Should I Come Out To My Therapist?

[Cole Phelps]

I'll preface this by saying that I'm 16 years old, so I'm not able to make most decisions independently yet.

I want to come out to someone in person, to test the waters. The place I go to for therapy is pro-lgbt+, so there's no issue there, but the problem is since I'm a minor they're required to give my parents information if they ask for it, and I don't get a say. My mom hates transgender people. Once I asked her, feigning it only out of curiosity, if she'd rather have me be transgender or a criminal and she said criminal, that even me being a murderer would be preferable. I can't imagine a worse fate then her knowing the truth about me.

I'm a man, I want to present as a man, I want to go by Cole, not Anna. I'm not Anna anymore, I don't think I ever was.

I'm not looking for answers so much as I'm looking for comfort, but any advice is appreciated.

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. If you want to tell your therapist, I think the best approach would be to back into this. By that I mean first ask your therapist how much information has been passed to your parents. Next explain the topic you want to discuss will not be well received by your mother then ask your therapist's opinion as to if you should continue. I understand the law/rules may require passing information to the parents however I have seen where that can really cause problems in a therapy session and delay treatment.

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[MeTony]

Welcome Cole.

You have found the best site for us on internet. Everyone is very supportive here. Feel free to share your thoughts and ups and downs with us.

You should ask your therapist how much information passes on to your parents. My son is 16. I don't ask what he and his therapist talk about. But that is me. Your parents might have a feeling they need to have more control over things. Ask your therapist.

In two years you are an adult and can do what ever you like and your parents have no insight what so ever about your therapist visits.


Tony

[Gertrude]

Yes


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[DawnOday]

Cole . I'm going to give my pat answer. If you need help in crafting an explanation, here is a great example.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,104243.msg780226.html#msg780226   Mom's living her life the way she wants to. It's getting time to choose yours. You are in that limbo area between childhood and adulthood. It would be unwise of your mother to believe you are incapable of thinking for yourself. I knew at 16 and because I worried what others would say I still knew at 64 and had not addressed it. I would suggest telling the truth to the therapist and having the therapist talk to your mother. If your mother really cares she will be ok and will do what it takes to support your decision.

[punky_glitter]

I am so glad you at least have a therapist, but the revealing your information thing really sucks! I don't think that parents typically abuse that privilege though unless they're rude. I would assume that your parents wouldn't ask about it unless it's brought up. I think that coming out to your therapist would be a great idea so that they can properly give you the therapy you want or need. You guys could talk about it and work through how to come out to your parents when the time comes. And maybe even connect you with resources! I wish the best of luck to you!

[rainification]

I think you should ask your therapist if they have the right to tell your parents whatever they ask. I don't think that legally they can tell your parents something you don't want them to know unless you're in serious danger and your parents absolutely need to know. Therapists tend to be very accepting of situations where the person is closeted. My doctor knows I'm FtM and I'm barely 15 and she said she's legally not allowed to tell my mother this if I don't want her to know. I'm not sure if it's the same where you live, but like I said, I'm pretty sure your therapist won't tell your parents something you don't wanna tell them unless you're in danger.

[Sparklefish]

Hi Cole.I'm the mommy of a trans 15 son. He is in therapy and his therapist doesn't tell me what they talk about.So like a few other people have suggested I would ask your therapist under what condition does he tell parents information.I know coming out is hard and you will eventually get there. I wish I could give you a big hug and tell you that everything is going to be okay.So I am sending you cyber hugs and support.Hopefully your mom will be supportive because you are her son but ultimately you have to live your life for yourself sweetie.