Susan's Place Logo

News:

Visit our Discord server  and Wiki

Main Menu

On Becoming Julie

Started by JulieAllana, February 21, 2018, 10:23:36 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

KathyLauren

Quote from: JulieAllana on June 19, 2018, 12:03:34 PMI mean it isn't a feeling of not wanting to transition, just the absence of a strong desire to.
Be careful to distinguish "not wanting to" from "wanting not to".  In casual speech, it is easy to get those mixed up, but they are two different things.  It is possible that you do not have a strong desire to transition (though the rest of your post makes it sound like you do), but that does not mean that you want to avoid transition.  Which would be a perfectly valid choice, but it doesn't sound to me like you are there.

We all get fears and doubts.  Even after a year and a half on HRT and more than a year of RLE, I still wonder from time to time, "Who am I kidding?"  But the doubts fade, because the reality is that I have to do this for my own sanity.  It doesn't take me long to come to my senses after the doubts arise, but that doesn't stop them from arising. 

You just need to remind yourself of all the reasons you told your therapist why you thought you were trans in the first place.  It is unlikely that you were wrong about them.

Quote
HR has policies protecting transgender employees against discrimination, but I have co-workers who have made off-color remarks previously and the inevitable change in the work dynamic and environment has me quite worried.
Off-colour remarks are easy to make when they believe that no one within earshot will be affected.  The fact that HR has policies already in place means that those remarks are likely to stop when you come out to HR.  From reading posts here, when someone comes out to HR in a company with supportive policies, it is normal for HR to have a briefing for all staff, basically saying that that crap needs to stop and that disciplinary action will be taken if it doesn't.

Good luck with your HRT.  Enjoy the ride!
2015-07-04 Awakening; 2015-11-15 Out to self; 2016-06-22 Out to wife; 2016-10-27 First time presenting in public; 2017-01-20 Started HRT!!; 2017-04-20 Out publicly; 2017-07-10 Legal name change; 2019-02-15 Approval for GRS; 2019-08-02 Official gender change; 2020-03-11 GRS; 2020-09-17 New birth certificate
  •  

JulieAllana

Since I am trying to keep my thread more up to date, here goes nothing. 

The Wife:
   
    We have been separated for about the last year, for issues unrelated to trans-ness.  She moved out last April and in January, I filed for divorce because things were getting literally crazy (she has struggled with some mental health and substance abuse issues).  It isn't that I don't love and care for her, but she is the one who moved out and she had been very hostile.  When some things that had transpired came to light, I felt like I had to protect myself both mentally and financially by filing. 

    So, now after three trips to the psych ward and her medications being heavily adjusted, she is walking and talking like a very different person.  This other person doesn't want to get divorced and wants to try to work things out because she is still in love with me.  Oy!  Yes, she knows I am transgender and am transitioning to female.  She isn't a lesbian and isn't crazy about the idea, but she still wants to try to work it out.

     I was kinda getting used to the idea of getting on with my life, but for some reason, I don't just want to quit either, but I feel like this is going against my better judgement.  Anyway, I told her that she has much trust to regain and that we basically need to start over and rebuild the relationship from the ground up.  She is ok with that so we went on a date.

      We went to the movie last week, me dressed up as Julie.  The date part was fine, but me dressing up was super stressful.  It was a late show and the theater was pretty bare, but I felt like every head was turned my way and I was incredibly self-conscious.  I usually only get dressed for my support group meetings and my therapist which aren't any problem for me at all, even going out with the ladies after the support meeting for coffee.  I guess it is the safety in numbers effect. 

      I would feel so much better if I were at a stage where there was even the possibility of male fail, but without all of the makeup there ain't much hope for me yet. 

      I should get my letter this weekend though and I can finally get this show on the road. 
       
        Julie
     
1/4/18 - Admission to self of trans - Start of transition
2/10/18 - First time out in public
2/12/18 - Ears Pierced
2/16/18 - Started Laser Hair removal on face
7/4/18 - Down 101 pounds since 1/4/18.  Maybe start HRT at 210-15
9/22/18 - Weighed in @207 (down 113 lbs) this morning.
10/1/18 - Started HRT


  •  

BrianaJ

Hi Julie,

I can certainly understand your concern regarding getting back together with your wife.  Mental health issues & substance abuse issues can be difficult for everyone involved.   Controlling both are a fight everyday.  I'll share my thoughts coming from the perspective of an experienced healthcare provider and what I've learned over time.   

I think for things to go in a positive direction, it's important that your wife follow through with her treatment and therapy.  It's so typical that when one feels better they start to think they don't need their meds etc. and the cycle starts again.  Or they self-adjust their meds and create a whole different kind of problem.

Likewise with substance abuse.  Once one is on that road to recovery and they start to feel better - stronger, that little thought creeps into their head that they can control "it" this time.  And "BAM" - back to the beginning.  It's like thinking you can go at least a round with that world champ boxer/MMA fighter and survive or not get knocked out.  As soon as one steps into that ring, it's over.  Yet some do it over and over and over. 

You probably know all that already.  In my experience, what I've observed is that things tend to improve and continue in a good direction when all those close to the patient are involved with their therapy and continued recovery.   It can be a tough road to walk for all involved.  It takes strength, determination, and lots of mental willpower. 

Besides dealing with your own transition and all that it can bring, I think you're going to have to prepare yourself to also help her.  I personally think that you'll have to be very clear with her on what you expect - what you have to see from her.  I also think you have to let her know that you'll be there with her to help her and support her through the rough times and that you're going to be an active participant in her mental health & substance abuse.

Best of luck!
~~Be kind~~
  •  

JulieAllana

Quote from: BrianaJ on June 27, 2018, 09:44:34 AM
You probably know all that already.  In my experience, what I've observed is that things tend to improve and continue in a good direction when all those close to the patient are involved with their therapy and continued recovery.   It can be a tough road to walk for all involved.  It takes strength, determination, and lots of mental willpower. 

Yes, I have seen the cycle several times, both with the addiction part and the mental health part.  It is tragic to watch.

Quote from: BrianaJ on June 27, 2018, 09:44:34 AM
I personally think that you'll have to be very clear with her on what you expect - what you have to see from her.  I also think you have to let her know that you'll be there with her to help her and support her through the rough times and that you're going to be an active participant in her mental health & substance abuse.


I think you are dead on here.  It seems cold and calculating, but I think there has to be a standard of behavior that needs to be met or the jig is up.  Just saying that makes my heart ache because I start thinking, "why is this time different?"  I can see the future where she falls off the wagon again and I have to make that horrible decision to move on.

        Julie

1/4/18 - Admission to self of trans - Start of transition
2/10/18 - First time out in public
2/12/18 - Ears Pierced
2/16/18 - Started Laser Hair removal on face
7/4/18 - Down 101 pounds since 1/4/18.  Maybe start HRT at 210-15
9/22/18 - Weighed in @207 (down 113 lbs) this morning.
10/1/18 - Started HRT


  •  

JulieAllana

On a lighter note, last night we went to the movies again. 

I was still dressed up from my therapist's meeting and even though I am still highly self-conscious about being in public, I just said F it...if people are going to look at me they are going to look at me and there isn't a damned thing I can do about it. 

On the way home from the therapist, I stopped off at Whole Foods to get some yogurt on sale that I like and didn't have too much apprehension.  The worst part for me was when I had to speak to the cashier to give her my phone # for my Amazon prime 10% discount.  I have been working on my voice and people tell me it is good, but I am still very uneasy about it, but the cashier didn't blink an eye or anything. 

After that, my wife picked me up and off to the movies.  For some reason the one we wanted wasn't playing even though it was up on the web site so we wound up seeing Incredibles 2.  It was cute, but not as good as the first one in my opinion.  It was the late show, so it wasn't particularly crowded but I didn't notice anyone overtly staring at me.  I guess I should consider this a win :)

             Julie
1/4/18 - Admission to self of trans - Start of transition
2/10/18 - First time out in public
2/12/18 - Ears Pierced
2/16/18 - Started Laser Hair removal on face
7/4/18 - Down 101 pounds since 1/4/18.  Maybe start HRT at 210-15
9/22/18 - Weighed in @207 (down 113 lbs) this morning.
10/1/18 - Started HRT


  •  

Northern Star Girl

Quote from: JulieAllana on June 27, 2018, 11:46:59 AM
On a lighter note, last night we went to the movies again. 

I was still dressed up from my therapist's meeting and even though I am still highly self-conscious about being in public, I just said F it...if people are going to look at me they are going to look at me and there isn't a damned thing I can do about it.
Julie: Exactly the right approach....  if they look and stare at you, and even if they make a disparaging comment... ignore them, don't reply, just put a big smile on your face, hold your head high and walk away.

QuoteOn the way home from the therapist, I stopped off at Whole Foods to get some yogurt on sale that I like and didn't have too much apprehension.  The worst part for me was when I had to speak to the cashier to give her my phone # for my Amazon prime 10% discount.  I have been working on my voice and people tell me it is good, but I am still very uneasy about it, but the cashier didn't blink an eye or anything.

Well... that is good news and very affirming for you....
...and a boost to your confidence regarding your appearance and your voice!!!!   I am very happy for you. 

QuoteAfter that, my wife picked me up and off to the movies.  For some reason the one we wanted wasn't playing even though it was up on the web site so we wound up seeing Incredibles 2.  It was cute, but not as good as the first one in my opinion.  It was the late show, so it wasn't particularly crowded but I didn't notice anyone overtly staring at me.  I guess I should consider this a win :)

             Julie

@JulieAllana
Yes, Dear Julie..... definitely a win...

In fact your entire update is a big win for you and a wonderful report for you to share with your readers and followers.....   
...and regarding your readers and followers...  I want to speak on everyone's behalf:  THANK YOU for updating us more frequently regarding your transition journey... always feel free to report BOTH the good and the bad.   
With the good news we can rejoice with you and certainly others reading your good news will be encouraged by what you have to say. 
With the bad news... as your biggest fans here on the Forums, we can hug and support you, and comfort you and perhaps help you realize that you are never alone with those kinds of experiences that all of us have faced or will be facing.

Thank you again for your update to your thread.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
****Help support this website by:
Subscribing !     and/or by    Donating !

❤️❤️❤️  Check out my Personal Blog Threads below
to read more details about me and my life.
  ❤️❤️❤️
             (Click Links below):  [Oldest first]
  Aspiringperson is now Alaskan Danielle    
           I am the Hunted Prey : Danielle's Chronicles    
                  A New Chapter: Alaskan Danielle's Chronicles    
                             Danielle's Continuing Life Adventures
I started HRT March 2015 and
I've been Full-Time since December 2016.
I love living in a small town in Alaska
I am 45 years old and Single

        Email:  --->  alaskandanielle@
                             yahoo.com
  •  

JulieAllana

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on June 27, 2018, 12:07:05 PM
With the bad news... as your biggest fans here on the Forums, we can hug and support you, and comfort you and perhaps help you realize that you are never alone with those kinds of experiences that all of us have faced or will be facing.

Thanks for your kind words, Danielle.  I guess I just didn't want to keep having the same bad update over and over again as I kinda found myself in a rut.  I mean, continuous updates of "more of the same" just didn't seem too noteworthy.  Also, I am not sure how many followers I have, haha! 

    Peace!
          Julie
1/4/18 - Admission to self of trans - Start of transition
2/10/18 - First time out in public
2/12/18 - Ears Pierced
2/16/18 - Started Laser Hair removal on face
7/4/18 - Down 101 pounds since 1/4/18.  Maybe start HRT at 210-15
9/22/18 - Weighed in @207 (down 113 lbs) this morning.
10/1/18 - Started HRT


  •  

Northern Star Girl

Quote from: JulieAllana on June 27, 2018, 12:51:43 PM
Thanks for your kind words, Danielle.  I guess I just didn't want to keep having the same bad update over and over again as I kinda found myself in a rut.  I mean, continuous updates of "more of the same" just didn't seem too noteworthy. Also, I am not sure how many followers I have, haha! 

    Peace!
          Julie

@JulieAllana
Dear Julie:   Rest assured, you do indeed have readers and followers of you and your thread. 
Please know and bear in mind there are many that read and follow but they will never post a reply thread.  You will never know how many of those that you have encouraged (with both the good and bad news) with your updates and your postings.

My thought on my own threads is that if members follow them and post comments letting me know how my threads affect them... that is all good....   if no one comments, that is OK too... I am still helping myself by writing things out on my thread... it is in fact a personal therapy tool... to write out the things we are dealing with. 

For very personal stuff I keep a pen and paper journal complete with silly doodling.   Again, good personal therapy plus reviewing entrees later on, even months or years later, can be very helpful in revealing my success or failures in the way that I handled my issues of the day.  Plus on some of my old entrees I can laugh at myself... and at times it is personally entertaining reading too.

So, bottom line, your thread is for YOU... if  members read it or don't read it, that is not important and is not the issue....  the important thing is that your thread helps you....
Hugs,
Danielle
****Help support this website by:
Subscribing !     and/or by    Donating !

❤️❤️❤️  Check out my Personal Blog Threads below
to read more details about me and my life.
  ❤️❤️❤️
             (Click Links below):  [Oldest first]
  Aspiringperson is now Alaskan Danielle    
           I am the Hunted Prey : Danielle's Chronicles    
                  A New Chapter: Alaskan Danielle's Chronicles    
                             Danielle's Continuing Life Adventures
I started HRT March 2015 and
I've been Full-Time since December 2016.
I love living in a small town in Alaska
I am 45 years old and Single

        Email:  --->  alaskandanielle@
                             yahoo.com
  •  

Chelsea

Quote from: JulieAllana on June 27, 2018, 12:51:43 PM
Thanks for your kind words, Danielle.  I guess I just didn't want to keep having the same bad update over and over again as I kinda found myself in a rut.  I mean, continuous updates of "more of the same" just didn't seem too noteworthy.  Also, I am not sure how many followers I have, haha! 

    Peace!
          Julie

Julie I'm here following you and know how being in a rut feels like. The one I'm in feels like its a mile deep. lol
I'm looking forward to your updates. :)

Hugs,
      Chelsea
First Therapy Appointment 2-26-18
Came Out To Sister 2-27-18
First Endocrinologist Appointment 3-7-18
Started HRT! 3-7-18
First Voice Therapy Appointment 4-23-18
Came out to my Brother!!!! 5-3-18
Came out to MOM!!!! 5-17-18


  •  

pamelatransuk

Hello Julie

I am glad you are rekindling your relationship with your wife who I think now accepts you and that you have been with her to the movies twice.

I am pleased your therapy is proceeding and please try not to worry if you're in a rut as we all feel that way sometimes and frankly in many cases that is due to the fact that we have to wait and wait and wait on this journey.

Wishing you continued future success on your journey.

Hugs

Pamela


  •  

Laurie

 Hi Julie,

  I am sorry to read about the challenges with your wife. I am no one to give you advice on marital relationships due to the mess I made with mine. So I won't offer any advice there, I will commend you for trying to keep it together though.
  As for getting out in public... Hun, that is the way you get used to doing it. You get out there are do it. I did it similar to you by going to therapy dressed and into a store a few times. Then I went to visit a friend on a pride weekend and I was out in public as Laurie for 2 days even helping carry a rainbow banner towards the front of their parade! As if that wasn't enough Try going on a 5 week road trip enfemme except for two days. That did it I count my full time from a day not even halfway into it when I last wore my male clothes.
  It really does get easier to do the more you do it girl. You will get the hang of it.

Hugs,
  Laurie
April 13, 2019 switched to estradiol valerate
December 20, 2018    Referral sent to OHSU Dr Dugi  for vaginoplasty consult
December 10, 2018    Second Letter VA Psychiatric Practical nurse
November 15, 2018    First letter from VA therapist
May 11, 2018 I am Laurie Jeanette Wickwire
May   3, 2018 Submitted name change forms
Aug 26, 2017 another increase in estradiol
Jun  26, 2017 Last day in male attire That's full time I guess
May 20, 2017 doubled estradiol
May 18, 2017 started electrolysis
Dec   4, 2016 Started estradiol and spironolactone



  •  

JulieAllana

Wife:
     So, the divorce is at a point where it can be in limbo for 2 years.  I am at the point where all I have to do is petition the court for a divorce and it's a done deal and I have 2 years to do this.  With the latest round of paperwork, my wife was just about in tears because she doesn't want to call it quits.  I don't exactly either.  I love her, but she has caused such heartache and pain over the last few years. The difference now is that she is admitting the detriment of her past behavior and wants to make changes and amends.  She wants to get a job and start going back to marriage counseling.  I am game.  Of course my judgement is flawed here and I am historically the sort of person that will throw good money after bad, but I feel like I just can't turn my back on her. 

Trans:
     I got my endo letter.  I read it and it just hit me so hard, "ready to start medical transition".  It seems so ominous when I read it like that, like it is some sort of oneway road.  I mean, it is and it isn't.  The changes don't happen overnight and if I feel wrong inside when I take them I can always stop, but it is probably the other scenario that scares me more.  If I like the changes and feelings (which I am pretty sure I will), then the rest of my life has to start changing as well.  Confronting all of my co-workers at work scares me the most perhaps, but there are also family members that I am not looking forward to coming out to. 

      The idea of telling people that what they *know* is me, isn't really me and that I am something else is off-putting.  I also don't like the conceptual idea that John is dying so that Julie can live because John is Julie and Julie is John with just a different outward expression. 

      I mean, when I shaved my beard of 15 years, people at work were like shocked (I had also lost like 50 pounds at the time) because they just about didn't recognize me.  After a couple of times seeing them though they just see me and not the me without a beard. (funny sidenote: the receptionist at the theraspist I go to EVERY WEEK didn't notice that I had shaved.  she knew something was different, but couldn't put her finger on it.)  Will it be the same when I start showing up as Julie, people just adjust to the new you?  God the thought of it all makes me so anxious.

      The idea of coming out to family is stressful, but perhaps in a different way.  Really we are talking about my dad, brother and his family as well as two cousins and their families.  The cousins families are all somewhat religious (one cousin-in-law is even a preacher) which makes me really wonder how they will take it.  My dad is kind of an unknown factor here, I never know if he will zig or zag because he has always marched to his own tune and my brother has always been judgemental and is something of a control freak.  I know he will think this has something to do with my marital problems.  I know though that he has been speculating what is going on with me (weight loss, shaved legs/arms/beard, ear studs) and that he even tossed out the trans? question with his wife (my aunt overheard that conversation and told me).  So maybe it really won't be a shock and he will have had some time to get used to the idea.  My aunt thought the same thing about my trans-ness being caused by marital issues, which I think I have disabused her of by now.

      Anyway, once I start hormones, I will have a little bit of time before I have to confront any of these people.  I still have to schedule my endo consult and I want to bank some sperm before I start and I am not keen on spending the not insignificant amount of money required to bank sperm so I have a few weeks probably at the minimum before I can even fill a prescription.  Anyone have any recommendations on sperm banking companies?

         Thanks for ready,
                             Julie
1/4/18 - Admission to self of trans - Start of transition
2/10/18 - First time out in public
2/12/18 - Ears Pierced
2/16/18 - Started Laser Hair removal on face
7/4/18 - Down 101 pounds since 1/4/18.  Maybe start HRT at 210-15
9/22/18 - Weighed in @207 (down 113 lbs) this morning.
10/1/18 - Started HRT


  •  

Madeline

Hi Julie,
I am a boy who is considering transitioning to female and wants to start cross dressing soon. I just read all your posts and your really inspiring. Hopefully I will start becoming Maria soon!
Thanks so much and best of luck!
X Marie
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[They say to live life to its fullest, but are you even living if your not really you?]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  •  

JulieAllana

     I made an appointment with an endo...TWO MONTHS, sheesh.  I don't want to wait two months just for a consult. I know that compared to some places that two months is nothing and that time flies, but I was thinking like next week, heh.  I might try finding another endo that can fit me in earlier, but the one I made my appointment with is well regarded in the local trans community.  Anyway, another two months will give me time to get my weight down some more. 

     On the 4th of July which is the six month anniversary of changing my diet, I am down 101 pounds and 12 inches off of my belly.  I have been taking my weight loss for granted, but when I stand back and look at how much I have lost it really seems astounding.  That is like 16 pounds a month, but the month of May was pretty much a loss as I hit a major plateau which makes it closer to 20 pounds per month or 5 pounds per week in weeks that I was actually losing.  My little diet app on my phone won't even let you set a goal of more than about 2 lbs/week (1kg/week).  When I started my weight loss journey, I was expecting it to take me over a year.  I have not weighed this little (if 219 is little) since I was in 10th grade. 

     My current goal based on my latest body fat scan is around 205 which puts me at 15% body fat.  I wonder what hormones will do to my lean muscle mass and how that will affect my overall weight at the end of all of this.  I would be happier with slimmer legs.  My legs have very little fat on them currently and just the muscles are HUGE, I guess I will see. 

     If anyone is interested in how I have lost so much weight, I will go over how I have done it.  DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical or dietary specialist and anything I say here is not advice but merely my own methodology based on information that I have gleaned from sources mostly on the internet.

    First, I started exercising daily.  Since I was so heavy, I opted for the lower impact motions of the elliptical trainer at Planet Fitness ($10/month, open 24 hrs).  I selected the cardio option which monitors your heart rate and adjusts the difficulty accordingly to keep you in the correct heart range.  The duration of my workout was an hour (highest the machine would let me select).  I would stretch before and after each workout.  My workouts generally start at night between the hours of 9:30 and 10:30.

     Second, I shifted to a low carb ketogenic diet.  I tried to keep my net carbs below 20 grams per day.  I had dieted on low carb diets before and seen really good results, but I would always lose my motivation and go back to overeating (the emotional comforts of junk food are just too good and what did I need to be skinny for, life sucked).  The science behind low carb diets is really kinda cool and I would highly advise anyone looking to try a ketogenic diet to understand how the diet actually helps them lose weight.  There were really two documentaries that really helped me get the picture about exactly how awful refined sugars are:  "Sugar Busted" available on Netflix and "The Skinny on Obesity" available on YouTube. 

     Third, Calorie restriction.  I tried to keep my calories under 1500 calories per day.  In the beginning this was EASY but got harder the more I lost weight.  I hit my first plateau in the 270's and then again in the 230's.  Some will warn of muscle loss with calorie restricted diets, but apparently, keto diets are very muscle sparing in this regard.  Based on my body fat analysis that I had done in May, I had lost 90 pounds and only 10 of that was muscle.  I'll take that ratio any day, especially since I want to be less bulky at the end of the day.

     Lastly, I started engaging in intermittent fasting which is what has helped me get over the plateaus.  As with keto diets, there is a wealth of information on intermittent fasting and I would highly advise becoming familiar with the science of fasting before starting.  I would skip a meal or two which would put my body in the fasted state for 12-24 hours during which all of my energy consumption would come from stored fat reserves in my body.  It has been VERY empowering to realize that even after not eating for up to 3 days (my longest fast) that I am not starving.  Indeed, when I broke my 3 day fast, I wasn't even hungry.  When fasting, it is important to still consume water and vitamins/minerals and especially electrolytes. 

     As involved as all of that is, my biggest challenge in this endeavor (and most throughout my life) has been one of motivation.  When I am motivated, I move mountains.  When I am not, I am a lazy bum.  Here's to staying motivated!

     Ok, well that was a mouthful, I hope that post wasn't too long.  Feel free to ask any questions that I might have not answered.

              Julie
1/4/18 - Admission to self of trans - Start of transition
2/10/18 - First time out in public
2/12/18 - Ears Pierced
2/16/18 - Started Laser Hair removal on face
7/4/18 - Down 101 pounds since 1/4/18.  Maybe start HRT at 210-15
9/22/18 - Weighed in @207 (down 113 lbs) this morning.
10/1/18 - Started HRT


  •  

JudiBlueEyes

Congratulations Julie on all that you're accomplishing.  I hope you and your wife can find common ground and all will be well.  Your exercise and diet regimen sound like a well thought out plan that's really working well for you.  Great! 

Keep up the good work.
Judi
But now old friends they're acting strange
They shake their heads, they say I've changed
Well something's lost, but something's gained
In living every day.
  •  

Northern Star Girl

@JulieAllana
Wow-wheee..... that is a wonderful report about your weight loss progress.   What an accomplishment so far, certainly demonstrates that you have a lot of determination and willpower.   Kudos are in order for you.
When you feel the time is right for you and you are comfortable doing it, pictures would be a nice addition to one of your updates in the future.

Again, kudos to you.... Congratulations!!!
Please keep your updates coming.  Your readers and followers are a curious bunch and we want to know!!!
Hugs,
Danielle


****Help support this website by:
Subscribing !     and/or by    Donating !

❤️❤️❤️  Check out my Personal Blog Threads below
to read more details about me and my life.
  ❤️❤️❤️
             (Click Links below):  [Oldest first]
  Aspiringperson is now Alaskan Danielle    
           I am the Hunted Prey : Danielle's Chronicles    
                  A New Chapter: Alaskan Danielle's Chronicles    
                             Danielle's Continuing Life Adventures
I started HRT March 2015 and
I've been Full-Time since December 2016.
I love living in a small town in Alaska
I am 45 years old and Single

        Email:  --->  alaskandanielle@
                             yahoo.com
  •  

Chelsea

Congrats Julie!  I've been waiting on this day. :) I'm so excited for you hun.

Hugs,
        Chelsea
First Therapy Appointment 2-26-18
Came Out To Sister 2-27-18
First Endocrinologist Appointment 3-7-18
Started HRT! 3-7-18
First Voice Therapy Appointment 4-23-18
Came out to my Brother!!!! 5-3-18
Came out to MOM!!!! 5-17-18


  •  

JulieAllana

OK, Danielle.  You asked for PICS, here they are.  They are all plain in guy mode unfortunately, but that is what I got for weight loss pictures.
   
   
   
 
1/4/18 - Admission to self of trans - Start of transition
2/10/18 - First time out in public
2/12/18 - Ears Pierced
2/16/18 - Started Laser Hair removal on face
7/4/18 - Down 101 pounds since 1/4/18.  Maybe start HRT at 210-15
9/22/18 - Weighed in @207 (down 113 lbs) this morning.
10/1/18 - Started HRT


  •  

JulieAllana

     So, other than weight loss pics, not too much going on here with me.  Just working for the man.  I have mostly been ok in the head with the occasional bout of what the hell am I doing and is this right for me.  Then I think about my endo appointment in September and get excited.  I think the continued anxiousness is still around the coming out to the world part of things.

     My brother knows something is up.  He was over at my house last week and he was being a bit nosy.  He also saw my new bike and I have these LED lights that go around the spoke so that you can be seen at night.  I chose the multi-colored string of LEDs just because I couldn't decide on a single color.  It has pink and blue and green and white LEDs and he asked, "what, they didn't have one with just a single color?"  I figure he was thinking I chose rainbow and maybe he is thinking I am gay. 

     Anyway, I am waiting on telling the rest of my family until I have a little bit of time on HRT and am more sure about my feelings.  It is so strange because I have had less dysphoria of late about being trans which makes me question everything.  I am so fearful of creating chaos in my wake with loved ones. 

     On the spouse side of the house.  We are still living apart, but trying to spend more time together.  She is still trying to get her head straight, but she is very hard on herself.  We are in the process of getting her moved out of the place she has rented so that she can save some money living with her parents for a spell.  She plans on getting a job soon which will help build her confidence.  I still have very conflicted feelings about getting back together.  I guess for me conflicted feelings are just par for the course. 

       Well, back to work.  Gotta pay them bills.

         Thanks, for reading,
                                Julie
1/4/18 - Admission to self of trans - Start of transition
2/10/18 - First time out in public
2/12/18 - Ears Pierced
2/16/18 - Started Laser Hair removal on face
7/4/18 - Down 101 pounds since 1/4/18.  Maybe start HRT at 210-15
9/22/18 - Weighed in @207 (down 113 lbs) this morning.
10/1/18 - Started HRT


  •  

Northern Star Girl

Quote from: JulieAllana on July 23, 2018, 11:25:16 AM
     So, other than weight loss pics, not too much going on here with me.  Just working for the man.  I have mostly been ok in the head with the occasional bout of what the hell am I doing and is this right for me.  Then I think about my endo appointment in September and get excited.  I think the continued anxiousness is still around the coming out to the world part of things.

     My brother knows something is up.  He was over at my house last week and he was being a bit nosy.  He also saw my new bike and I have these LED lights that go around the spoke so that you can be seen at night.  I chose the multi-colored string of LEDs just because I couldn't decide on a single color.  It has pink and blue and green and white LEDs and he asked, "what, they didn't have one with just a single color?"  I figure he was thinking I chose rainbow and maybe he is thinking I am gay. 

     Anyway, I am waiting on telling the rest of my family until I have a little bit of time on HRT and am more sure about my feelings.  It is so strange because I have had less dysphoria of late about being trans which makes me question everything.  I am so fearful of creating chaos in my wake with loved ones. 

     On the spouse side of the house.  We are still living apart, but trying to spend more time together.  She is still trying to get her head straight, but she is very hard on herself.  We are in the process of getting her moved out of the place she has rented so that she can save some money living with her parents for a spell.  She plans on getting a job soon which will help build her confidence.  I still have very conflicted feelings about getting back together.  I guess for me conflicted feelings are just par for the course. 

       Well, back to work.  Gotta pay them bills.

         Thanks, for reading,
                                Julie

@JulieAllana
Wow, Julie,  I can really see the results of your weight loss program, especially in your face and neck.   Keep on keeping on... you are doing great.

Oh yeah, your readers and followers are very familiar with what you stated:
"I have mostly been ok in the head with the occasional bout of what the hell am I doing and is this right for me.  Then I think about my endo appointment in September and get excited.  I think the continued anxiousness is still around the coming out to the world part of things."

Interesting about your curious brother... do you think that he will tip off the rest of your family before you do your official coming-out announcement?   If so, that might make things a whole lot easier.

As I have mentioned to other married transtioners on various threads.... certainly transitioning is a difficult thing to get our  heads around, BUT for the married partner is has to be one of the most difficult gauntlet to get a handle on.
In the case of a MTF.... the wife fell in love with and married a man years ago and now the partner has to deal with the difficult mental adjustment of being married to a woman....   very difficult for sure... patience, support and understanding is needed for sure.
Have you two gone to couples therapy yet??

Wishing you well Julie.... thanks for posting your weight loss progress pictures and for updating your thread. 
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
****Help support this website by:
Subscribing !     and/or by    Donating !

❤️❤️❤️  Check out my Personal Blog Threads below
to read more details about me and my life.
  ❤️❤️❤️
             (Click Links below):  [Oldest first]
  Aspiringperson is now Alaskan Danielle    
           I am the Hunted Prey : Danielle's Chronicles    
                  A New Chapter: Alaskan Danielle's Chronicles    
                             Danielle's Continuing Life Adventures
I started HRT March 2015 and
I've been Full-Time since December 2016.
I love living in a small town in Alaska
I am 45 years old and Single

        Email:  --->  alaskandanielle@
                             yahoo.com
  •