Im Iris - not my legal name (hopefully once) born a boy but quite obviously that isn't working out for me (signs were there at 6 years) I came here hoping just get some opinions from some of you who are more experienced in transitioning and all that comes with. I just recently had my 18th birthday and every day, every month it feels im drifting away and away from the person I want to be. My head is like long, my nose is big and it all makes it more guy-ish. I don't have the worst features but it all makes me really really scared of how I would look and if I'd look "authentic". I imagine that is same for all of us though. Im 178 cm/5'10" (I thinkk?) though I really don't have any problems with that as we have quite a lot of girls around that height at our school. Also I am probably quite skilled with makeup as I do it lots of times and I dress up (inside my house). I just have mom, grandma and uncle living here but the only one who knows about all this is my mom and she is okay with everything except me transition full-time. As I live south of Europe (Slovenia - small coutry which has christian catholic religion everywhere - and it is not nice for LGBT+) and my grandma and uncle are followers of this religion (uncle is a priest and a lawyer working with the bishop) makes it quite though for transition, thats why my mom says its unrealistic for me to do it. Then I have a girlfriend also, she lives in Sweden (love that placee) and I escaped there two times now. We are together for 10 months now and she knew even before as I told her, now her/my friends there know mostly too. Everyone there is okay with me doing make up, dressing up, acting more like feminine but my gf at least, is hoping I will stop once. She knows its making me happy but she wants me to be the "guy". She is kind of caught up in all those norms ( she is thai and gender roles there are quite important there even if there are lots of ladyboys and others). I genuinly don't know what to do as being a trans here in Slovenia will be a suicide, (heard my friends talking about us "disgusting freaks" as they said it the other day) moving to Sweden would be quite hard and also don't know if ill be able to be with my gf any longer or change her mind. And I know staying like this will eventually lead me doing something really bad - almost was there few years ago. Should I just straight up tell everyone here or move? I am really in a bad position right now...
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