Just wanting to curl up somewhere and sleep for months.

[AutumnGurl81]

So i used that stupid face app today, and-well first off, i hate how manly my face is...i really, really, hate it. It honestly makes me so sad everyday (and yes I have a therapist i talk to weekly), anyways, face app was like, I can't help ya boy. So, now I feel even crappier and uglier, and I'm sure I'm probably more emotional than what was normal, but wow, I feel terrible...it made me feel like there is no end in sight, I won't look pretty or womanly ever. Honestly I was thinking after a couple years of hrt maybe I'll only need rhinoplasty with a lip lift, but now i dont even know. I dont want to have a ton of surgery to feel like the person I am, and when i look in the mirror everyday its so daunting. Everyone has always told me im a good looking guy, and I hated the way I look anyways,  but, now I really hate it. I'm totally vent ranting, sorry, but holy crap I feel like nothing can help me right now.

[KarynMcD]

I'll tell ya. I think I look better than FaceApp ever "predicted."
Have you started HRT? It can be magic.

[Allison S]

We don't know for sure what will happen. I was in a rush to start hrt and now I'm just waiting. Like you I think about rhinoplasty and surgery. It's very consuming and I left my job because of all this. There's always more to things.

It's a painful process I question everyday. Despite it all I do think I'm becoming a better person.

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[AutumnGurl81]

I'll tell ya. I think I look better than FaceApp ever "predicted."
Have you started HRT? It can be magic.

I have, I'm really hoping for good results over the next 10 months.

It's a painful process I question everyday. Despite it all I do think I'm becoming a better person.

This. I definitely feel like a better person. I know I'm being impatient, it's just so hard. I told my self last night that I need to not get on a scale, put on my girl clothes, or pay attention to it until April. Just eat excersize and do life.

[natalie.ashlyne]

I am sorry you feel that way, this can take time and 10 months is a short amount of time, you have to remember that HRT has to undo slowly all the masculine traits and replace them slowly with feminine traits, when you think about it that is alot of work. I do know how you feel though I feel that way my self, and I try to remember words my uncle said to me when I was younger " Rome was not built in a day" so this may take a few years to see what you want to achieve

[kitchentablepotpourri]

The starting point can seem overwhelming, so probably not the best idea to dwell on something that cannot be changed overnight. Transition is a process, and the best way to be successful and happy is to develop a realistic plan that you will be able to achieve; even if it takes a decade or longer you will still get there if you truly desire it. For now, try to find comfort in your positive attributes, and visualize the changes that you would like to see in the future.

Things that you can start right now relatively free of charge; you can start develop your female voice, mannerisms, grow your hair, and many other things that only require an invest your time, and you will get amazing benefits.

[Janes Groove]

Maybe it might help to think of the worst case scenario with transitioning and asking oneself, "Well, can I deal with that?  And if I can deal with that then everything good that happens will just be a bonus."  I have had my low points because of the way society treats us if we don't conform to their image of how we should look,  I lived my 1st 6 months full-time without HRT support and got misgendered all the time, but I never have the lows any more that I experienced while living an inauthentic life as a man.  I was just a sad, old man with a secret that I was ready to take to my grave.

When I decided to transition my goal was not to be a pretty woman.  I honestly thought that I would never pass in a million years.  My main #1 goal was just that I wanted to live an authentic life where I didn't have to hide anything from anybody anymore and let the chips fall where they may.  I often revisit those feelings when things get tough.  Sort of like just checking in with my original impulse to transition.   And it's as true today as it was then.  I just don't want to live a lie anymore come what may.

Having said that, transition has been very good to me.  Practically miraculous.  But I never would have know it if I didn't take that chance and make that commitment to change. 

[AutumnGurl81]

I appreciate all the great perspective and encouragement (: It just sucks some days. I can't grow my hair or nails out because of work, and sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and see a women masked by the body of a man. While very small changes are happening, there's just certain things and days where I want to cry. I know everyone here has had or experienced something similar during their journey, and i totally appreciate it. Sometimes I just need to vent, and honestly, this is the biggest support group i have right now-as far as understanding from experience, compassion and sweet humans.

On a side note, I've noticed slight muscle reduction in my arms over the last week. Had my third laser session, ouch, lol. I'm slowly moving. I'm really looking forward to growing my hair and nails out, but that won't be for another six months. I've been working voice, pushing cutacles back everyday and keeping my nails trimmed nicely. I've been able to obsess less the last couple days, just excersizing and jerking my diet around, which has been going really well actually. I'll discontinue my rant now

[KarynMcD]

there's just certain things and days where I want to cry.

Since you are on HRT, do you see a pattern to these days?
You might want to mention it to your doctor/endo
When I switched to injections, I would get depressed a few days before my next injection. We adjusted my dosing and it stopped happening.

[Christy Lee]

ive used this a few times, the first time it made me look really feminine and i had short hair at the time but gave me really long feminine hair and more feminine facial features which made me smile but every time i keep going to go back to that again with newer pictures but it makes me look like a little girl? its weird i want it  to make me look beautiful like the first time

[AutumnGurl81]

Since you are on HRT, do you see a pattern to these days?
You might want to mention it to your doctor/endo
When I switched to injections, I would get depressed a few days before my next injection. We adjusted my dosing and it stopped happening.

It's more of a, I finally know who I am and what I want, but it feels almost impossible at times. I'll be okay in the long run, I think lol. I hope to one day look back on these posts of mine and laugh.

[Allison S]

Why can't you grow your hair and nails at work?

But going back to your initial post, and needing to vent, I feel the same way. I want to be over with this awkward stage. So I'm here a lot because I feel supported too.

And yay for progress! I had my 5th laser last week and honestly just feel like the hairs that were asleep are just growing back now. It sucks but I guess I just have a longer way to go.

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