My mom is gone.

[Julia1996]

Hi everyone.  About an hour ago I got an email from my mom telling me she had moved to Florida. Not that she was moving to Florida but that she already had. She sent Tyler a similar email.  She didn't send my dad an email  at all and he was just as surprised as we were that she had done it. It's just weird to me that she actually moved to another state without telling anyone she was going to do it.  In her email she said work had offered her a position in Florida and since I had turned the family against her she decided to accept the offer. It's no surprise she blames everything on me even though she pushed the family away from her all by herself by acting like a nut case.

Then she went on to say I had always loved my dad way more than I loved her and I never gave her any credit for everything she did for me growing up. She's totally right about my dad always being my favorite. I don't deny that and I don't feel bad over it. My dad was always very loving. She never was. And I truly don't remember her doing anything for my brother and I. When my dad wasn't working he's the one who did everything for us. He fed us, bathed us, took care of us when we were sick, etc. It was pretty much like he was a single parent. She also lies about stuff. She told me I was too little to remember how mean my dad was to me when I was little. That's total crap. My dad has never been mean to me, he never even spanked us. It kind of annoys me that my dad tries to make excuses for her behavior. Though she's given him lots of reasons to, he doesn't talk bad about her. He said that she has "issues". Yeah I know she does. He said a lot of her problems were because she had my brother and I so young. I didn't tell her to get pregnant at 17 and then again when she was 19. She did that herself. I also don't buy age as a reason for being a sorry parent. My dad was the same age but he was a good parent despite being so young. It's weird to think about the fact that when he was my age he already had 2 kids.

I'm not going to reply to her email though that's what she wants. If she can't start a fight in real time a cyber fight will work for her. Honestly I'm not sad or upset that she's gone. This sounds bad to say about my own mother but I'm actually relieved to have such a toxic person out of my life.

[sarah1972]

Wow. What an odd thing happening to you. It might be for the best having some distance to her. I am just shocked that even in her email she cannot stop verbally abusing you. You are such a sweet women, you deserve so much better.

Hugs

Sarah

[Christy Lee]

*hugs*
Honestly? it sounds like your going to be better off in the long run, its a hard thing to accept i know ive had that happen to me but i dont regret losing these people out of my life, it wasnt even a trans related thing these people are just narcissists and i dont miss these people that have gone from my life

Is it lonely? yes, is it better? also yes If people are only going to be negative to you and the decisions youve made there not worth it 2018 is going to be about ridding myself of negativity

But you still have other family members in your life, so think of it that way

[Colleen_definitely]

Wow that's sudden.  On the up side she can't just barge in and cause trouble in person as easily now.

Down side?  Well she's still your parent.  But not having this problem as close to being in your life as she was is going to be for the better.  If you're not terribly broken up over it I can't say that I blame you.  My mother is a similar lying abusive awful person and she isn't part of my life either.  Though that was my choice, not hers.

I doubt you'll have trouble avoiding her fight bait.  And I have to say your dad sounds like a pretty awesome guy.

[Jessica]

Julia, after all that you and your family have been through with your mother, it's good she moved.  Now you and yours can get on with being the loving family you all are.

[Laurie]

Hi Julia,

  I wholeheartedly agree with your views on the subject. The problems with your mother have never been yours and you know that. Your mother is looking for justification and/or sympathy when sh deserves none. Again I am happy to seee such a mature attitude in a modern day young person. Your Dad has raised a fine young lady.

Hugs,
   Laurie

[punky_glitter]

The problems with your mother has never been yours and you know that. Your mother is looking for justification and/or sympathy when she deserves none.

*clap clap* well said.
I do not think it's bad at all to say that you are glad she's gone. Some parents are like that. Maybe now your family can grow closer without her toxicity. Also, never got to tell you, you look BEAUTIFUL in your profile picture! I am so jealous of your eyeliner! Your dad sounds like a wonderful person, based off other stories that you've shared, including the one about an incident in wal mart  Best wishes. And remember, it's okay to still feel bad about it. Removing a toxic person is weird, you feel good, but also not.I've had similar experiences, my mom moved on a whim basically out of state after I went into foster care. If you need to talk to me I'm always here. It's a strange battlefield to go through.

[Lady Sarah]

Wow, for such a horrible person, she sure did make the lives of your father, brother, as well as yourself a whole lot easier. No more do you have to worry about getting hit by her. No more of her expecting you to move in with her. No more of her doing everything she can to make y'all miserable.

Live in Peace!

[Dena]

Be careful about what you think about your fathers motives. One of the worst things a parent can do is poison their children against other partner. It's far better to allow the children make their decision based on the evidence they see. The danger of speaking ill of your partner is it can backfire and the children may reject you as they get older. That's not likely in your case but your father couldn't have known that at first.

[Bari Jo]

I was actually thinking of Florida being an option to move, but not now that your mom is there!  Kidding, but seriously this made me happy reading your post.  I can absolutely see the rest of your family as happier and stronger with her gone.

Bari Jo

[natalie.ashlyne]

I am sorry your mom did that I dont know what else to say I am sorry Hugs

[amandam]

I think it's for the best, Julia. I had to write off my dad. I didn't cry when he died. I did lots of crying before for various reasons but by the time he passed, I was done.

[stephaniec]

sorry she is like that

[Kendra]

Julia I am sorry you have had to deal with all this for most of your life.  Some people and things may block us from achieving what we need, but you found ways to assert what is right and drive around the problem.

Only time will tell but some people really do change or at least mellow out as they age.  Note I said "some people" - it's not guaranteed, but there may be a day in the distant future when your mom and you can reconnect.  I know that sounds unimaginable right now but I have seen it happen.  In the meantime, the ratio of awesome people near you has improved. 

[kitchentablepotpourri]

Sorry you have to deal with this, your Mom sounds toxic, but she's still your Mom, so I can imagine it is very hard on you.

[Faith]

a situation with two sides. Perhaps distance will make things more tolerable where you (pl) could at least get to the point of civil discourse. From the sounds of it, and based on how I've seen you post, this will depend on her. If she closes the door, there's not much that you can do.

[Janes Groove]

Sorry you are experiencing this. As a fellow transwoman with a toxic mom all I can say is I feel you.
You're not alone.

[virtualverny]

i'm a firm believer that respect must be earned, no matter who the person is. sending lots and lots of love in your direction - sucky parents can be hard to deal with, no matter how indifferent you are regarding them.

[Ryuichi13]

I don't blame you for ridding yourself of such a toxic person.  I too am having to do so.  Lucky for me that toxic person is already in another state.

Sometimes, in order to move forward, you have to stop looking backwards.  It seems like your mom is so busy looking backwards that she can't look forwards and see thw beautiful young woman and handsome young man you and Tyler have become.

Her loss.

Also, not responding to her email is the mature thing to do.  Like you said, she sounds like she wants to start a cyber war.  It takes two to battle, so if you don't respond  she's just someone complaining.  Let her complain, and if need be, block her.  Hopefully it won't come to that, but the choice is completely on her.

Her move sounds like its for the best for all three of youx!

Ryuichi 

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[Allison S]

Your mom is fairly young hope she can start over. Her reactions seem like she's very hurt. I know because I've lived with a sociopath my entire life up until a few months ago and a sociopath shows no emotions. At least not towards others or their own children. But I've learned to forgive because good is all around in my life.

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