For the past six years, I have worked for a man of Indian descent and been his star employee. He repeatedly told me and others how valuable I was.
And then I came out to myself, and, gradually, to others. I started using my female name, and asking others to do so. I continued to present male – somewhat feminized, but not demonstratively so. The nature of the business is such that we virtually never saw each other, although he reviewed my paperwork, which, for the past month, has borne my female signature.
When I got my name changed legally, I emailed him to let him know, both before and after the fact. He didn't respond. He's done this before, when I've emailed him about something he found personally uncomfortable; I interact with the public a great deal, and I emailed him ten months ago about piercing my ears. He ignored it; and, when I confronted him with the issue, he was clearly uncomfortable. However, with my name change being legalized, there was paperwork that had to be completed; and, when I asked him about it, in an email, he ignored it.
Furthermore, since I started signing my paperwork with my female name, I haven't heard from him on the phone, either. Situations have arisen wherein his usual practice would be to call me, and he has not done so. On one occasion, he left me a note. He didn't write it himself; he had another employee transcribe it for him. This particular employee happens to be my oldest and staunchest ally – a cis woman with other transgender friends who knew I was trans before I came out formally. She would never deadname me. When I got the note, using my name AAB, I asked her who had written it. She looked uncomfortable, and said she had transcribed it just as our boss had directed her. I know she was thinking about the same thing I was. So: not only was my boss not accepting, he had become hostile to my manifesting as transgender. It was at this point that I knew something had to be done.
There is only one employee of his that I know of who has worked for him longer than I have; she is a manager at another business he owns. We haven't interacted very often, but we know who each other is. I called her, came out to her and told her what was going on. I told her that she was my last hope in dealing with this. She told me that our boss had actually raised this matter with her, some time ago; he had pretended he was referring to an employee of a friend of his. As luck would have it, this woman has a trans nephew and had been able to explain things to our boss; and, now that I had told her about myself, she knew that our boss had really been talking about me. She offered to call him and tell him I had spoken to her.
Later that day – Friday – she left a message on my answering machine. The tone told me more than anything she said. It was guarded: precise and careful. She said that our boss had said he very much wanted to talk to me, but not at the business where I work; he wants to see me on Monday at the business she manages. Although she is going to be there, I know my boss; he will want to speak to me alone, without witnesses. This is a man who doesn't let the law stand between him and what he wants.
I have a very bad feeling about this. I do not want to go into his office, have him condescend toward me as if I am some kind of degenerate, and lay down the law. I suspect that, regardless of what this manager has told him about the transgender experience, he probably sees it as a lifestyle, something I have a choice about, and will take the tack, "What you do on your own time is your business, but when you're on the job you'll look normal" – something like that.
My first instinct, after hearing he wants to meet with me on Monday, was to find other employment; and I went immediately to one of his competitors and applied. I'm sure that the lower-level management would like to hire me – I'm known, locally, in this industry – but they don't have the final say on hiring matters. The soonest I will hear anything from them is Monday. I'm hoping I can avoid meeting with my boss until I have heard from this company. If they do offer me a job, I'm quitting my current job on the spot.
I decided that, if I'm forced to take this meeting with my boss, I'm going en femme – wig, makeup, figure showing, heels, purse ... the whole nine yards, as they say. I'm not slinking into this bastard's office where he thinks he has the upper hand looking like he wants me to look. He can fire me; he can't make me ashamed of who I am unless I let him. And it will put him on the defensive.
I think I'll do my nails, as well.
Things don't look good for my continued employment at this company. We are not protected, where I live; and, as I said, this is a man who doesn't let things like the law stand between him and what he wants. If he wants to get rid of me, he will get rid of me.
I hope this other business offers me a position on Monday.
