I personally think you've come a long way. We can be our worst critics sometimes and I certainly relate to your anxieties.
Truth is do any of us know who we really are? I certainly don't, but what I do know is that we are all unique. There is no one way to experience the world, no one way to be male, female or other. The important thing is that you be gentle with yourself. It's o.k. to be you just the way you are
It's society that likes to put things in boxes, label and rubber stamp things. You are this, you are that, you are the other. It's everywhere, even here. All this noise of social expectation, no wonder we loose ourselves.
I think I've come to the conclusion that I can't personally work all this stuff out in my head, it's like a dog chasing it's tail at some point you just get very disoriented, dizzy and go barf in the corner.
For me I have a vague sense of my truth, nothing more. I sort of know the things that offer relief, that resonate with my core. I certainly know the strong compulsion to express myself, It's nothing I have any control over, it just is. My essence isn't going to change and I guess that's where I find a little peace. In accepting what I already know but am often too afraid to admit. There's a whole lifetime of paper trails to follow if I need clues.
We'll be o.k. When I was having my makeover the other day I was amazed at how unconfident the clinician was about her place in the world. Much of what you are experiencing isn't a transgender thing it's a human thing.
Have a lovely day whatever you get up to.
Peace and love and all that good stuff,
Sadie
