This Is Me

[Northern Star Girl]

@TonyaW
Great lyrics... tells a wonderful story that makes us think 🤔
I really like verse 2

Thanks for sharing this.
Hugs
Danielle

[TonyaW]

@TonyaW
Great lyrics... tells a wonderful story that makes us think [emoji848]
I really like verse 2

Thanks for sharing this.
Hugs
Danielle

I took it that she's singing about herself, which can easily relate to transition.

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[TonyaW]

Re-sent the passport application, used the right form.  Last at the post office very helpful in double and triple checking that everything that asked for in my "you screwed up" letter was fixed and included. 

Two days later in the mail comes a little packet from the State Department. Way to fast so wondering what else was screwed up.  It was just the hard copy of the email letter and correct form that I had printed out to use and had just sent in.  Only thing different was they had included a return envelope, which didnt really matter because the post office lady got me one of theirs for sending it certified. 

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[Northern Star Girl]

Re-sent the passport application, used the right form.  Last at the post office very helpful in double and triple checking that everything that asked for in my "you screwed up" letter was fixed and included. 

Two days later in the mail comes a little packet from the State Department. Way to fast so wondering what else was screwed up.  It was just the hard copy of the email letter and correct form that I had printed out to use and had just sent in.  Only thing different was they had included a return envelope, which didnt really matter because the post office lady got me one of theirs for sending it certified. 

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@TonyaW
Dear Tonya...
Well, this is good news I think, but it will really be good news when you finally get your passport....  last time I renewed my passport to change my name and gender it took less than 2 weeks, but I have heard that others have had to wait much longer especially if it involved a name and gender change.....   Is this a new passport for you or just a name change or renewal?   

That was very nice that the Post Office lady double checked everything for you....  government agencies definitely want all the "t's" crossed and "i's" dotted.

Wishing you well and hope you get your passport soon.
Hugs,
Danielle

[TonyaW]

@TonyaW
Dear Tonya...
Well, this is good news I think, but it will really be good news when you finally get your passport....  last time I renewed my passport to change my name and gender it took less than 2 weeks, but I have heard that others have had to wait much longer especially if it involved a name and gender change.....   Is this a new passport for you or just a name change or renewal?   

That was very nice that the Post Office lady double checked everything for you....  government agencies definitely want all the "t's" crossed and "i's" dotted.

Wishing you well and hope you get your passport soon.
Hugs,
Danielle

Renewal for name change.  Should have known there would be more to the gender change than just changing it on the form.  I ran across the passport thread about 2 days after I mailed it off the first time.  No travel plans so not in a hurry. Passport is the last major name change item on my list. 

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[TonyaW]

So it was one year ago today that my manager told everyone at work about me. 



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[TonyaW]

All the things I've failed at.

Husband
Grandpa
Father
Brother
Son
Life.
Womanhood whatever that is.

Might be some hope there but fighting 40 plus years of my Fat Ugly Man Body poisoning me with testosterone.

Can you tell I had a rough night?  So far not better in the morning. Which means I see that F.U.M.B. in the mirror, which makes me feel like crap which me write out stuff like this which hopefully will make me feel better but so far isn't and round and round it goes. 

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[TonyaW]

If anyone's paying attention, I'm better now.

Passport came in the mail all nice and corrected, so that helped lift me out of it. 

Details about that in a different thread. I'd link to it but too lazy to learn how at the moment.

Couple of pictures. Getting better with the curling iron, no more burns and old ones are healed.

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[Northern Star Girl]

All the things I've failed at.

Husband
Grandpa
Father
Brother
Son
Life.
Womanhood whatever that is.

Might be some hope there but fighting 40 plus years of my Fat Ugly Man Body poisoning me with testosterone.

Can you tell I had a rough night? So far not better in the morning. Which means I see that F.U.M.B. in the mirror, which makes me feel like crap which me write out stuff like this which hopefully will make me feel better but so far isn't and round and round it goes. 

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@TonyaW
Dear Tonya:   
Oh yeah, I guess that you did indeed have a rough night.
I am thinking that you might want to visit my  "Positive Mindset... put away negativity"  thread.

I trust that things will look up for you after a good night's sleep.
Hugs,
Danielle

[Northern Star Girl]

If anyone's paying attention, I'm better now.

Passport came in the mail all nice and corrected, so that helped lift me out of it. 

Details about that in a different thread. I'd link to it but too lazy to learn how at the moment.

Couple of pictures. Getting better with the curling iron, no more burns and old ones are healed.

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@TonyaW
Dear Tonya:  I am indeed paying attention and your latest post is much better that the previous....  I am glad that you have gotten out of your funk....   Oh goodie, your passport finally came, all in correct form.

Ahhh, yes, the curling iron can be a very nice tool for hair but it also can be a torture devise that when using it if one is not careful it can burn.   I recall your previous posting describing that.

Again, I am so glad that things are all better in your world now......
.....and you were even smiling in your second picture.

Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

[KathyLauren]

Yay for the new passport, and yay for feeling better!  Your pictures look great, especially the smiling one.

[Mary1]

If anyone's paying attention, I'm better now.

Passport came in the mail all nice and corrected, so that helped lift me out of it. 

Details about that in a different thread. I'd link to it but too lazy to learn how at the moment.

Couple of pictures. Getting better with the curling iron, no more burns and old ones are healed.

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Took pictures after voting..huh?

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[Mary1]

All the things I've failed at.

Husband
Grandpa
Father
Brother
Son
Life.
Womanhood whatever that is.

Might be some hope there but fighting 40 plus years of my Fat Ugly Man Body poisoning me with testosterone.

Can you tell I had a rough night?  So far not better in the morning. Which means I see that F.U.M.B. in the mirror, which makes me feel like crap which me write out stuff like this which hopefully will make me feel better but so far isn't and round and round it goes. 

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Didn't know you did...

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[Dani]

Tonya,

What is this FUMB business? You should know that HRT takes time to show results. A year and a half is not enough time yet.

Give your self another year or two and then take another look. Be patient, you will get there pretty soon.

For myself, I did not get properly gendered until I had FFS and at least 3 full years of HRT. And don't forget the diet and exercise. D&E and HRT does wonderous things and if it is not enough, then FFS may be in your future.

Take heart. You will get there.

[TonyaW]

Tonya,

What is this FUMB business? You should know that HRT takes time to show results. A year and a half is not enough time yet.

Give your self another year or two and then take another look. Be patient, you will get there pretty soon.

For myself, I did not get properly gendered until I had FFS and at least 3 full years of HRT. And don't forget the diet and exercise. D&E and HRT does wonderous things and if it is not enough, then FFS may be in your future.

Take heart. You will get there.

Hi Dani, thanks for the encouragement.

I'm pretty sure I'm not passing but I don't get misgendered too often anymore  (except on the phone).

The FUMB is what I see in the mirror when my head is in a bad place. Part of that is probably impatience with the pace of HRT.

It's been about 18 months and when my head is clear I can see the progress and I'm ok with things. When I'm happy and can smile I can see the girl in the mirror.

Weight loss is a little more frustrating because I'm not having success on my own this time. 12 years ago I weighed around 280 (there's a pic in the before/after thread) and in a year got that to 230 just by eating a little less and getting regular exercise. I had let my weight creep back up to around 260 about two years ago (just before I started to figure out this trans business) and got that back to 230 in just a few months. I've started working with a program through my insurance, but it's still early in that. 

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[TonyaW]

Yay for the new passport, and yay for feeling better!  Your pictures look great, especially the smiling one.

Thanks. Of course a smile is always nicer, but I like the un-smiling picture since it's the first one where I thought that I looked decent without a smile. 

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[TonyaW]

Some random thoughts since nothing new going on for me.

How is that eyeliner doesn't stay on and yet is impossible to remove completely?

Fitbit's should give extra credit for steps taken while wearing heels. 

Hardly anyone seems to spell my name right.  I didn't know T-o-n-y-a was not a popular spelling. 

Oh I guess there is something new, this skirt. Hard to tell from the picture but its purple. 

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[Mary1]

Some random thoughts since nothing new going on for me.

How is that eyeliner doesn't stay on and yet is impossible to remove completely?

Fitbit's should give extra credit for steps taken while wearing heels. 

Hardly anyone seems to spell my name right.  I didn't know T-o-n-y-a was not a popular spelling. 

Oh I guess there is something new, this skirt. Hard to tell from the picture but its purple. 

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Target?

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[TonyaW]

Inspired by @Faith

My progress

I think these are all the photos I've used as avatars in the last 2 years.



About 4 months pre HRT, after a Sephora makeover




This one was labeled 6 months so going to guess it was from August 2017, 6 months HRT.


December 2017, first one I can find after going red.


January 2018




May 2018. 1 year 2 months HRT




July 2018




August 2018




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[Faith]

not so dramatic between the recent ones, definitely a noticeable  shift in the right direction from the early ones. Keep it up