How not to get overwhelmed?

[MelanieMyrtille]

I've recently come out and I am heading toward transition, yet I feel overwhelmed by all I have to do potentially pass.

I am 5'5 and around 215lbs. This is my lowest adult weight as I have gone down from over 300lbs over the last years. As of now I'm struggling to lose more weight as I have hit a plateau lately.

I am about to start laser and HRT in the next few months. I have started working on my voice, mannerisms, etc.

But how to avoid feeling overwhelmed ? I would love to plan going out fully dressed for the first time soon to start building more confidence.

This feels like a full-time job on top of life itself. I am trying to enjoy my transition but i find it very stressful.

Any tip on how to deal with what seem to be a mountain to climb ahead of me ?

[Dani]

Any tip on how to deal with what seem to be a mountain to climb ahead of me ?

"A thousand mile journey begins with a single step."

I was very over weight as well and the single most important thing I did in my physical transformation was to lose weight. I made a permanent change in my eating habits. I eat lots of vegetables and some fruit, with small portions of lean meats, dairy and grains. I avoid processed foods as much as possible. They have lots of hidden calories in fats and sugars that really I cannot taste and do not miss.

Emotionally, the most important thing I did was to accept myself as I was and then make the changes I needed to do to become what I wanted to be. Yes, it took me several years to fully transition, but it was worth every sacrifice.

You did not mention support groups. I find that just talking to other ladies who are going through what I did to be therapeutic. Whether your support is internet or face to face, it just helps to talk. We are listening here at Susan's Place, but there is nothing like a face to face meeting. Look for a local support group.

Melanie, you have your to do list. Now take that first step.

[MelanieMyrtille]

Thank you for the encouragement.

I have already taken first steps and I am happy things are moving forward. I am working on acceptance and losing more weight. But time is crawling by in the half out state i am currently in.

Having to go on with daily life and pretend to most of my surrounding that nothing has changed is becoming more and more challenging. Especially at work.

Thank god the susan's place though. The chat room and the forums have been helpful.

I would eventually like to go to a local support group too but I can't bring myself to venture out there yet.

[Dani]

Many people go to a support group before they even start taking HRT. Support groups are full of people in mid-transition. Just go as you are. You will find an accepting group of people with the same problem as you.

[AnnMarie2017]

I have already taken first steps and I am happy things are moving forward. I am working on acceptance and losing more weight. But time is crawling by in the half out state i am currently in.

Having to go on with daily life and pretend to most of my surrounding that nothing has changed is becoming more and more challenging. Especially at work.

Time crawling by ...

When I first came out to myself, I believed that I wouldn't present female until I could pass -- a point years into my future, because passing for me means surgery.

It didn't work out that way. I couldn't help myself. I had to start making little changes to my presentation; and, after awhile, I would have to make more. Something inside me was willing to be reasonably patient about my baby steps and my schedule, but if I waited too long, I found I no longer had a choice.

What I've quoted here from your message suggests the same motivating force may be working in your life.

I came out to myself on April 4th of last year; I just went full-time on February 19th. Less than a year. You don't have to pass, you know. But we have a need to be who we really are.

[MelanieMyrtille]

Yeah AnnMarie2017.

I am trying to figure out when / how to go out as my true self.
in my case i'm not sure will ever be fully achievable but I try not to let that paralyze me.

I just figure the more convincing I can present the better I will be accepted and taken seriously by others.

I keep moving on.

[Kendra]

Hi Melanie,

You don't have to climb a mountain all at once.  Transition is a mountain range where you define which peak is the most desirable for you to own.  The perfect mountain for each of us isn't necessarily the tallest or a particular distance.  Choose the best one for you.

Losing that amount of weight already is an amazing accomplishment.  I know from personal experience how challenging it is to lose 1/3 body mass and keep it off.  My waistline is 16" (40cm) smaller using methods similar to what Dani adopted - I lost my weight in the 1990s.  Don't let the weight plateau get to you - as your fat diminished you gained muscle.  MtF HRT should cause significant decrease in muscle mass.  HRT may also trigger an overall increase in fat, but with your already good habits you will likely drop muscle pounds with fat redistribution instead of gain.  I think you're about to have an eye-opening experience how good your future is. 

Divide and conquer.  To avoid getting overwhelmed, define your goals and sequence based on your needs.  You get to choose what matters the most at a particular point in time.  I believe the overall goal is to be happy in the long run, and genuine. 

Kendra

[AnnMarie2017]

I just figure the more convincing I can present the better I will be accepted and taken seriously by others.

Of course, this is something I want, too; and, since I don't pass, there will always be some people who will look at me as a man in a dress and laugh, or disapprove, and not take me seriously. Even though I'm developing a much thicker skin than I ever imagined, these things do still bother me.

But you'll be surprised how often you encounter the other kind of person, who understands and accepts you as you are. I used to think this was unusual; but it isn't. It happens all the time.

As in so many other areas of life, self-confidence guides others in how they view and treat you. The more confident you are, the more you attract others (in a good way). And, for me, the key to gaining confidence was to transform my presentation slowly but definitely, as Kendra was saying. I didn't plan it that way; I just had to change, and I did it slowly because I was terrified of the reactions of others. It wasn't until later that I realized what had happened to my confidence level.

Maybe this will work for you, too.

There will always be people who do not accept us. But that's not just a problem that trans people encounter. There are all kinds of bigotry and hatred in the world. Like others who suffer these slings and arrows, I think we need to just ignore such people and focus on the good, on those who do accept us as we are, and go on.

[MelanieMyrtille]

AnnMarie2017

I had my first face to face going out with a group of friends last weekend who had just found out about me. Even though I didn't dare go out dressed, they made me feel so loved and accepted. They told me not hold back next time and to come as I am.

It was an incredible feeling.

[AnnMarie2017]

AnnMarie2017

I had my first face to face going out with a group of friends last weekend who had just found out about me. Even though I didn't dare go out dressed, they made me feel so loved and accepted. They told me not hold back next time and to come as I am.

It was an incredible feeling.

I am so thrilled for you, MelanieMyrtille. You have allies. Take advantage of that!

You go, girl.

[MelanieMyrtille]

Will do 

[Ceryliae]

I totally understand where you're coming from. I just realized how I feel a couple weeks ago, and everything seems so intimidating. Makeup, skin, clothing, etc. I'm having a hard time finding shoes in a size that will fit. I just want a pair of feminine looking slippers that will fit me, and it doesn't seem like it's possible.