The reality of being gender-challenged

[SarahFehrman]

I'm legally blind, having been born 3 1/2 months premature. As far as I'm concerned, being born with incorrect genitalia (male genitalia on a female, in this case) is no less a "handicap" or physical challenge than my other physical challenge. Both have impacted my life equally, but in some ways, being gender-challenged has been the greater burden to bear than being visually challenged. Thoughts, anyone?


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[CarlyMcx]

Having lived 52 years as male before transitioning, I can tell you it was like living my whole life with one hand tied behind my back.  And there were so many things that turned out badly that did not have to happen—like being bullied out of Boy Scouts, flunking out of aerospace engineering in college, and graduating last in my class from law school.

My goodness if I had not been forced into the wrong social milieu and saddled with equipment incapable of processing social information...

So yes, it was a huge disability and a huge disadvantage.

[Allison S]

I know it made me depressed and angry. Now it's anxiety and I keep wanting to cope by cutting.

It almost feels like my body isn't mine anyway since others don't see me for who I am. Then I think in that case what's the point...

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[Sephirah]

People understand being legally blind, Sarah. When you tell someone that, they know instinctively what it means. They know what you're dealing with and what you're going through. And they can sympathise/empathise with it.

When you tell people you're the wrong gender, there's a good chance they won't have any idea what you're talking about. It isn't something that they've likely seen with others, or know people who've been through the same thing. There's a very good chance they won't have a frame of reference for what you're trying to tell them.

That's the difference between them. It's entirely understandable how you would see being gender challenged as a bigger thing to deal with, sweetie. Because before you can get help, you first have to do a certain degree of educating the world on what it even means. You have to show people how you're feeling, and it sometimes isn't something that's as immediately quantifiable as something else, such as ones vision, or hearing, you know?

And quite aside from that, it's something which affects almost everything else you do in life. To a greater or lesser degree. It's a filter through which all of your life experiences are processed. And if that isn't right, then nothing you do feels right. No matter what you try to do to adapt or compensate.

I can understand why you feel this way, sweetie. But it is something you can deal with. Now more than ever. *extra big hug*

[AnnMarie2017]

This is a thought-provoking topic.

I do agree that being trans is a handicap; but I don't like to say it that way. I think it's because I tend to associate the trans label with my womanhood, which I do not consider a handicap, rather than the disjunct between my gender and my birth sex. I wonder if most of us don't tend to do that -- which, if so, would make the "handicap" label burdensome.

Functionally, though it's a good way of explaining the effects of being raised to present the wrong gender. It is definitely a monkey on the back -- like Carly says, going through life with one hand tied behind you. My experience has been similar to hers; I have always functioned far below my theoretical potential. It's hard to perform with dysphoria.

EDIT: I was journalizing before getting ready for work and had the most amazing realization. Since it's relevant to this topic, I thought I'd share it here. I just need to tell someone.

I've had to continue presenting male since coming out to myself, until this week (yay, full-time, finally ); and I've noticed before that this frustrates the emergence of my feminine self. It perpetuates the male mask I've acquired and lived under all my life. At any rate, I've noticed recently how much I still communicate like a man -- perhaps even think like one -- and it's a bit discouraging.

Tonight, however, it suddenly struck me that the mask is slipping away. Maybe going full-time is what did it, although if so this seems rather sudden. Still, I have the definite sense that it is slipping away and that the problems I've had all my life are going with it. That was unexpected, and frankly astonishing.

I'm one of those girls who had dysphoria and never knew it. I thought it was low self-esteem. Since coming out, I've been able to see it for what it was; still, it's amazing how powerfully negative an influence over my life it has been. Just think: all those things that have burdened me, just slipping away with the mask.

[pamelatransuk]

People understand being legally blind, Sarah. When you tell someone that, they know instinctively what it means. They know what you're dealing with and what you're going through. And they can sympathise/empathise with it.

When you tell people you're the wrong gender, there's a good chance they won't have any idea what you're talking about. It isn't something that they've likely seen with others, or know people who've been through the same thing. There's a very good chance they won't have a frame of reference for what you're trying to tell them.

That's the difference between them. It's entirely understandable how you would see being gender challenged as a bigger thing to deal with, sweetie. Because before you can get help, you first have to do a certain degree of educating the world on what it even means. You have to show people how you're feeling, and it sometimes isn't something that's as immediately quantifiable as something else, such as ones vision, or hearing, you know?

And quite aside from that, it's something which affects almost everything else you do in life. To a greater or lesser degree. It's a filter through which all of your life experiences are processed. And if that isn't right, then nothing you do feels right. No matter what you try to do to adapt or compensate.

I can understand why you feel this way, sweetie. But it is something you can deal with. Now more than ever. *extra big hug*

I agree completely Sephirah.

Most people understand being blind or dumb or many mental problems and hence sympathise.

However most virtually all do not understand Transgender matters as they literally never think about gender and cannot appreciate the mind to body conflict. Therefore they do not usually sympathise.

Obvoiously blindness and transgender are both handicaps and challenges.

[SarahFehrman]

Ladies, I appreciate what you're saying. However, your impression of people being generally understanding of legal blindness is inaccurate. I have lived a lifetime observing and being a recipient of people's' misunderstanding or lack of comprehension of legal blindness, people who are legally blind and/or what we go through. That includes name-calling, bullying, victimization in various forms, discrimination and violence. The same can be said for those of us who are gender challenged. Neither a handicap nor a disability if we don't allow it to be so, possibly correctable if the procedures are available and one can afford it, both can make us overcomers and achievers despite society's incomprehension and prejudice.


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