almost 2 years to finally coax a message from my mum, it was a hate filled letter of absolute rejection, but it let me close the chapter on that part of my life.
I'm still holding out hope for you and your dad, these relationships (even if never close) have value if they can preserved.

Hugs, Megan. X

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[Bari Jo]

I'll relate a similar story only my dad and I have always been close.  I told him via letter because I couldn't get the nerve to do it in person.  It took him about a week to respond and we are close.  You and your dad are distant.  I'm thinking yours may need lots more time to process, maybe even a reminder if it's been a few weeks.  Good luck Sister.

Bari Jo