I think my friend is gone.. (TW?)

[Avinia]

Sorry if this is the wrong section, not really sure where to post this.. just need to get my thoughts and feelings together..

I got a text from one of my friends about two hours ago, asking me if something was true, I replied with "what?", then she told me that one of our friends from last semester died. Initial reaction was that it was a joke, just because I know he used to joke around a lot about suicide and alcoholism, and she had heard about it through one of his friend's.. but after she sent me the address and time for the service, I am pretty sure it is real...

I am honestly just so confused and speechless, I just talked to him last Wednesday before class... I think it is hitting me now that this is real.. I guess the last time that anyone I know saw him was on Monday, and sometime in the last few days/today his sister started telling people..

I just don't know. With my family in the past, it was easy, because we knew they were going to pass away, and had weeks, months, or even years to prepare.. this is just weird and new to me.. finding out suddenly, out of nowhere, and then being told that the service for him is on Monday, and I am not even sure if it is okay for me to go since I don't know anyone in his family.

Still kind of hoping someone will text and say that it was a joke :/

I also know from dealing with my brother's accident, it must be even harder for his family to be dealing with..

Not looking forward to tomorrow, having to text my friend for more information, talk to my family, and still have to be at class at 9am..

[Michelle_P]

Avinia, you have my condolences and sympathy.  It is hard to have such a sudden loss in our lives, especially someone so young.  As you say, this was an unexpected loss, and one you could not be prepared for.

I suggest finding some quiet time and place to think about this person and honor their lives in memory.  That has helped me in the past.

In sympathy,
Michelle

[Christy Lee]

My Sympathies and Condolences

Its never easy to lose someone, no matter the circumstances

[Dena]

The death of another is difficult to face and you will remember it for a long time. If you would like to attend the service, unless it's a closed service, you will be more than welcome. When my brother passed away, there must have been over 200 people who showed up for the service with the people ranging from school friends, neighbors, relatives and people he knew through work. The service was so crowed that we overflowed the room and even the people who provided the room were surprised at the turnout.

[Avinia]

About 24 hours later.. and I still just can't believe it.. I seriously have re-read the texts a million times now, and checked his FB profile a million times, and I just can't wrap my head around the idea that this is real and he is probably gone.

I just still don't know? Part of me still hopes it is just a really bad prank, or that I am just going to wake up suddenly and it will have been a bad dream, but re-reading the texts...

It also confuses me that the family hasn't posted anything on his FB profile or something..

I don't know. This is just scary and I pretty much have been speechless and empty all day today.. going to go watching a stream and try to get my mind off of it until I know more :/

[Dena]

For months after my roommate passed away, it would feel like she was still in the house. I would walk past her bedroom and expect to see her in bed, Every unexpected noise would draw my eyes and I would expect to see her standing there. Eventually the feeling fades but even now, once in a great while I still expect to see her standing there.

[stephaniec]

sorry to hear this

[Avinia]

Another 24 hours or so.. Finally starting to admit to myself that he is actually gone, I have spent hours checking his profile to see if he was active, or check to see if his family has posted anything..

I think overall it is going to take my a long time to not expect to go on FB and see a post from him, or think that I will see his car in the parking lot at school... I have kind of decided that I am not going to his funeral service, as much as I would like to for some closure, I am just not comfortable with the idea. While I knew him for about 6 months, and saw him 3 days a week fro 16 weeks, I just feel like it will still be a bit weird for me to go to his funeral.. also pretty sure I am getting sick, so don't want to risk getting anyone sick.

On whether or not the funeral is public, I am assuming it is meant to be private/smaller, since he doesn't have an obituary, and the only reason I know about the funeral, or that he died, is through a friend who found out through her friend who found out through the sister.

It is just so weird to wrap my head around the idea that I talked to him and he seemed fine, then about a week later, finding out he is gone. Now I feel bad, have been kind of ignoring my friends, since I am still not sure how to respond to them, and am worried about saying something that could make it worse :/

[natalie.ashlyne]

My condolences and sympathies  I am sorry for your loss it is hard to lose anyone in your life no matter what

[TR]

Hi Avinia..

I have been out most of the day cleaning the apparent of my transgender friend Sarah, who recently committed suicide.. She was a lovingly young girl.. It just seemed to be so wrong to throw out her belongings. After my own GRS, many of us chipped in towards her GRS. I never knew how sad she really was.. I feel terrible that I did not do more for her.

Her relations were at the apparent helping to clean it.. They said that they will use the money she had saved for her GRS for her funeral. That made me feel terribly sick.. All of us in some way will be paying for her funeral. I feel so sad about it all..

This is the second transgender friend who has has died.. I really do have empathy for you.. Its truly sad when this happens...

Strange, I am lucky to be on this earth too.. When I was just 5 years old, I jumped off a roof.. I landed on a concrete gutter just 3 metres down.. I spent month in hospital recovering.. I really do try to help my fellow sisters when ever I can but in part I failed Sarah. I need to be more observant to the signs since I should know what they are....

TR...

[rainification]

I am very sorry for your loss. It's always hard to lose someone, especially in that way. A couple years back I lost a boy I had a crush on to suicide and it's really hard to let yourself cry sometimes, but when things like this happen the best thing to do is to just let yourself grieve. Stay strong sweetheart <3

[Dena]

Strange, I am lucky to be on this earth too.. When I was just 5 years old, I jumped off a roof.. I landed on a concrete gutter just 3 metres down.. I spent month in hospital recovering.. I really do try to help my fellow sisters when ever I can but in part I failed Sarah. I need to be more observant to the signs since I should know what they are....

Unfortunately we are pretty good at hiding our emotions and it's possible that your friend hid her emotions well enough that nobody could have picked up on them. Don't blame yourself for this because I am sure that had you noticed, you would have acted. When somebody close to us dies, we play the could have, would have, should have game in our mind. Often there just isn't anything we could have done differently.

[Evienne]

I really feel like the people who joke around about the topic of suicide are giving signs that they are probably thinking about it. After all, humor is one of the only ways comedians know how to deal with difficult situations that they or others face. "Laughter is the best medicine." But a lot of the time, the funnier the person the more they are hurting deep within. If they are joking about a really deep and dark subject it might be an a subconscious part of them asking for help.

I'm sorry for your situation but I just wanted to share that for any future situation with people. You can never be too safe about that.

[TR]

We will fight for Sarah gender recognition. So we can gain her the recognition of gender she wanted so much..