A rather gloomy thread but... it seems many people here have either tried or contemplated suicide...! Not so surprising considering some 41% of trans people have tried to take their own life. Nevertheless - all of you are still here!!! Which is great.
So... all of you who survived that attempt, what would you tell to others who are going through that?
What is the thing that is still keeping you here?
More specifically:
- Have you thought about wanting to die and ending your life? Did you plan it? Did you try to kill yourself? How?
- What made you so depressed? Was it gender related or bcos of other things?
- Why are you still here? What keeps you going?
- What would you tell someone who is ready to die?
- Have you got some gender related encouraging words for them? Has your life gotten significantly better after that attempt/period? What do you want to say to others who might feel it's never getting any better?
Also check out this awesome thread by November Fox:
To those who are in pain
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,233611.0.htmlAnd this:
Words of encouragement to your pre-transition self
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,231252.0.html---
Yes, I have totally thought about it, multiple times. I've never really wanted to actually end my life - I just wanted to stop the pain. In my darkest moments I've felt life will never get any better than this and can't take it anymore. But for me that has just been a passing feeling, though intense. I've even contacted some hotlines sometimes...
been so desperate.
It has not been entirely just gender related, but bcos of multiple things and my general life situation that seems unbearable at times. Though gender has definitely played a part coz the more hopeless I felt genderwise the more depressed I became. And not being able to transition has affected my whole life negatively. Which also made me more depressed.
I'm pretty much over depression now. And feel very hopeful.
The one thing that has always kept me going is this:
I've always decided that I will power through anything life throws at me! I've consciously decided to survive anything. So I just won't give up no matter what. So that means I can't take my own life. After all - no way in hell I wanna die!!! Though the prospect of never being able to transition or change my life felt so desparing that I did actually want to end the pain. But I've decided to survive whatever. So I just felt that even if I wasn't able to transition in my lifetime, I just wouldn't give up! Even if my life stayed miserable that way. But I will never give up.
The second thought that always keeps me going is this:
I won't give other people (mainly my toxic family) the pleasure of burying me as a woman with a female name (that I just recently finally changed!!!). So I'm going to outlive them. Another decision that keeps me anchored on this planet Earth,
.
The third thought is this:
I've gotten so much support here that I actually do feel like a different person now!!! So during these few months my life has actually dramatically changed. And I just managed to legally change my name!!! And I'm going to transition this year. So... after all that pain and waiting and difficulties life actually did get better! I'm a living proof of that! Someone said to me
life can surprise you in three years. And I can agree on that - no way would I have thought I'd be where I'm at three years ago either! So... it does get better. Nothing lasts forever. And my life has been pretty unbearable so far.
But now I'm waking up in this new reality, the new me. It's almost like all those years never happened. I'm finally living in The Now. And look towards the future! I'm happy. And I'm not even depressed anymore. So anything can happen if you just don't leave the cards unturned,
.