Only now experiencing dysphoria?

[Daisy713]

So the last few months I've been trying to figure things out, and have started to realize I may be trans. And I'm really happy starting to embrace it and stuff. But here the thing, I always read stories on how people experienced gender dysphoria, and I always thought "I don't really have that or at least not have experienced it on the level that others have." but now in the last two weeks or so, I've started to experience it more and more. Like just a few examples, I'll start to look at myself in the mirror and think "huh, i don't know if I like this" or when I'm referred to as a guy or boy stuff like that, sometimes I don't like hearing myself referred to as that, and now it's becoming more and more regular.
So basically I was wondering if anyone else only started having dysphoria stuff after beginning to figure out who they are?
And Also is that dysphoria? I'm not sure.

Im sorry if im sounding vague or anything, Im still not used to talking about my feelings like this to anyone.

[Sephirah]

No need to be sorry, sweetie. You've come to the right place. *big hugs* Things like this can be hard to talk about with people. But you're among friends and people who understand you now, okay?

I'd like to ask you a few questions if that's okay?

What prompted you to start to figure things out, hon? What was the catalyst for it?

Dysphoria can be a lot of different things to a lot of different people. There isn't a right or wrong answer for any of this.  But I'm curious how you feel emotionally when you see your reflection, or when you're referred to in a way you're not comfortable with. How do those feelings manifest?

Don't worry, okay? We're here to help you figure things out. *big hugs*

[Daisy713]

No need to be sorry, sweetie. You've come to the right place. *big hugs* Things like this can be hard to talk about with people. But you're among friends and people who understand you now, okay?

I'd like to ask you a few questions if that's okay?

What prompted you to start to figure things out, hon? What was the catalyst for it?

Dysphoria can be a lot of different things to a lot of different people. There isn't a right or wrong answer for any of this.  But I'm curious how you feel emotionally when you see your reflection, or when you're referred to in a way you're not comfortable with. How do those feelings manifest?

Don't worry, okay? We're here to help you figure things out. *big hugs*

Yeah of course! For me it was really uni, I'm studying to be an actor (musical theatre) and being in a place where everyone and everything was accepted and embraced (unlike my experiences in high school) I think it gave me a chance to think about my own self more. I posted a while ago about me not being sure on my feelings, and basically ever since even childhood I always thought that I wanted to be a girl and stuff. Then over my high school life the feelings kept coming up and I kept pushing them down, I thought maybe it was just a phase and the thoughts really scared me for some reason (and still do I guess). Even when I was online looking at clothes and stuff I'd scroll past girls clothes and think "man I want to wear that" but not just wear it fill it out and look like a woman. In video games, I started playing more female characters and I felt happier and more invested playing them. And just in general I would fantasize and stuff about being a girl and how I might feel happier and more confident. But in uni, I saw that people were able to express themselves without being thought of as weird, and I thought that maybe it was time to start letting the feelings and thoughts come and really try to explore them instead of shutting down.
As for how I see myself in the mirror, I'm kind of conflict. I like working out, and I like being able to see my muscles and stuff. But at the same time, I want to look more feminine. Like I've started to experiment with looks now, painting my nails, trying different clothes, and somewhat different hairstyles (I'm working on growing it out now haha). And seeing myself in the mirror now I want to look more feminine, and in a way now I'm starting to want to go further. And when I try out makeup and stuff I feel really happy looking more feminine, but then feel sad when I see my more masculine figure. And now whats even weirder at say uni when we get told "okay and all the men will be singing this"  or "and the gents your dance looks like this" I'm starting to feel a bit uncomfortable like it doesn't fit me as well as it did a year ago, that being said I am kinda more comfortable with things like dude, or man (in the right context "hey man, how ya going" kind of thing). And even now I'm beginning to picture myself as a female like when I'm walking around sometimes it feels like I (Don't really know how to describe it) forget that I'm a guy.

[Lucy Ross]

I've asked my therapist about how much of the population might be Potentially Transgendered, or whatever fancy term you want to apply, for people like me who had an epiphany about this later in life.  She pointed out that all these kids coming out as trans qualify, which had never occurred to me for some reason.  She also made inquiries at the 2016 WPATH conference in Amsterdam - no one there knows, either.  So how many people are in this boat, as opposed to the 5 year olds wondering why no one thinks they're a girl/boy variety, is an open question - but apparently it's far from uncommon.  In my short time here I've seen a whole mess of threads asking the same question.

[pamelatransuk]

Hello Daisy

I am one of the "oldies" but I have always known of my transgender situation indeed as a little child of 4. Some of us know very early, some just after adulthood like you and some later in life.

I confirm that 2 of the many aspects by which we "know" are indeed the mirror look and experimenting with make up and clothes. I suggest you see a gender therapist to help you explore yourself further and I wish you the best for your future.


Hello Lucy

As I stated above, some of us always know and some have an epiphany at literally any time later in life. I have stories here of some ladies not having that event till into their sixties. As you say, latter not uncommon.

I think it will always be difficult to determine (potential) Transgender population because unless the person is very young, they are likely to hide it or not seek medical help until they really feel they have to due to constant dysphoria.
However in UK it is estimated as at least 1% of our population of 66 million. I suspect significantly higher - at least twice that.

Pamela

Pamela

[KathyLauren]

I hear people talking about being trans without having dysphoria.  Personally, I'm not sure that's possible.  But what does happen, and I know this from my own experience, is that it is possible to have dysphoria and not recognize it for what it is.

So, when I was seven years old, looking at pictures in a magazine and wishing I was the girl in the picture, I didn't call it dysphoria.  It would be more than 50 years before I recognized it for what it was, but it was dysphoria.

When my teenaged life sucked because I was different and didn't fit in, when my young adult life was miserable because I was the only person I knew not dating or in a relationship, when I felt self-conscious about not appearing to be macho enough for my peers, that was all dysphoria, though I didn't know it at the time.

For us older transitioners, this stuff comes into focus only in hindsight.  I envy the little kids for whom it is so clear.

[pamelatransuk]

It really amazes me how much we have in common, Kathy.

Your last 3 paras apply to me aswell. I didn't fit in a young adult and just wasn't interested in girls in the "normal male" way.

I always knew I was transgender even without knowing that term but I did not recognize the dysphoria till much later. It was buried so deep.

[TonyaW]

I hear people talking about being trans without having dysphoria.  Personally, I'm not sure that's possible.  But what does happen, and I know this from my own experience, is that it is possible to have dysphoria and not recognize it for what it is.

So, when I was seven years old, looking at pictures in a magazine and wishing I was the girl in the picture, I didn't call it dysphoria.  It would be more than 50 years before I recognized it for what it was, but it was dysphoria.

When my teenaged life sucked because I was different and didn't fit in, when my young adult life was miserable because I was the only person I knew not dating or in a relationship, when I felt self-conscious about not appearing to be macho enough for my peers, that was all dysphoria, though I didn't know it at the time.

For us older transitioners, this stuff comes into focus only in hindsight.  I envy the little kids for whom it is so clear.

Spot on.  Looking back on things,  I did not know the term dysphoria, but it can explain a lot of my life and things that I did.  Not recognizing it for what it was I dealt with it poorly and directed my frustrations outwardly.  I take full responsibility for that.
I don't mean to use dysphoria as an excuse for anything I did, but it was certainly an underlying cause.

I also envy the little kids that know so early, but I don't know that things would have been any better had I told my parents that I wanted to be a girl at 7 years old in 1969. 
My mom probably would have been sympathetic at least,  but would have had no clue how to deal with that. 

It really amazes me how much we have in common, Kathy.

Your last 3 paras apply to me aswell. I didn't fit in a young adult and just wasn't interested in girls in the "normal male" way.

I always knew I was transgender even without knowing that term but I did not recognize the dysphoria till much later. It was buried so deep.

I did a pretty good job of faking and hiding so I had at least an appearance of fitting in.  I also was interested in girls "the normal male way" which probably made it easier to hide and possibly contributed to not recognizing dysphoria for what it was.

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