I'm Monique from Hungary

[Monique_Mystrilles]

Hi!

I am new to here, registered only yesterday. I live in Hungary, Budapest which is not a nice place for transgender people. I am 45 years old, with wife and 2 children. My father was also transsexual who was died in an accident 4 years ago. Does anybody know something about inheritance of transgederism? My story started when I was 13 years old and I felt that something is different in my inner self than other guys. I begun to wear my mum dresses and I become crossdressers. In my 30's I felt that this is something more than crossdressing this is not about only the clothes. I visit a mental doctor (pschologyst) but in that time there was no any people who really was a professional of TS treatment. There were a lot of point of no return in my life but somehow there was always something that kept my away from starting the HRT. A year ago I committed a suicide without success. Few months ago I found a new therapist and got anti-depressants and tranquliziers and I can say I am fine. I have a clear picture what need to do, but now I have a big struggling with my wife who would like to keep the family together. I have been waiting a clinical expert's report for 3 weeks that is first step to allow me the starting of HRT. The biggest issue for me to choose either my family or HRT and new life.

Many thanks for reading my story
Monique

[V M]

Hi Monique 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that we offer to all new members to help them along

Things that you should read

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Hugs

V M

[Kendra]

Hello Monique, welcome to Susan's!

I don't have a good answer for your question regarding inheriting transgender characteristics, but I believe the most important thing is to determine who you truly are and make the best possible long term decisions.  Some people view being transgender as a negative thing, but this can also be viewed from a positive standpoint.  Some people who are intelligent and open minded may have a strong desire to take control of their own future.   

I am sorry to hear you lost your father in an accident. 

We have quite a few members who found they were able to reduce or stop anti-depressants after HRT had enough time to take effect.  And we have members who have found they require both.  This is an individual decision and should be based on your personal requirements and a doctor's care - just some additional information to consider.  Based on your recent history I am glad you are working with a clinical professional and I hope you can find true happiness.

I am MtF in the US.  When I came out to my parents last year (they are very traditional) I explained myself this way: biologists think roughly 7% - 10% of humans are left-handed.  In many countries the incidence of left-handed individuals has varied historically, sometimes less than 1% if nobody was allowed to be left-handed.  My 86-year old father thinks he might be left-handed but isn't sure.  When he was a child he was hit on the hand repeatedly any time he tried to write with his left hand.  When I explained transgender people face similar issues (although more severe) he suddenly understood my point.  People should not be ashamed of being left handed, or transgender, but society is only starting to understand the medical facts.   

We have members who have been able to maintain an existing marriage, but also cases where the other partner would not agree to the change.  Children make the decision more challenging but I have seen strong family connections maintained either way - it is possible if everyone communicates well.  These are difficult choices but my advice is to visualize the future.  If the current year is 2023 or 2028, what decisions will you wish you made in 2018?

Monique, a warm welcome to Susan's - and I am so glad you are here.

All the best,

Kendra

[Monique_Mystrilles]

Dear Kendra,

Many thanks for your kind inciting words. Unfortunatelly as far as I know the Hungarian government has been pending the legal name and sex changes since 2016. There are only 2 therapists who have few experiences with trans people. Anyway I already made the decision and will start the HRT ASAP. I am going to lose my job by the end of this month so this is the one my decision maker fact. Another one is my wife who is totally upset and angry with me. There is nothing to lose for me now, either I will commit the second suicide attempt or begin a new life. I'm going to give a try to second optiion. I really feel this place as my "home" where I can find people who can accept and love me as I am.

Sorry for my English, big hug to all of You
Monique

[Kendra]

Your English language skills are totally fine - I admire those who can communicate and write in more than one language.  I know a bit of Japanese and French but nowhere near your skill level. 

I am sorry to hear your home situation isn't good.  In the long term, people who are initially hostile have been known to gradually understand and accept someone who transitions - I have seen it happen.  But in the meantime, please know we are here for you and many of us have faced very difficult times. 

If you have the time I'll suggest one member's story I found so insipring - MTF in need of help.  Her initial posts were under her name Cynthia, changed her name later to Rachel.  The posts take awhile to read (large number) but shows someone faced with so many difficulties and gradually building a great future from what seemed like an impossible starting point.