Hello Ladies, been in a very dark place for the last couple weeks. Huge personal issues right before scheduled surgery and decided it was still now or never and went for it, srs and ffs and alone, overseas. Huge mistake? In a sense, yes, couldn't have bitten more off at one time if I tried. Grossly underestimated the difficulties of FFS added to srs and the language and cultural difference difficulties of overseas surgeries. Do able on holiday with friends, totally scary and frustrating when alone with huge injuries in spite of good efforts on the part of a clinic. Don't under estimate the importance of trying to get a Coke or something in the middle of the night to help you burp and get gas out of your stomach that is making you sick and throw up when you are most vulnerable and the nurse just keeps smiling and responding in some non-sensical manner over and over.
SRS is a piece of cake, or at least so far for me. No pain, lots of sensation down there and just general discomfort with the huge packing and such. You'll eat so little and evacuate so much before surgery that a week after you'll look like a POW you'll have lost so much weight. But very much not to be afraid of if you're sure.
FFS, on the other hand, is very painful and uncomfortable. Not just the many slices and stitches, but the bandages and headgear pull your face hither and fro in an attempt to get skin to take to new positions and stay there.
Uncomfortable and must be worn for about two months,from what I've been told.
Forget sleeping well, only if you're exhausted enough and then for short times. No matter how you lay, there's pressure on something, or something else in addition is being pulled. And on your back, only (lucked out here, started doing that when I was getting boobs).
All in all a truly miserable condition that had me ready to just check out several times during the first few days after surgery.
What saved me, aside from actually being in no condition to do anything about anything? Some very special people I first met on this site. Their kind words and strength and willingness to let me vent and still be supportive and encouraging with the many mails we have sent back and forth. I don't think much of the virtual world. Face book will never be the equal of touching face to face. Still, you take what you can get and there is no denying the emotional connection and spiritual energy that was exchanged in my darkest hours. It's kept me going so far.
Where are we now? Some milestone days coming up in just a few. Most all the rest of my facial stitches coming out, wash my hair and the headgear will seem less burdensome. Packing and bandages from srs will all be gone and so will an impediment to motion. Have to start doing some maintenance, but thats OK. Catheter in for another week before I'm free of the bag and can move outside the room and get back with people. I did get a chance to look at my face with gear off when they took 1/2 the stitches out a few days ago. Still lots of bandages and such, but it is different than before and in a way I like. I've started to eat regular food and slowly increasing quantity, In really need to fatten up now. Been off estradiol for a long time now and I can't wait to get back on soon as I get home. Still lots of problems to face on the home front when I return, but I am liking the person I see and that will help, along with continued talks with some of the wonderful ladies I have gotten to know a little and am greatly indebted to. Would I do it all again like this if I could choose again? The smart side of me says "hell no". But my heart knows that it was never really an option. Toni
