I get called she/ma'am by strangers and it bothers me...

[ShadowMT13]

I have a big problem with people who are so inconsiderate as to assume gender, I am trans f to m and I am sick and tired of people without half a brain thinking for some reason that I am a girl. Every time I asked family and friends why do they do this, they always respond on the terms of "I don't know, you don't look like a girl" is it just pure ignorance of jerks with low IQ or is it that something keeps making them think this? I don't understand it, how can I correct their stupidity without going nuts on these strangers that assume gender?



This is a recent picture of me I took.

[FinallyMichelle]

Our brains have shortcuts because there is too much information to process. This is one of them even if it stinks for us. It just takes time, the ma'ams will disappear along with the tells. Time and effort.

[ShadowMT13]

I do correct them, but I go over bored and act like they just murdered someone sometimes. I use to be a lot better and more polite with correcting people, but after so many times I tired of putting up with their crap and just starting being an ass to them because they would do this. What is your suggestion?

I can't keep letting my self loose it on people when they say this stuff.

[Jailyn]

Well you have to be patient with people. One of my customers assumed my breasts were pecs and was like "oh you're really strong." I just agreed with him. It would have taken too much effort to correct him. Now many don't mean anything by misgendering you or any of us. Pure just short cuts in our brains like mentioned that recognizes features as either feminine or masculine. I have done this on accident to cis gender individuals. There was one guy that approached me in my store from behind. He was really short and had a high voice for a man. I didn't turn around initially and was like "yes, ma'am how can I help you?" When I turned around I must have turned very bright red. So it's not meant as mean in most cases. You can politely correct them. I have done this with customers a few times. Cause yes you should correct them at least to an extent. Some I just let pass because of age or other things that I assume they won't get it. Correct them and move on. No sense in getting angry with them. Even when they do it out of disrespect because those people are looking for you to react. Patience and love is the way.

[FinallyMichelle]

I have felt like screaming sometimes myself. It may seem lame, I just left them behind. My family has always called me Michelle but they have problems with pronouns, I don't spend much time around them anymore. I changed jobs and moved. I am just another woman now and everyone I know and everyone I meet treats me that way, I can't go back to that crap from people who have known me forever.

It's been a very long time since I have lashed out so I am not sure that I can help you there.

My way of dealing with people who got the memo and didn't make an effort to change is probably not the best but honestly, I don't need them, we were not close. That is not normal I am sure.

It really is patience. Patience with yourself as much as them. We can't let ourselves be monsters but we can try not to be too hard on ourselves when we do lose it. Somehow, for whatever reason, it makes it easier next time not to freak out on someone.

[The Flying Lemur]

My advice is not to set much store by other people's reactions.  There's always going to be someone who has a problem with you, or isn't very observant, and you can't let that drive you crazy.  Other people's reactions didn't make you a guy, and they can't un-make you one.  You are who you are.

That said, it is really depressing to be misgendered.  I hate it too.  I deal with it through a combination of refusing to get upset over what I can't control and hoping that I pass better in the future.