Maybe, probably really. I am incredibly timid about doing things on my own, especially when there is a 100% chance that I will end up talking to people. I am sure some of the people from the group that I have gone to a few times will be there. I don't know, they kinda blew me off at last year's pride. We are just not friends, I don't want to go with them and feel trapped into sticking with them, so it is not like there is anything wrong with them.
I have been stressing for a couple of days about it. I seriously doubt that anyone would know that I am an introvert, I talk and smile all the time and will talk to someone new in a heartbeat. It is because I have to though, uncomfortable awkwardness is as bad for me as arguing. Unless they are good at talking to strangers I will always take the lead because most people are horrible at random conversation. It's not possible for me to explain how important it is for me to have the area around me cohesive and the people comfortable. I am good at making people at ease, I don't know why, so I make the effort every time and usually it works. In person anyway, if I can see them and hear them. Sometimes people will latch on to me because of that though, well also in a large group I will usually make the effort to get the most introverted, awkward, uncomfortable person to relax and stop screwing with my serenity. Those people are generally needing friends and since I don't believe that I am better than anyone and it is obvious that I am not going to hurt anyone they sometimes dig in. I don't mind, really, but it locks me in when I seriously need to be on the fring. I am kind of a mess huh?
Also there are soooooooo many options! Thursday, Friday and Saturday all three or one or two days? Do everything or no? The gala! I don't have a dress! I don't know how to do makeup! I CAN'T DANCE! Seriously, if I meet anyone here and we become friends, don't bother asking. The first and only time I have danced, other than slow dancing, in public was 9th grade homecoming. They made fun of me for dancing like a girl. Wait, making fun seem almost playful it definitely was not playful. I didn't realize that more than 100 people around me were just watching me until the music stopped and the dj said, "Well she is having a good time." I was just having fun with my friends, the other misfit toys, they had always ignored us before. Also everyone was afraid of my older brother... but he laughed so they laughed, all of them. The rest of the night they laughed, the next week they laughed. They laughed until I made them stop. So... I don't dance. I live really close too, do I stay there anyway? The evening stuff sounds like fun! Do I have enough money for that? I know that everyone has a problem when presented with too many options, with me it is one of the blind spots in my brain. When I try to figure out what I want to do I can't hold on to any of it, it's empty.
Sorry, all of those are my problems and I should keep them to myself. But I am stressing.
I hope to see some of you there.
